Top 10 Coons of 2017

2016 was a vintage year for cooning. It was such a vintage year in grand coonery that if cooning in 2016 was a bottle of champagne it would be a bottle of that 1992 Dom Perignon. The 2016 cooning was so abnormally ubiquitous that the usual top ten year ending coon list had to be expanded exponentially to a top 100.

The good news is the level of coonery has dropped back down to normal levels in 2017 and we are back to the top 10. The bad news is niggas are still cooning hard  which makes this list a necessity still. That said and with out further ado I present to you the top ten coons of 2017 and the last 10 people that you’d invite to the cookout or any other gathering of proud Negros in fellowship.

 

 

9 & 10 Diamond & Silk

Like their fearful leader and fellow wearer of bad hair pieces Donald John Trump, this unbearable unbeweaveable doltish duo traffic heavily in alternative facts. Their incoherent psycho babble even to the most loyal fucktrumpet white supremacist supporters of the American idiot in the Oval Office are nothing more than useful idiots (situational) to be called upon in those rare gatherings where wearing black face just won’t suffice to get said racist point/taunt/joke off.

Long story short this ratcharded duet sings one of the more innocuous coon tunes. They are the Mitchell & Ness of coonery. A throw back to the chitterling circuit and minstrel act days. They’re much more detrimental to the overall coon cause than they are to the culture because they represent the sum total of what being a coon is and that is to be a mascot for white supremacy. These two Nebraska Coonhuskers with all of the cooning that they’ve done in the Trump era  error have earned themselves at best the right to have their faces dawned on a football helmet as the mascot of Billy Bob and thems favorite football team. Their YouTube channel and legion of Alt-right followers on twitter is pretty much their zenith.

 

8. Pastor Mark Burns

What do you call a black evangelical Christian? Other than a fool, a tool and a coon nothing. Pastor Mark Burns who has become an annual mainstay on these coon lists makes another top ten finish for his rabidly coontastic support for Roy Moore in his failed Senate bid. Amid allegations of being a child predator and upon the revelation that Judge Moore felt that America was last great back when Mark Burns ancestors were slaves. Being the steadfast fellow that he is Pastor Burns did not let a little racism and sexual assault against minors deter him from hopping aboard the Roy Moore Pony express. Mr Burns much like Cubic Zirconia and Polyester are not the kind of coons that are dangerously deceptive whereby they are a threat to attract more black people into joining their chorus of support for overt white supremacy. They are barely able to carry out their primary role which is to assuage white guilt by providing cover for overt racism.  Their  hyperbolic proclamations and embarrassing antics makes it hard for anyone not already on the Trump or alt-right bandwagon to take them seriously. In many ways they serve as living breathing and incessantly blathering examples of what we within the culture bemoan about token Negroes and how and why they are granted platforms. If you’re  mediocre or less as a black person and you talk up white supremacy while talking down equality there’s a pretty good chance that you will land a job that will compensate you for far more than you’re worth.

#CooningForTheComeUp

7. Jason Whitlock

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Jason Whitlock is another perennial top ten coontender for sell out of the year. Just like Pastor Burns and the hoodpossum duo of Diamond & Silk he’s a talent-less twit who only has a national platform because he recklessly uses it to denigrate black people and all of the worthy causes that the black community holds dear. What makes his coonery far more egregious than coontestants 8, 9 and 10 is the fact that his platform is not only a national one but it affords him the right to assault the the truth daily. The truth about black lives matter, the truth about why players take a knee for the anthem and just about any truth that speaks to the reality faced by the poor, black, brown and disaffected. His employer Fox Sports I suspect know this is why they hired him. The good news is the fact that they also hired Shannon Sharpe and that’s who we can thank for the skit behind the picture above being shelved before going live. Our “friend” Jason Whitlock thought that it would be a good idea to poke fun at Colin Kapernick and movement that he sacrificed his NFL career to support. While it never saw the light of day the point conveyed in the picture was crystal clear.

6. Sheriff David Clarke

Former Milwaukee sheriff and current Fox News coontributer David Clarke while high on the list for cooning this year had a pretty down year as it pertains to reaping rewards for his constant coonery. After being a faithful surrogate on the chitterling circuit extolling the virtues of the most virtue-less human being on earth he was expected to be taking a cabinet position with the administration somewhere within Homeland Security. That job never materialized. Instead what followed him was a series of lawsuits and investigations. He’s being sued for the inordinate amount of deaths in his jail as Milwaukee sheriff and now being investigated by the FBI for abuse of power. The dip shit sheriff also thought that it would be prudent to have his deputies harass an airline passenger for having the audacity to shake his head at his cooning ways. This led the FBI early in 2017 to get a warrant to search his email. Fortunately its probably why he did not get hired to work for the federal government and unfortunately for him why he did not rise higher on the top coon of the year list from 2016 to 2017. The good ole sheriff may soon see his usefulness expire.

5. Ray Lewis

Ray Lewis 2 knee salute

Ray Rat is another two time top ten finisher. He actually finished number 2 last year out of 100 coontestants so finishing 5th this year among only 10 coontestants is kind of an improvement. Ray only had one certified major coon moment this year. After lambasting Colin Kapernick and his taking a knee during the anthem all last year Ray found himself at the cross roads of the culture that spawned his legend and the cross hairs of white fragility when he was forced to make a decision to take a knee or stand for the anthem. As fate would have it he was scheduled to be an honorary captain of his former Baltimore Ravens team for their overseas game in London the very same week that his president Donald Jerk Trump fired a salvo at the entire NFL by calling the protesting players sons of bitches while imploring their teams owners to fire them.  Needless to say players around the league were more emboldened and defiant this particular week and players from both sides were demonstrative in their response to the presidents taunts. This left Ray with one of two choices. Stand for the anthem or take a knee. Never one to be confined by binary decision making the quick thinking former all pro linebacker took two knees leaving him with the predictable excuse that he was praying and not protesting. His lame excuse however did not inoculate him from the hail storm of salty white tears. In fact the very same white folks that offered him effusive and endless praise a year ago at this time for being a black face opposing social justice and equality managed to have a petition waged against him to have his statue removed from the Ravens stadium.

4. Malcom Jenkins

Now standing on the sidelines holding up a right fist 👊🏿 (the universal sign of black power and struggle in America) while the rest of the 50 thousand or so in the stadium are wittingly and unwittingly paying homage to chattel slavery and American aggression with hands on heart singing an ode written by slave owning Francis Scott Key is hardly something to label one with such a dubious distinction. However when that one player who hoisted a black power fist during the anthem co-opts a movement and starts to secretly negotiate on behalf of players taking knees during the anthem with demonstratively more skin in the game questioning the integrity of said dude is apropos. Even more damning is the devil within the details of the deal that this single player struck with NFL ownership to bring an end to NFL player protests of the National Anthem. To make a long story short. An NFL player that has never taken a knee during the anthem negotiated a deal with the NFL’s owners to bring an end to players taking a knee. And that’s not even the kicker. The kicker is that the almost 100 million pledged by ownership over a period of almost 10 years will only be granted if the players come up with half of the money. And oh yeah the money that ownership forks over will be deducted from funds earmarked for other worthy charitable giving like breast cancer and domestic violence.

Word to the wise. Never trust a nigga named Jenkins. He’s gonna do some Real Jenky shit on you 100 percent of the time.

3. Parris DenardParris4 Donald Trump has had a pretty tumultuous first year in office replete with all kinds of self inflicted foul ups, bleeps and blunders. He’s been criticized from all corners of the political spectrum for them. Almost all corners that is. Donald Trump is to Parris Dennard what Ms Jenkins was to Bonita Bitrell. He ain’t one to gossip but…

Bonita

…Don’t nobody better say nothing bad about Ms. Jenkins  Donald Trump in front of the boy Parris. He goes hard in the paint for Trump. Harder than anyone else on television. To the point that he’s become an easy and favorite target of CNN anti-Trump pundits. He’s taken some brutal beat downs on CNN panels in the last 12 months but remains steadfast as a stalwart defender of all things Trump.

He clearly wants that number one coon spot and though he may have come up short in 2017. He is in pole position for the number one coon spot in the future.

