Do Black Men Hate Black Women? 10 Theories About Why Black Men are Perceived by some to Hate Black Women

The short and succinct answer is hell no(don’t be ridiculous). Black women are far too beautiful and more over far too important to the survival of the species for any black men with a modicum of common sense to hate her. That’s not however to say that Black men in America ¬†don’t possess myriad cultural proclivities within the larger Afro-American cultural construct that help to exacerbate some of the natural born fissures that exist between those of us that hail from Mars and those of us that hail from Venus.

Since such a sociological phenomenon is above my pay grade the best that I can do is hypothesize on what could be at the root of some of the behaviors and sentiments that lead many sisters to often wrongly surmise that black men by and large hate (or hate on) them.  The following 10 educated guesses are just that guesses. Guesses about what I think may be at least part of the reason why so many of my dear sisters think brothers hate them.

1. The Human nature Theory

In some instances it’s simply human nature. Some people are just naturally miserable and since misery loves company they generally like to spread their shit like the bubonic plaque. It may at times seem like their negative vibes are gender specific but that’s not always the case. It’s like every rude ass white person ain’t racist. He’s just a fucking rude ass and as such he’s being an equal opportunity offender. You by no means should have to take it but you should also not take it personal or internalize it as being part of a larger phenomenon.

2. The Feelings of inadequacy Theory

Some dudes have low esteem and simply feel inadequate when in the presence of certain women. Often times what some women view as them hating them is in reality the manifestation of anger because that brother knows that he is out of her league and he won’t ever get a chance to get her to like him much less love him. So he does the next best thing–he forces her to hate him by being a genuine jerk. That particular theory dates back to at least kindergarten.¬†

3. The DL Dude Theory

Some of them are gay on the low and simply mad that she’s getting the dick that he wants (or shares). No different than when other women throw shade your way for the same reasons. It’s one of those facts of life and the kind of hate and envy that we all at times can use as confirmation that we still got it. Embrace that sort of hate. Or at least don’t fret too hard over it–unless your guy is sleeping with the angry black birdman.¬†

4. The Sign of the Times Theory

It has become a new norm to devalue the rights of women both in the press and in the national political stage. Roe vs Wade is still being debated some 40 years after passage, the Hobby Lobby¬†decision¬†recently rendered stripping women from exercising their reproduction rights as they see fit, Sandra Fluke being called a whore a dozen different ways by a dozen or more men in politics and media just for wanting her birth control covered by her health plan (as Viagra and Cialis are) are all examples of the Mad Men like times that we are in. It has become apropos for politicians to be overt and blatantly disrespectful of women and even flippantly dismissive of rape. ¬†I’ve ¬†seen and heard this more times than I wish to recant these last few years. It seems as though the woman’s suffrage movement is still a necessity¬†with all these misogynistic sentiments resurfacing on the mainstream.¬†Despite the most recent mindless musings of Stephen A Smith this new uptick in disregard for women and their issues is hardly being led by black men. It’s unfortunately where we are at today as a society.¬†

5. The Guilt Complex Theory

Feelings of guilt for failing to protect our women and children from colonialist and enslavers. while there are myriad valid excuses for why the black man failed at protecting the African shores from European encroachment and the subsequent exploitation of the black family it represents one of the black mans gravest failures in the annals of history. Even though it’s not logical to surmise that the men of Africa could have thwarted European invasions with the advent of the gun it’s just as illogical to surmise that deep within the collective unconscious of many black men is the feelings of guilt for being powerless when it came to stopping the black holocaust that has yet to subside. A guilty conscious often leads to deep feelings of inexplicable resentment. This particular theory places the onus of understanding on the black woman because on the one hand you are happy that black men have a sense of guilt for the Middle Passage that he was powerless to stop. You just need him to better channel those feelings of guilt (if that’s his major malfunction).¬†

6.¬†The you’re far too Pro-Black¬†Theory


Black nationalism for all of the good that it’s done the earth and indigenous cultures is very much a patriarchal movement in scope and application. Women who are heavily influenced by feminism or who posses a stronger than normal will,will naturally ¬†question or meet with great consternation the dictates of your average Black Israelite street preacher, New Black Panther or any wanna be modern day black revolutionary. When they are rambling on about a bunch antiquated patriarchal ideals it’s easy to reduce them to a bunch of haters of women. Since I take most of these types at their word when they speak on the necessity of uplifting our community even though we differ I have a hard time believing that they hate women . They are brothers that simply need to be brought onto the 21st century fold(f possible). No more no less.¬†

The problem with these dudes is they have too much New Black Panther in them and not enough energy from the old. Every time you come accross one of what I label Hotep Steppers. Share this tid bit from one of the original OG’s¬†

During the past few years strong movements have developed among women and among homosexuals seeking their liberation. There has been some uncertainty about how to relate to these movements. Whatever your personal opinions and your insecurities about homosexuality and the various liberation movements among homosexuals and women (and I speak of the homosexuals and women as oppressed groups), we should try to unite with them in a revolutionary fashion. I say “whatever your insecurities are” because as we very well know,sometimes our first instinct is to want to hit a homosexual in the mouth, and want a woman to be quiet. We want to hit a homosexual in the mouth because we are afraid that we might be homosexual; and we want to hit the women or shut her up because we are afraid that she might castrate us, or take the nuts that we might not have to start with.

We must gain security in ourselves and therefore have respect and feelings for all oppressed people. **We must not use the racist attitude that the White racists use** against our people because they are Black and poor. Many times the poorest White person is the most racist because he is afraid that he might lose something, or discover something that he does not have. So you’re some kind of a threat to him. **This kind of psychology is in operation** when we view oppressed people and we are angry with them because of their particular kind of behavior, or their particular kind of deviation from the established norm.
~Huey P Newton

7.The Extreme feminism Theory

that shit turns everybody off–even many self professed feminists. Many of these EF’s (extreme feminists) are just as guilty of being ministrants as the men that they often rightly label as misogynists. Many of them take the unbalanced approach at liberation for women by becoming just as myopically inexplicable in their angst for the opposite sex as the most egregious acts of male chauvinism. Take for instance the following quote from a recent blog post that I read:

When looking at Eric Garner’s lifeless body, I don’t have to imagine that he is my brother or my father to recognize the injustice of his suffering. My heart aches for the family he will never return to. And if the justice we speak of routinely is more than a figment of our imaginations, I pray it comes swiftly to Mr. Garner’s family.

But if the NYPD or the City of New York fail to act, I will not march for Eric Garner. I will not rally for him because I am reserving my mental and emotional energy for the women, the Black women, no one will speak for. ~ Kimberly Foster (Why I will not March for Eric Garner)

This woman clearly has deeper issues for her to create a protest within a protest. Sentiments like hers whereby