2. Ben CarsonCarson-Green Uncle Ben is another annual attendee at the Coon award show. He’s cracked the top 5 for at least the last 3 years in a row. He gets the number 2 spot for 2017. With the departure of Niggarosa Manigault Dr. Carson remains the lone black face in the whitest presidential cabinet since Reconstruction. As the head of HUD Carson was made to appear on capitol hill to explain away the draconian cuts being made to agency. Carson had little grasp of the cuts or the intended and unintended consequences of them and how it would affect the people that vitally depend on it as a resource. His cringe worthy performance while being queried by Congressman Al Green will live in infamy and again serves as yet another reminder of the kind of ineptitude that even your most accomplished coons are equipped with. White privilege has nothing in coon privilege. Absolutely nothing.

1. Tim Scott

Token Tim

Token Timmy while under the radar in so far as embarrassing coon antics and overt expressions of love for master has been playing a major role in codifying the white supremacist gripe on America. He voted affirmatively to confirm Jeff Sessions as attorney general and Betsy Devose as Secretary of education two people whose policies directly impact in the most negative ways black people. He also voted to confirm the myriad unqualified hacks that will infect and infuse more top down racism in the judicial system for generations to come. He’s easily the most powerful black man in America next to Clarence Thomas and he’s arguably done as much damage to the future of black America in 2017 than Clarence Thomas has done over the last 25 years sitting on the Supreme Court.

Most recently he voted along with his white supremacist caucus in he senate to reform the tax code shifting even more of the burden to keep this nation afloat on the poor and middle class. At the all white white house day party celebration he was positioned up front as Dystopian Donald’s favorite African-American. If a silver-lining exists hopefully it will be that such an optic will finally illustrate to white Americans writ-large that coons are as detrimental to them and their future success as they have been to the black community. Not holding my breath but that is my hope.

 

Honorable Mention: 

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After coming in number one in 2016 Niggarosa Parks fell all the way off the list. To her credit and like she did her white house job sh went away kicking and screaming so don’t get it confused. She’s still a coon for life.

 

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Herschel Walker as fullback for the New Jersey Generals of the USFL was once property of Donald Trump. Someone needs to get the memo to him that the USFL is now defunct and he’s no longer property of Donald. He seems not to be aware.
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After voting for and vocally supporting Donald Trump in 2016 the bad half of the Mary Mary tandem doubled down in 2017 for her support. She’s officially gone for good. Do not try to resuscitate.

Shout out to team Uncoon:

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Don Lemon prior to 2016 was a fixture on the year ending coon list. I’m happy to report that his black card has been fully reinstated with no probationary period. Welcome back to black Don. Don’t fuck this up.
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While the black delegation is still mulling it it appears that Charles Barkley who ironically made the top 100 list in 2016, will have his card reinstated. He will likely be on probation for at least the first quarter if 2018. 

The Las Vegas Tragedy And Why Redress of the 2nd Amendment is Not the Answer

 

As always the case when mass shootings occur people want to redress the 2nd amendment in the most reactionary manner. In most cases citing failed proposed laws that even if enacted would have done little to stop said massacre.
One of the more truthful idioms born from the mind of idiots is the  “guns don’t kill people, people kill people” mantra.  Does is it make sense for America to have more sensible gun laws like the rest of the developed world? Of course it does but with a congress and president scared shitless of the NRA and gun lobby its a pipe dream to think that this tragedy or any of the previous ones will spur them to action. I mean if a classrooms full of 5 and 6 year olds being mowed down by an AR-15 did not motivate them to enact safer and more sensible gun laws it’s safe to assume that nothing will. 


Furthermore the kinds of reforms that gun control proponents push, for the most part if enacted will not put a dent in the over 500 gun related deaths and maimings that take place in America on a daily basis. Banning assault assault styled riffles and 100 round clips will not save Pookie from Ray Ray’s .40 caliber pistol for shorting him on a bag weed. Nor will it save little Johnny from shooting his little sister Sarah in the stomach after he finds big Johnny’s loaded 9mm in his night stand while Becky-Sue is distracted with her soap operas and smart phone when she’s supposed to be watching her kids. The lion share of deaths by gun in America, be they intentional murder or unfortunate mishaps due to reckless handling or storage of weapons are unpreventable via legislation. Are AR-15’s, AK-47’s and other assault style weapons necessary for citizens to have? Absolutely not. However the toothpaste is already out of the tube and there’s no realistic chance of putting it back so my advice to the proponents of gun control would be to recalibrate their mission starting with their message.

 If conservatives are good at one thing that their more liberal counterparts would be well served at mimicking is the manner in which they brand their ideals and end goals. They apply the most innocuous names for their most insidious deeds while reserving their harshest labels for some of the more sensible goals of their opponents. For instance calling a reasonable  tax on the transfer of wealth from the 1 percent to their born on home plate progeny a death tax in the minds of most Americans gives them an automatic leg up in the argument. Even among those that are in the 99th percentile of the 99 percent. Calling the Affordable Care Act Obamacare no matter how much more useful it is than their proposed Orangecare is an automatic win in middle America and other unsavory places in the US where the deplorable vote holds sway. You don’t need a reminder of the fact that in certain places in America they’re just not into 44. The point I’m making here is that if the proponents of gun control wish to move the needle in the direction of more sensible gun laws they need to start  from scratch starting with scraping what they call what they’re trying to do.  No body likes to be controlled so the entire “gun control” label needs to be thrown out the window. Take a page from the conservative playbook and call it “gun freedom” or some other friendly name. In this new gun Freedom bill that they propose they need to put some meat in it. Most preventable  gun deaths in America are not done by the mentally ill using an assault style rifle with a banana clip so making those things the hallmark of your leguslative goals in the long and short run is a waste of time and energy.  Most gun deaths in America from my purview are the result of gun runners that buy firearms in bulk in one of the 48 contiguous states where the laws are lax and are transported to the hood where they are disseminated with zero oversight and fall into the hands of people with even less accountability for the express purpose of murder.  If the Gun Death Prevention Bill (see what I did there)  proposed made these gun runners and straw purchasers the boogie men as opposed to the gun enthusiasts who at least on the surface are legally and lawfully using these needless weapons you have a much more reasonate and air tight message. Another sensible legislative goal would be to have these weapons ballistic tested before they leave the factory and made as synonymous with the gun as a Carfax report is with a vehicle. In the groove of every gun barrel (save for shotguns) is a very unique pattern that’s akin to a finger print. If every gun that’s purchased has its ballistics recorded before its sold then in theory the owner of said gun will be much more judicious in how and where he lets it pop off. Not to mention it would make crime solving much more easier for authorities to solve. More importantly it will more easily pin point who these straw purchasers of firearms are and who their sources are. This of course would still be met with much consternation by the NRA and their conservative lackeys in congress but the messaging would be one in which they could not easily parlay into an assault on the second amendment rights of blue blooded Americans in red state America. 

Somewhere along the line long ago the 2nd amendment rights of Americans have morphed into the right of gun manufacturers to maximize their profits by any and all means. To think that that’s going to change because 58 people were killed is to fundamentally not understand how America works. 

Since the 2nd amendment argument is so muddled and such a non-starter for so many in America the better battle would be the 1st amendment argument. Especially since many on the right are so willing to have that battle today. 


Fox News has been radicalizing white American terrorists since 1996. The Am side of your radio has been doing it much longer. The scientific name for “fake news” is propaganda. While the “fake news” coinage is relatively new it’s been used as a weapon in information warfare well before the B.C era. From Constantine the Great on through the Crusades and the Protestant reformation up to today’s alternative fact driven administration, propaganda has been the most potent tool in controlling the minds of the masses. Fake news was once so threatening to democracy in America that the powers that be saw fit to create laws to abate its powerfully specious affects. During the early 1900’s when the radio was the primary medium of mass communication the FDR administration created the FCC to regulate its airwaves. The MAYFLOWER DOCTRINE was created by the body soon after due to the inordinate powers wielded by corporations to sway public opinion for their private benefit. In short the doctrine mandated that equal time be given on all sides of issues germane to the public when discussed on air. The FCC knew then what far too many fail to grasp today and that’s the fact that the public broadcasters are duty bound to the public. Their position as gatekeepers of mass information is powerful tool that if used the wrong way or fell into the control of those with nefarious intentions could lead to calamity.

Fast forward to today and we are seeing great calamities in our news cycle on a daily basis. Some via natural disaster and many more that are man made (even the natural ones). Since there’s little to no chance of the Fairness Doctrine coming back the only true way to abate the perilous false premises that power fake news in this information warfare being waged against the American public is having a populous that’s far more awoke, in tune and analytic. Fake, false or misleading news is what left America with the choice of Hillary Clinton, Jill Stein and Donald Trump. Fake news is also largely responsible for why the worst of those three very bad choices won out. Now that fake news elevated a fake president to the Oval Office he’s trying his best to make it a permanent fixture in America. How do we stop him? I don’t have an answer to that. Hopefully like every thing else he’s attempted in the last 9 months he will fail due to his own gross incompetence or the gross incompetence of his party. If however he succeeds its incumbent upon we the people (of sound mind and good conscience) to know what’s real and relevant news and what’s meant to distract and even worse radicalize the malleable minds among us to commit the kinds of heinous acts that Mr. Stephen Paddock commited in Vegas. It’s easy to blame the suspect and write him off as some lone wolf or a mentally ill person but the truth is whether or not he acted in concert with another person he has a co-conspirator and that co-conspirator is embedded in the mainstream news. He’s not the first white man to use his entitlement, privilege and sense of superiority to make the public space his own personal killing ground for reasons only known to him and sadly he won’t be the last.  And no amount of gun control legislation can change that. While no manifesto was left detailing his political proclivities or social leanings his actions are in line with the myriad other men who were more transparent about theirs and for the most part their ethos and worldview was shaped by an amalgamation of cherry picked facts, half truths and outright falsehoods. 

People of good conscience must begin to put in silos all purveyors of fake and misleading news. Know what the history and political and social leanings are of all of the news sources you take in. If you don’t know the history of the author you really don’t know what you’re reading, watching and listening to. The survival of this great nation literally depends on The collective public to stay woke and while we are in this existential battle of amending amendments we should be doing it in numerical order. Once we get this whole Freedom of speech and the freedom of the press under control then I think as a nation we’d be better equipped and prepared to take on the Freedom to arm oneself to the tee. 

Destination Uncle Tom’s Cabin: Top 100 Coons of 2016 part two of two (49-1)

As bad as cast of characters were in act one, their black cards don’t necessarily need to be revoked–at least not permanently. Act two though? These 50 coons for the most part are coons that black people need to collectively shun for good barring a 180 degree about face from whatever the infraction(s) was that landed them in such dubious company.

Coontestant# 49 Cam Newton

cam-newton

Based on his offense to blackness  in 2016 Cam actually belongs in the first group of redeemable coons. Cam is setting off the coon for life team via extrapolation. In 2015 Cam embraced being a strong and proudblack man, much to the chagrin of the Carolina fan base and of course team ownership. So what did they do? They decided to bring in GOP spin doctor and race bait extraordinaire Frank Luntz to be the quarterbacks coach on navigating conversations on social issues and race, and boy was Cam a quick study.

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At the rate of change that Luntz’s tutelage had on Cam, if he remains the QB’s race coach for much longer Cam will indeed become the second coming of Sammy Sosa–and much closer to the number one spot in the next year. Here’s hoping that Cam listens to more sounds of blackness in 2017 and less Frank Luntz.

#uncoonthyselfcam

Coontestants 48-46 Alicia D White, Caesar R Goodson and William Porter

While these three coons did not directly kill Freddie Gray, they grossly abdicated their civic responsibilities, their blackness and their sheer humanity to protect the blue shield. They were charged along with the three white officers who were actually the ones that mortally wounded Gray in an attempt to get to the truth. In the end the the well intended  tactic failed. Largely because of these three coward ass coons.

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With the cooperation of the aforementioned three coons, all of the charges stemming from Freddie Gray’s murder were dropped on all six suspects.

#blackcooopblackcopblackcopblackcop

 

Coontestant# 45 Baltimore Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake

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After prosecutor Marilyn Mosby took the courageous and unprecedented step of casting a wide net to prosecute the murder of a citizen  by the police her mayor threw her under the bus by claiming that she (Mosby) was bowing to political pressure as opposed to trying to solve a murder perpetrated by the state. She also insinuated that Mosby was not ready for the big stage, and when her city cops instigated a  “riot”, instead of empathizing with the young black youth that were being antagonized by her city police officers she publicly called the kids thugs.  Rawlings-Blake was and remains solidly on the side of the Baltimore Police Department despite the fact that the Justice department revealed systemic abuses. She is yet another black face put in a high place to protect white supremacy and maintain the status quo.

#olemammyassmammy

Coontestants #44-39 (washed up former athletes for Trump)  Mike Tyson, Latrell Sprewell, Terrell Owens  Shawn Merriman and Floyd Mayweather

It greatly pains me to put a former main man (Mike Tyson) on this list, but gotta go gotta go. When your allegiance to a purveyor of such overt bigotry and racism is stronger than your allegiance to your people you have out lived your worth to the community.

 

#allfuckboysquad

Coontestant# 38 Katrina Pierson

katrina-pierson

This bubble headed broad was Donald Chrumps national spokeswoman during  his campaign and as ridiculous and juvenile as his little twitter fingers are, hers were worse. So much so that she did not even get a White House job after all the cooning that she did to help get him elected. She’s made more appearances on milk cartons in the mid-west than she has on cable news since Trump was elected.

#whereswaldo

 

Coontestant# 37 Malik Obama

malikobama-gross

This coon from another continent and half brother of President Barack Obama was hired by Donald Chrump to be a prop at his last debate verse Hillary Clinton. He pulled off the trifecta with that coon move. He sold out African-Americans, his family name and the entire continent of Africa.

#dreamsofmyhalfwithalfbrother

 

Coontestamt#36 Armstrong Williams 

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Armstrong Williams has been cooning since before Tookie Williams was banging. This OG coon has been pushing the white supremacist agenda for so long that I almost for got that he rode the coon train. The television host, business partner and bff of Dr. Ben Carson had an up and down year himself. While his media empire continues to grow and he remains one of the most successful black men in media ownership his penchant for sexually harassing males continue to haunt him…

Armstrong the freak.PNG
Excerpts from the Washington Post

I wonder what his bff Ben Carson who is anti-gay to the extreme feels about his homies predisposition for getting butt massages by men.

#liketwohangersinacloset

 

 

Coontestant#35 Stacy Dash

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Stacy Dash aside from being a certified coon for life is a glutton for punishment and addicted to the game of rotisserie roast-me on twitter. She started 2016 out on the wrong foot by decrying the inherent racism of the Image Awards, BET and even going so far as to say that Black History month needed to be abolished. Her timing was impeccable because a week after she made the comments the NAACP image awards came and she was roasted by host Anthony Anderson who said

 “Everybody give a round of applause for Stacey Dash…What the hell is she doing here? Doesn’t she know that the Fox network is using her? She’s just an Ann Coulter dipped in butterscotch. That’s all she is. Baby, don’t let them use you! …Come back to the black people and get back to work on some of those beautiful C-movies that you used to do!” ~ Anthony Anderson

 And of course Black Twitter had to get a piece of the action
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BET was among the  first of many in the Twiterverse to clap back
 While Twitter had a ball with her coonified faux pas in 2016 unfortunately there will be less opportunities to lampoon her lunacy because Fox News declined to extend her contract for 2017. All that cooning she did and still got dropped. I wonder if BET is hiring???
#biggestloser
Coontestants 34-25 Allen West, Jesse Lee Patterson , Herman Cain, Larry Elder, Niger Innis, Raven Symone, Pastor David Manning , Charles Payne and Bob Johnson
 These ten consummate coons did not do or say anything of note in 2016. At least nothing more noteworthy than what we have all come to expect from them but what’s a coon list without adding them. The marvel is the fact that none of these handkerchief heads cracked the top 10 or even 20 this year.
#tradethemallforacartonofnewports
Coontestant #24 Lesean “Shady” McCoy 

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If he needs help, he’ll call the cops ~ Shady  McCoy on Colin Kapernicks protest

#suckerniggashit

 

 

Coontestant#23 Steve Perry

For most of this dudes career in public life and as a “school reformer” he’s flown far under the radar coondar. It makes him one of the more dangerous coons in America, specifically because his end goal is the destruction of the public school system and the teaching profession-particularly those in black communities. One of the few silver linings in Donald Chrump becoming the president is the fact that the insidious and dastardly deeds as they pertain to his work with school reform overtly dovetails with the plans that the new president has for inner city schools and he is rightly starting to be called out for it and it’s getting harder and harder for him to conceal his true motives.

 #teamvulture
Coontestant# 22 Lee Daniels
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“I wanted white people to feel good about being white people because right now, there’s a lot of hatred going on.”~ Lee Daniels

This dude has been speaking reckless for sometime now. His quizzical reasoning for why he cast a white star is as befuddling as it is bemusing.

#empireisgarbagewhywouldiwanttoseeabeckyversionofthattrash

 

 

Coontestant# 21 Tim Scott

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We would be remiss not to add this guy to the list. With Obama leaving office and Justice he’s the most powerful black man in the nation. And with those powers he votes lock step with the avowed racists in the US senate. From repealing voter rights and protections to removing the social safety net for the most needy this dude is as “ain’t shit” as they come.

 

#thespookatthesenatedoor

 

 

Coontestants# 20-19 Diamond & Silk

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This is what happens when rats and raccoons crossbred. These two Ratcoons better known as Diamond and Silk are the human equivalent of a Fox News merger with BET. If Azelia Banks and Carlton Banks ever had twins Diamond & Silk is who they’d grow up to be like. These hood possums are a viral minstrel show and are unabashed about it.
 #lacefrontlosers
Coontestant# 18 Jason Whitlock
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 Jason Whitlock is another long time coon who has a fairly broad media perch for which he uses to spread his cooned out opines.
Jason Whitlock on Black lives matter:African-Americans are more likely to be struck by lightning than to be killed by police
Jason Whitlock on Colin Kapernicks protest: “This kid was about Instagram models, tattoos, his abs and building up the Colin Kaepernick brand — until the very moment he loses his starting quarterback job, and now he’s out here and he’s ‘Martin Luther Cornrow.’ And he’s got cornrows, he’s Allen Iverson, he’s Angela Davis. I don’t buy it
 It’s rather obvious that he hates the black skin that he was born in. It’s unfortunate that he is given such a wide ranging perch on television, radio and print media to misinform the masses while codifying the white supremacist construct.
#willcoonforburgers
Coontestant#17  Justice Clarence Thomas
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Now that Justice Scalaia is dancing with the devil until the end of eternity  and unable to stick his hand up this clowns ass to play puppet master, he’s a rudderless coon on the bench less able to fuck over the country and black people by extension. He still however is one of the most destructive coons to black progression of all time so  his falling out of the top ten has much less to do with him doing less cooning in 2016 and much more to do with the the uptick in competition coonpetition for that number one spot.

#kingofcoons
Coontestant#16 Kanye West
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 Kanye has been on a collision course with coonery for a while now. And while his fragile mental state is cause for more empathy and understanding than scorn and rebuke we’ed be remiss to omit him from making the top 20 list for 2016. With love of course.
#comebackhomeyezzy
Coontestant# 15 Officer Brentley Vinsonofficer-brentley-vinson
 The man on the left is Keith Lamont Scott. Someone who was minding his business reading a book in his car while waiting to pick his kid up from school. The coon on the right is Brently Vinson, the Charlotte officer that murdered him for no reason at all. And while I do think that it’s possible a black man joinging a racist police force such as Charlotte could lead to him becoming a coon, something tells me that Vinson was a coon long before he received his badge. He’s a graduate of Liberty University. What Black man goes there that is not already a coon?
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Coontestant# 14 Sgt.  Demetrick Pennie
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 This coon with a badge just wanted to make his name known as a proud member of the Procyon species of mammal. Why else would he bring forth such a frivolous suit? This is what you call “how to get on Fox news 101”. i should not even be giving him the attention but how can he not make this list? This coon is being used as a pawn in a law suit not only naming Black Lives Matter, but also President Obama, Hillary Clinton, and Al Sharpton. This coon is literally throwing his feces at the wall with hopes that is sticks.
#monkeycoonpigandratallrolledinone
Coontestant# 13 Howard Croft
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 Howard Croft served as the City of Flints director of public works from 2011  until he was forced to resign in 2015. His position oversaw the flint water distribution system. It was him that brought the recommended changes that had the then city emergency manager Ed Kurtz switch the cities water source to the Flint River. He along with Kurtz has been indicted and is facing up to 20 years. Luckily he has the face of a snitch and all indications are he is doing just that as his previous counsel dropped him for meeting with investigators alone and rumors that the governor Rick Snyder too will soon face indictment. Stay tuned…
 #nevertrustaniggathathasapartonthesideofhishead
Coontestant #12 Darnell Earley
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 Darnell Earley is one of the emergency managers that the governor hand picked to run many of the cities in the state of Michigan. Even before the Flint water crisis that he helped cultivate and cover up he was a certified coon because he was used as a tool to usurp the sovereignty and franchise of the black people of the cities that he was appointed. He basically helped render their votes impotent because no matter who the citizens of Benton Harbor, Flint or Detroit elected, he and the other emergency managers were placed in charge of their city. He eventually replaced Ed Kurtz as city manager of Flint during their ill-fated switch to the Flint river for the cities water supply. Despite knowing that poisons from that river was literally making the citizens of the city sick to death. He too is facing indictment. He even had the audacity to try and stick the cash strapped city of Flint with the bill for his $750 per hour lawyer.
#heneedstobewaterboardedwithflintwater
Coontestant#11 Pastor Mark Burns
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 This extra mediocre fuck boy is your typical witless and talent-less tool. A coon of his stature normally would not make it so close to the top 10 even in a non-vintage year. He makes it this high on the list for the sheer audaciousness of his cooning ways. After cooning his way into a speaking gig at the GOP convention it all came crashing down when his bio was discovered to have been replete with alternative facts. He stated that he was a member of Kappa Alpha Psi fraternity that was a lie, he said that he was in the Army reserve, and that too was proven to be untrue. His being enrolled in a masters of divinity program also was a figment of his imagination. He was confronted with all of these stretches of the truth on camera in a sit down interview with CNN. It was so bad for the coon that he tried to go off the record mid interview and when that did not work homeboy walked out of the interview leaving the CNN correspondent all by his lonesome in his 400 square foot church. In the end Massa Trump took him off the coon circuit and his ass ain’t been seen since.
#outcoonedhimself

 

Top 10 coons of 2016

 

Coontestant# 10 Pastor Darryl Scottdarrell-scott-donald-trump-r
 Pastor Darryl Scott is the lead vocalist in the Black Preachers for Trump crew.
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In fact Darryl Scott is the Michael to Pastor Burns Tito in so far as what they mean to the BPFT movement.
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So far he has not been able to parlay his pulpit cooning into a steady job with the administration so for now he has to settle for being the right hand coon to Donald’s right hand coon.

 

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Coontestant# 9 Lil Wayne
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 Wayne actually looks like the physical manifestation of a rat and raccoon encounter during mating season. His music has long been of the minstrel type. However as demeaning and degrading as his music has been over the last couple of decades he managed to make occasional  dalliances with the reality faced by many of his fans that made him the mega rap star that he is. That’s why is answers to some very basic questions into his level of black consciousness left so many bemused.
Lil Wayne on Colin Kapernicks protest:
“I’m not into it enough to even give an opinion. Somebody had to tell me why he was doing it. That’s how much I didn’t know what was going on, and I kinda still don’t. Somebody gotta explain to me like, ‘Yo, he kneeling because of Black Lives Matter thing and because’—that whole wave just went by me too fast for me to give an opinion.”
 Lil Wayne on racism:
“These 33 years have been nothing but a blessing,” Wayne said on the show. “I have never—never’s a strong word. I have never, never dealt with racism and I’m glad I didn’t have to.” Tunechi added that he didn’t know if being a star made him immune to racism, but he now knows racism does exist despite racism not being his reality, continuing, “I would have to say I thought it was over. I still believe it’s over, but, obviously it isn’t.”
Lil Wayne after black twitter got wind of his coonery:
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#boycotthisbullshitmusic
Coontestant# 8 Jim Brown
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 Jim’s late breaking 2016 coonery caught a lot of people by surprise but I can’t say that I am one of those folks. Jim has a reputation for being down for the historic causes on behalf of the black community but the truth us Jim has always been out for Jim.
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This famous photo of Jim Brown and other great black athletes in their prime years during the 1960’s showing their unconditional and public support is something of an urban legend. Jim Brown is rightly credited with putting the group together, but the stated goal of this meeting of the minds has been obfuscated over the years. This meeting of hall of fame minds was the brainchild of boxing promoter Bob Arum. He tasked Jim Brown with gathering the group to convince Muhammad Ali to enlist in the Army so that his ban from boxing would be rescinded and they could all profit from the burgeoning closed circuit pay per view industry.   It just so happened that Ali was game enough for all of them and would not hear any of it. In the end these “well meaning” gentlemen & Jim settled for this iconic photo op.
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 Which brings us to his most recent photo op in the tale end of 2016. The one where Trump and his loyal brown minions sent him on the now familiar walk of shame through the Trump Towers lobby to deliver this barf inducing quip:
“I fell in love with him because he really talks about helping African-American, black people and that’s why I’m here” ~~ Jim Brown on Donald Trump
#fuckjimbrowntoo
# 7 Don King
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 About the only mantra more annoying than Don Kings “Only in America” chant is Don Trumps “Make America great again” so the natural synergy between the two Dons should surprise no one. What I did find just a little bit surprising is the level of minstrel that Mr.King stooped to while introducing him:
“You’ve got to understand, my black brothers and sisters, they told me, ‘You’ve got to try to emulate and imitate the white man and then you can be successful… So we tried that. They said, ‘If you can get some money, you can do this here.’ I told Michael Jackson, I said if you’re poor, you’re a poor negro – I would use the N-word – but if you’re a rich, you’re a rich negro; if you are intelligent, you’re an intellectual negro; if you’re a dancing and sliding and gliding nigger – I mean negro – you’re a dancing and sliding and gliding negro. So dare not alienate because you cannot assimilate. You know, you’re going to be a negro till you die.”
 #onlyinameriKKKa
Coontestant #6 Sherrif David Clarke
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Milwaukee sheriff David Clarke is one black man that has never met a shooting of an unarmed black man by a law enforcement officer that he did agree with. David Duke has more genuine love for black people than this afro goatee having nincompoop. In addition to being one of Fox News most prized props for misinformation he oversees as sheriff one of the deadliest jails in the country and for that he has legislators in his state asking that he be removed.

 

#hanghimbythechin

Coontestant# 5 Shaqcoon O’Neal
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 Shaq shot up the coon charts in 2016. His penchant for always paying homage to the police and being an honorary sheriff has always been a turn off but not enough to place him so high on the coon list or even on it at all. That was of course until her decided it prudent to give his incoherent and coonish opine on Colin Kapernick’s anthem protest on Fox & Friends of all places…
 “To each his own…I don’t really have a say on it, but I would never do that. My father was a military man, and you know, he protected this country. Uncles are in law enforcement, you know, they go out and work hard every day..People like Muhammad Ali and Bill Russell, they were one way their whole career. You can’t show us something, and then go to another just because of certain issues”~ Shaq
 Nigga what?!?!
What makes Shaq’s commentary so egregiously coonish is the fact that he’s part of the .001 percent of Black Americans. Unlike most of the coons that routinley grind our gears he’s far from being a mediocre negro. He literally hit the DNA lottery with his god given physique. He has zero reasons to be cooning and even less reasons to be sitting on the couch with the lame cast of Fox & Friends giving an opine on issues that require depth of understanding and nuanced thought. Big duffus has a PHD yet he let three stoogers from Fox News walk him into talking himself out of his black card.
#thebigcoon
Coontestant#4 Charles Barkley
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 Shaq’s partner in coon has much more experience in the area of catering to the angst ridden ego of white males so his offenses to black people and black culture is far less shocking. For him to out rank so many other certified coons he would however have to coon harder than he did in years past. Never one to back down from a challenge Barkley with the help of TNT put on a classical coon performance.
TNT has a 6 part series airing early in 2017 titled “The Race Card” which is a discussion around the hot-button issues that cause and comprise the strained racial relations in today’s America and they tapped Charles Barkley of all people to host the program. They might as well have named it “TNT Trolls Black America” because that is essentially what happened on the first stop of Coon conductor Charles. The first stop was in Baltimore Maryland and it came on the heels of a justice department report that highlighted systemic abuses of the residents of Baltimore at the hands of Baltimore City police. Charles however did not want to talk about that. He instead chastised the audience for not expressing condolences for 4 officers that were killed earlier in the week in other parts of the country. Needless to say that did not go very well. He ended up having  to be ushered out by security because they were big mad.
#chuckcoon
Coontestant # 3 Ben Carson
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 Dr. Ben Carson is the only coon on the Trump train that was able to engineer for himself a a cabinet position. Being a renowned brain surgeon one would think that naturally he’s be tapped to be the surgeon general. Not in Trumps White House. Carson was instead tapped to head up the department of housing and urban development, something he has next to no clue about. Other than the fact that he’s black and hails from the inner city he is qualified to run HUD in Trumpian thought. Why? Because when they gut the agency render it totally useless they will be able to point to their black token as the cause to shield them from claims of racism.
#coondoctor
Coontestant# 2 Ray Lewis
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 17 years ago Ray Lewis while partying at the Super Bowl in Atlanta with his boys got into some sort of conflict with two men who were both subsequently stabbed to death. Both of the victims blood made it’s way into Ray’s limo and the all white suit that his bama ass was wearing on that cold January day vanished from the face of the earth. Now I’m not calling Ray Lewis and murderer but that is what he was charged with and there was far more evidence linking him to the murders of Jacinth Baker and Richard Lollar than there was evidence linking OJ Simpson to the murders of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown. Despite the damning evidence and in the case of his Easter Sunday suit the lack there of Ray was acquitted of all charges. By the court or law and by the court of ubiquitous negro opinion. To most of white America however he was still a thug unworthy of playing in the NFL. So he went from Ray Lewis the typical bad boy from the University of Miami to Creflo Dollar Jr with the extra preachy super annoying disposition. Yet and still most from the Negro delegation even still.  That obviously did not ingratiate himself enough with white America because in more recent years he’s incorporated some serious respectability negro politics into his spiel.
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  He started with making a bunch of lame videos appealing to the youth of Baltimore to behave and not riot in the face of police abuse then slowly but surely went full blown coon on us with several appearances on The Undisputed  hosted by fellow coon Jason Whitlock where they formed the greatest black tag team duo since Rocky Johnson and Tony Atlas manned the squared circle. The Colin Kapernick story gave this tag team duo all kinds of coon life but that was just a warm up for Ray Ray. He too took the infamous walk of shame photo op at Trump Towers. But unlike Kanye, Jim Brown and Steve Harvey Ray looked like he was quite conformable in that setting.
 #rayraythemurdererliarandcoon
 Coon of the Year: Omarosa
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 This she devil right here is the most dangerous and despicable black woman in America–the world even.  She’s Kelly-Ann Conway with melanin and a functioning brain. She’s #blackgirlrocks minus a conscious.
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This cold calculating shrew is Donald Trumps bottom bitch and director of  African-American coon outreach for his administration. She’s the cunning concubine of the slave master… .
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 …but don’t mistake her for Ernestine.
 She’s much closer to the type of concubine that you’d find on the Candy land Plantation. You know the type that can’t live without master.
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 The truly unfortunate thing about her is the fact that she is smart, highly ambitious and talented. She knows more than the average coon and even more than the man that pays her a hansom  ransom to corral and create more coons. She’s gonna make coons out of a lot of men these next four years. I pray that in the next few years she does not morph into some sort of role model for the young black, melaninated  and impressionable young girls coming up. It’s bad enough that we have an avalanche of black men bending over backwards and forwards to appease the white male supremacist ethos that infects America. The last thing we need is a role model for young black girls to think it prudent to do the same. So while there’s no denying her drive and black girl magic, the fact that she uses her powers for evil purposes we’re going to have to shelve celebrating her achievements during the month of February.
#wedontneedanothercondi

The Carnival Coon Cruise: Top 100 Coons of 2016 Part One of Two (100-50)

2016 has been quite a coontastic year. i’m talking vintage.  So much so that we had to trade in the coon train  for a vessel much larger to accommodate all of them.  Cooning has become an epidemic in America and it is important that we in the non-cooning negro community collectively rebuke such behavior whenever it occurs. As with anything else there are levels to coonery. These first set of 50 coons are what we call somewhat redeemable coons. Particularly the first 20-30. The closer to the number one spot they get the less redeemable they get.
So with out further ado here are your top 100 coons for 2016 (the first 50)
 Coontestants# 100-91: Mainstream black media members Donna Brazille, Al Sharpton, Karen Finney, Toure, Jonathan Capehart, Eugene Robinson, Harold Ford,  Joy Reid, Don Lemon and Juan Williams
The black members of the mainstream media serve a very purposeful role and that is to correct the myriad false narratives bantered about in the ether and more importantly to  better inform black people so that as a community we’d be able to make the best decisions possible–particularly at the ballot box. All of these members of the mainstream press checked their journalistic integrity and intellectual honesty at the door and for the most part became defacto campaign surrogates for Hillary Clinton. They did not challenge any of the false narratives, half truths or out right myths surrounding her coronation  to the Democratic nomination  which in turn fed her false sense of invincibility in the general election. These ten members of the mainstream media as much as anyone else in media are responsible for the incoming idiot in chief. In 2017 lets not rely on these characters to bring us the news we need. In the very least look at each of them with a more cautious eye while holding them to higher standards as I believe they all could do better.
Coontestants#92-83:  The  Seahawks response to Colin Kapernicks national anthem protest
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Built as the perfect response to the all the illogical acrimony directed at Colin Kapernick for taking a stand these dudes came out with the ultimate all lives matter gesture. We’re not going to ding the entire 55 man roster but I’m certain at least 10 brothers on that squad co-signed this bullshit.
Coontestant #82: Fantasia
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Fantasia’s went all All Lives Matter on us. Even after Anthony Hamilton and the other entertainers on this list rejected the naming and intentions of this flier for the canceled project she and her husband doubled down on why the failed venture was not a failed idea.
Coontestant#81 Mary J Blige
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Mary sang the blues to Madam Secretary.  The only thing more cooney than her singing Negro spirituals  to Hillary would be if she broke out into her famous crispy chicken jingle.
Coontestant#80: Laila Ali
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Laila too went all lives matter on us and was unabashed about it. I suspect that there was heavy wind when that apple fell off the tree.

“Yes, black lives matter. Yes, white lives matter, asian lives matter. All lives matter…And that’s kind of what my focus is. But it’s hard because, you know, you’ve got sponsors and you’ve got this and you’ve got that. And you don’t want to step on anybody’s toes. And you’re trying to be politically correct, but at the same time trying to uplift your people.~ Laila Ali

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Coontestants#79-73 “The Mothers of the Movement”

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I know I’m wrong for calling these women out because they have suffered immeasurable pain and paid the ultimate sacrifice. I’m just going to have to be wrong because their chitterling circuit tour for Hillary during primary voting throughout the south was blatant and obvious cooning. The irony of Miss “Bring those super predators to heel” herself co-opting the BLM movement for the sole purpose of winning an election is too egregious an offense not to make mention of. I don’t have the receipts but I’m willing to bet my last dollar that these women were paid for their endorsement and subsequent hyperbolic statements touting how much of a friend and ally to the black community that Hillary and Bill have been.  Take solace in the fact that these women remain in the redeemable category.
Coontestant#72 Sage Steele
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As if this shirt was not enough to land her at least honorable mention in a non vintage coon year. She’s laid her black card on the line quite a few times to justify her ticket for the Carnival Coon Cruise. Instead of elaborating on her many offenses to black sensibility I will let her pretty little mixed twitter fingers make the case instead. 
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This particular brain fart of hers was in response to Mike Evans taking a knee during the National Anthem due to his displeasure with America electing the first Man Baby to the Oval office.
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Thankfully Black Twitter was on the job and they let her know real quick that she was barking up the wrong tree.
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She needed more than 140 characters to explain away her social media faux pas so she took to Facebook to pen a response but…
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…Black Twitter was not trying to hear it
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…Black Twitter was still not having it. 
Coontestant#71 Jerry Rice
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Even though he walked back the wayward tweet it’s pretty clear that he has some strong coon proclivities. If this was 2014 or 2015 the following tweet would have placed this old washed up D list celebrity in the top 10
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Of course Black Twitter had something to say
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He was forced to walk that comment back almost as far as his hairline. 

Coontestant# 70 Victor Cruz

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As Giant fan it pains me that this dude does not get it. I’m comforted to know that he will be a salary cap casualty in the off season.

Coontestant# 69 Dennis Rodman

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Dennis makes the list for being a Trumpet…
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😦

And to that the Donald sent thanks

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…and for being so damn forgiving and forgetful. It was only 2 years ago that the Twitter Troll Elect called him a drunken fool. 

Coontestant# 68 Fat Joe

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Joey Crack obviously forgot about his humble beginnings. Having more love for an inanimate object than you have for the plight of the community is so not hip-hop.

Coontestant# 67 Tiki Barber

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“I agree with his desire to continue the narrative…There are issues in this country. That, you have to commend him for. But I don’t commend him for sitting and not honoring this country and our flag.” ~ Tiki Barber

Coontestant# 66 Michael Crabtreeinthebucket

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Upon being asked about the ongoing National Anthem protests started by Colin Kapernick and this was Crabtree’s response :

“I just play football, I ain’t no Martin Luther King.”~ Michael Crabtree

Coontestestant #65 Rodney Harrison
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Rodney Harrison gave perhaps the most cringe worthy response to Colin Kapeernicks National Anthem protest

 

“Obviously he has the right to stand up for what he believes, but he has to understand there are consequences and might be backlash for what he said. You know a lot of people are criticizing him — I think his heart is in the right place, I just think he was going about it in the wrong way, If he really wants to make change, sitting his butt down [during the anthem], that’s not going to change, that’s going to get people very upset and he has to understand that. If you think sitting during the national anthem, a lot of people really served before his time, now, trying to give him the freedoms and the liberties that he has … and I tell you this, I’m a black man. And Colin Kaepernick — he’s not black. He can not understand what I face and what other young black men and black people face, or people of color face, on a every single [day] basis. When you walk in a grocery store, and you might have $2,000 or $3,000 in your pocket and you go up in to a Foot Locker and they’re looking at you like you about to steal something. I don’t think he faces those types of things.” ~ Rodney Harrison

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Of course Black Twitter was fast and furious with a response

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Even coontestant #72 Sage Steele took umbrage with the level of coonery that he had on display. You know you ran afoul of the black sensibilities when a fellow coonite calls you out for cooning. #coononcooncrimeforthewin
Coontestant# 64 Charlemagne
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“Would be dope if a young black or Hispanic ‘WOKE’ woman used social media to create a Platform to be a voice like Tomi Lahren did.” ~ Charlamagne The God Gump
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As one would expect such an errant tweet directly into the belly of the beast created a firestorm of clap backs aimed straight for the jugular.
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As evidenced by how resonate the #blacklivesmatter hash tag has been since its inception black women have an extremely powerful presence on twitter and throughout the social media stratosphere. Perhaps if Charalamagne and his Breakfast Club Cohorts  coonhorts would extend invitations to more of these black female movers and shakers their intellectual properties could as well permeate the mainstream media and be monetized as is the case for his bff Tomi Lauren who herself is a halfwit. 

Coontestant# 63 DJ Envy

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As if Charlemagne’s fixation with the bigoted blonde bimbo was not bad enough, his partner in coon went even harder against the grain of black struggle in AmeriKKKa. After Donald Trump in the national debate the night before extolled the virtues and worth of the racist ‘Stop & Frisk’ policies practiced by NYPD DJ Envy co-signed him and its use.

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Did I mention that I love Black Twitter?
Coontestant#62 Stephen A Smith
stephen-a-smithStephen A Smith who cracked the top ten in years past was not even supposed to make the list this year because for the most part in 2016 he practiced reasonably responsible journalism. That was until he lost his mind over the fact that Colin Kapernick did not vote. Here’s a dude (Colin Kapernick) that donated over 1 million dollars in 2016 to causes that help uplift the poor black and brown and this coon is brow beating him because he did not vote for either of the two candidates that have more than proven to not have the best interest of the community in heart mind and agenda.
in his own words:

“As far as I’m concerned Colin Kaepernick is absolutely irrelevant, I don’t want to hear a damn word about anything that he has to say about our nation, the issues that we have, racial injustices, needing change, et cetera, et cetera…He comes across as a flaming hypocrite as far as I’m concerned. I’m not interested in a damn word that he has to say and quite frankly I hope he goes away, He’s lucky to be in the league right now…And Colin Kaepernick after all this noise that you’ve made, even though you didn’t intend to do so by offending our military service men and women. And pointing out about how you wanted to bring attention to racial injustices and beyond that’s in this country. To turn around and not to even take your behind to the polls to vote for a particular candidate–it is shameful. Absolutely shameful, Him of all people, because of the position he took, because of the attention he brought to the issues, the fact that he doesn’t have the decency to go to the polls and activate yourself in this election (as our president said) is a damn shame…I don’t want to hear another word from Colin Kaepernick. It’s a waste of time. [As] a matter of fact, I would personally make a request to the media in this nation: Wherever he is, if he ain’t on that football field trying to throw another damn incomplete pass, do me a favor and make sure of one thing, take the camera away from him. It means nothing. Because for him not to vote, as far as I’m concerned, everything he said meant absolutely nothing. Absolutely nothing. I don’t want to hear another damn word from him. Nothing.”  ~Stephen A Smith                                                                                                                                                                           .

Coontestant#61 Venus Williams
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After her sister Serena took to Facebok and penned a heartfelt missive about her concerns about the ongoing injustices  dealt to black people at the hands of police and municipal governments Venus was asked her thoughts. And lets just say her opine was not Black Twitter approved..
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Coontestants 60-58 Elijah Cummings, James Clyburn and John Lewis
These three “distinguished gentlemen” underscore the fecklessness and ineffectual direction that the Congressional Black Caucus has long been going in. Once billed as the conscience of the congress the CBC just like these three bozos are bought and paid entities of America’s corporate overlords. No longer are they in congress to serve the people. They are there to enrich themselves and hold on to their seats. It’s high time they all be replaced by some new blood.

 

Coontestant#57 Lil Bow Wow

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Read from the bottom up to get the full gist of his coonery
Coontestant#56 Dorsey Montgomery
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This natural born coon was unfortunately the only hope that black people and people of good conscious had to get any semblance of justice in the State of SC vs Michael Slager. Needless to say he was a failure. As the jury foreman his job was to corral the jury members and lean on the letter of the laws of the state to find justice. It has become crystal clear that he had neither the wherewithal nor intention of doing such a thing . The talk show circuit tour that he went on post trial was as confusing as it was bemusing.
Coontestant# 55 Young Thug
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After this roach impersonator arrived after the 45 minute cut off to board his flight he offered the two black female ticket agents 15k to accept being terminated as they broke protocol and allowed him on his flight. They rightly refused and he went on a tirade berating the young women calling them Africans, peasants and more. He did all of this while filming it for Instagram. 
Coontestant# 54 Kevin Gates
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On the heels of all the protests surrounding the murders of Alton Sterling and  Philando Castile, this is what Kevin Gates had to say:
“We kill each other. I’m talking about we lay up under each other’s cars, lay behind each other’s houses then whip by, boom boom, kill everybody in the car…but as soon as a white boy kills one of us, everybody go to hoopin’ and hollerin’ and all that old stupid-ass shit …That’s bullshit. When you stand for something, you’ve got t[o] stand for it all the way, not half way.” ~ Kevin Gates
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That was all of course before he was sentenced to six months for a brutal stage kick to the face and chest of one of his young and misguided female fans. Who just so happened to have been black.

Coontestant# 53 Trick Daddy

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Trick daddy set the internet ablaze with a viral video rant about how black women were losing their footing and needed to tighten their shit up less they be passed over for white and Latina women. And boy oh boy the clap back came fast and furious.

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Coontestant#52 Tommy Sotomeyer

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Tommy has been cooning for clicks for quite sometime  and has made honorable mention more than a couple of years. He’s a black man that has built his brand on berating black women on Youtube and other social media spaces.

Back in July he got into a fender bender with a black woman and after the sister questioned why he was recording her he says this:

“That’s the problem with Black women right there, they talk, “This is why nobody likes these Black whores. Look at her. Black whores. Black whores. Get out my face, though, bitch. I’ll whip yo muthafuckin ass…I don’t like Black bitches, anyway. Bye, broke bitch. My car cost more than your house, bitch. My car cost more than your house, bitch. You don’t know who you talking to. Watch when you find yourself online.”~ Tommy Sotomoyer

The video went viral as he intended but the blow back for his cooning for clicks shenanigans was too much for him to handle hence he used his platform for the first time to speak highly of black women where he pulled the “I never had a father” card. Of course we all know that the apology was bullshit but that is a testament to how much of a bully pulpit the Twitter verse can be when properly leveraged. Another win for Black Twitter but I will say this. It really is time to start giving eye jammies to these brothers out here that think it prudent to be so overtly disrespectful to black women as he and a number of the coons that made this list have been.

 

Coontestant# 51 Rza

rza
The Rza who we now know is anything but a genius had this to say regarding the on going problem of police killing unarmed black people:
 “If I’m a cop and every time I see a young black youth, whether I watch them on TV, movies, or just see them hanging out, and they’re not looking properly dressed, properly refined, you know, carrying himself, conducting himself proper hours of the day — things that a man does, you’re going to have a certain fear and stereotype of them…I tell my sons, I say, ‘if you’re going somewhere, you don’t have to wear a hoodie — we live in New York, so a hoodie and all that is all good. But sometimes, you know, button up your shirt. Clean up. Look like a young man. You’re not a little kid.” ~Rza
What makes his statement so eggregious is the fact that as one of the founding members of the Wu Tang Clan and the so-called genius of the group he made his living off of urban wears and urban vernacuilar. Now that he’s hanging out with Russell Crow and the Hollywood Click he wants to go all rescpctable Negroe on us.
Coontestant#50 Wendy Williams
wendy-williams-on-jesse-williams-bet-speech
Jesse Williams after winning the Humanitarian Award from BET gave a moving and memorable speech about social justice amd social activism. His speech and sentiments trended for miles. Wendy Williams who has absolutely zero depth of thought and even less consciousness had these jewels to share regarding Jesse Williams and his speech trending:

“His speech was very poignant, on one hand. On the other hand, you know, I would be really offended if there was a school that was known as a historically White college. We have historically Black colleges. What if it was the National Organization for White People only? There’s the NAACP.”~ Wendy Williams

 After a noticeably silent gasp of her normally gregarious audience she goes:
“Look everybody’s quiet. You’re leaving me out here to dry by myself?”
 Now a normal dummy, even with coon tendencies would take that silent queue as a hint that they should probably quit while they are ahead and switch up the conversation. But not Wendy Williams. She’s a special kind of stupid. She goes on to say:
“National speeches like this always rub people the wrong way. Just like White people will be offended because Spelman College is a historically Black college for women. You might feel funny about that. I know I’d feel funny like I just told you. If there was a White college or whatever.”

Twitter eat her ass up so bad that that Chevrolet who previously helped underwrite her show dropped her.

 

Why Donald Trump won the 1st presidential debate

This country is full of stupid white people who are moved by the ridiculously racist antics of Trump. The fact that he comported himself as a 5 year old that got left back in the terrible two’s stage of life (3 times) does not deter them from going to the polls in record numbers to vote him in. After all they do share his dominant worldview.  Hillary on the other hand did not have the benefit of such a low bar. She was tasked with winning over the higher minded voter. You know the not so racist person that actually reads, writes and has comprehensive skills beyond an 8th grade level? And while she did not do terrible she did not necessarily win over any new converts from that seemingly fleeting American demographic.

NAFTA and even the pending TPP deal is an obvious Achilles heel for her. She needs to stay humble on those topics and even evade them if she can (actually we know she can).  She also needs to stop touting her husbands legacy because even Donald is not that dumb that he can’t flip the negative reverberations from his legacy as he seamlessly did last night. He dinged her on trade deals and even criminal justice–even as he threw his rabidly racist rascals a bone with his law and order quips(code word for keep on killing the da blacks).

Hillary on the other hand only tacitly admitted that there’s a serious problem with the justice system. The Fraternal Order of Police has already come out in full force for Trump so she needs to rid her self of the propensity to straddle that fence. They are not fucking with her so she needs to stop trying to curry favor with them and the assholes that they serve, protect and coddle AND the assholes that look upon the injustices perpetrated against people as color as no big deal. If she is to win this race she needs to do away with her politics of yesteryear and tap into the “real talk” politics of today. The kind of real talk that Obama has sort of introduced and that Bernie Sanders has doubled down on. If I was advising Hillary’s campaign NWA’s Fuck The Police would be the new campaign theme song. In other words I would have her cease and desist her strategy of reaching out to the ignoble white male demographic and instead have her speak to the broader coalition of voters that have kept President Obama in office for the past 8 years. The Clintonian coalition that Slick Willie rode to two terms no longer exists and I’m not sure that she understand this fact.

S/N: Bernie Sanders would have cleaned his clock last night. If she loses to this asshole. Don’t blame Jill, don’t blame the Bernie Bros or none of the bullshit excuses that have been senselessly bantered about in the ether. Blame team #imwithher because the same polls that has her struggling with this arrested in adolescent development ass hat had him several points ahead in all of the swing states. who-really-lost

S/N2: WTF was up with all that damn sniffling Donald was doing last night? That dude was snorting snot like Tony Montana snorted coke. Yuck!

donald-on-coke

S/N3: Never trust a  Lester to do a mans job (or a woman’s)

lester-jordan

 

I ain’t Mad At’Cha Bro: Open letter to Ryan Lochte

Dear Ryan,

You been taking a lot of heat for your recent shenanigans in Rio but I wanted you to know that this angry black guy is not the least bit mad at you bro. In fact I kind of appreciate you and the rest of the bros going to Brazil and doing your bro thing. You really showed them what America  white America is all about. You should be in the Broham Hall of fame for  what you did before and after that encounter with that Brazilian gas station bathroom (that had the audacity to be closed when the bros needed it most) was more American White American than eating apple pie during the seventh inning stretch of a Boston Red Sox vs New Yankees  game while some C-list celebrity sings Take me out to the Ball game (followed by God bless America).

ryan and boys

ryan and matt

Seriously bro–you dudes were on some certified American exceptionalism type shit and I applaud your high level of keeping it realness. Now you may think I’m being facetious for applauding you for keeping in real when it is crystal clear that you were lying through your Speedos when you claimed that you were robbed by some locals in Brazil but lets be real– You are not the first white dude that blamed a crime on some phantom colored person to escape the wrath of a society that sometimes forgets that with privilege comes an opt out clause when it comes to accountability. Their fault not yours bro, because this practice of evading responsibility for ones acts or inventing facts to coincide with a specific narrative is as old as the America (s)that Christopher Columbus “discovered”. I mean did Brain Williams & Hillary Clinton really come under sniper fire as they publicly claimed? All indications are they both lied– or as your boy Billy Bush would say embellished when speaking on their  dalliances with war zones.

Brian is still passed off as one of the most trusted names in media and Hillary barring a catastrophic upset from an even more duplicitous white American is on her way to becoming the first female president of these United states. So why should you apologize for simply being a typical American white male with access to fame and fortune? And who is Al Roker to judge you? He of all people should understand that you were well within your rights to trash a bathroom in Brazil for not being open when you needed it; lie about the facts of the case before fleeing the country without giving your fellow bros a heads up. I mean they’re good ole American white boys too–not your fault that they were slow to play their white privilege card. Speaking of Al Roker word on the street (actually word from the NY Post) is that he was reprimanded for his public rebuke of yourself so ignore that brother–he obviously does not get the fact that you are a white dude fully cloaked in and protected by the  umbrella of white supremacy/white privilege and that even though Tamir Rice (12), Trayvon Martin (17) and Mike Brown (18) were all considered men by the mainstream media that reported their justified murders, at 32 and in a third world nation full of scary brown people you and the bros are still just kids doing what kids do. And while Ralph Lauren and a few other sponsors dropped you for your “youthful” indiscretions thankfully Dancing with the Stars still honors your privilege card. So ignore all of the naysayers that say that you embarrassed America over in Brazil. You did not embarrass America you showed them the true America. Your actions in Brazil and subsequent non-plausible denials was the best representation of America put on display in the Olympics. At least the most accurate representation. Sure there was a whole lot of #blackgirlmagic on display over the course of the last few weeks in Rio but…

…none of the precious medal winning performances by Allyson Felix (track & field), Brianna Rollins (track & field)  Claressa Shields (boxing), Gabby Douglas (gymnastics) Daliliah Muhammad (track & field),  Kristi Castlin (track & field), Nia Ali (track & field) Michelle Carter (shot put) Ibtihaj Muhammad (fencing), Simone Biles (gymnastics) or Simone Manuel (swimming) at the end of the day matter. They do not hail from or represent the America that you do bro.  You represent exactly what the median white id looks like. The Ryan Locthe ethose is what America Murica is made of. You are what all lives and blue lives matter is made of. You are who both Donald Trump and Hillary for that matter represent. You are  America bro. And I ain’t mad at you one bit!

 

Signed,

The Angry Black guy (but not at you bro)

 

PS Al Roker keep on stirring your drink bruh. I get what you really mean to say 😉

 

 

 

 

Chess > Checkers: The case for the 3rd party black vote

Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard, solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think ~ Martin Luther King Jr.

Chess is a thinking persons  game. It’s a long game–one in which you have to see past  your next several moves in order to stay ahead and eventually win. Politics just like chess is a long game and one that if it is to be played to win must involve an actual strategy. Voting for the lesser of two evils is not a strategy–not even in checkers. So in this political game of chess how are we going to ever win if we keep on employing a strategy that’s not even helpful in a lesser game?

It’s high time we abandon the failed strategies of the past and disabuse the kind of expedient measures that continue to net undesirable results. It really is okay to NOT be with her OR him.

A vote for Jill Stein knowing that she stands no chance of winning is not just an emotional response from progressive minded voters disenchanted with the Clinton Machine and the dubious at best democratic primary process. It’s also a strategy. It’s far from a guaranteed strategy   that will immediately pay dividends but if played correctly it’s a low risk high reward (even if it’s down the road) strategy that will only strengthen our collective hand in future elections and more importantly empower future generations that will be able to build on the strategic moves that we have in our power to make.

If you live in a deep red state like Alabama or Arkansas theoretically you’re throwing your vote away by voting for anyone but Trump because nobody not named Donald J Trump is going to win those two states and other similar states where Neanderthals comprise the median voting demographic.  Similarly If you vote in a deep blue state like Connecticut, Maryland or Vermont you can as well afford to make more of a statement with a third party vote because if you vote for the only candidate that’s gonna win those respective states (Hillary) the exit polls will serve as consent for every policy initiative that comes across her desk.  Good, bad, ugly and down right evil .
Elections today are 24/7/365 so the minute Hillary takes the oath of office she will be campaigning for 2020. If her internal pollsters find  that the overwhelming majority of people in America who are not certified coons, jack asses or bigots (the typical Trump constituent) approve of not only her hawkish proclivities but also her her neo-liberal agenda  guess what? It will be full steam ahead with the enactment of them. That is not winning.  If on the other hand those exit polls reflect a sizable portion of the reliably democratic electorate that remains averse to her brand of politic she would be forced legislatively to the left in the same manner in which the Bernie Sanders run forced her campaign style to the left.

I get the fear of a Trump presidency. I’m in no way suggesting that everyone gamble on a Green party political novice to risk giving the white house to the greater evil (on paper and public perception wise). What I am suggesting is that you make your vote really count. As black people we are the most solid monolithic voting black in America yet we remain the most under represented sub groups in the country. That is primarily because we are not strategic in our voting or thinking.

We need and deserve a  #blacklivesmatter approved candidate. They don’t necessarily have to be black but their policy positions and worldview needs to be aligned with the movement.  The only way that we are ever going to see such a candidate like that see a viable route to a nomination is if we demand it. As a people we cannot throw 85 -90 percent of our vote to Hillary Clinton. That will in no way make her a better president and more importantly it will in no way improve the  state of Black America. If you live in Florida, Ohio, Virginia, Nevada or any other swing state by all means–be with her! Vote for Hillary. But if you live in the south where Hillary stands no chance it is not a gamble to vote third party. If you live in a deep blue state there is no harm in not allowing her to run up the numbers on Trump. At the end of the day it  is not about him so much as it is about keeping him out of office–but that can’t be the only goal and if it remains the only goal at best we are at a stalemate. At worst and more probable we lose.

denzel chess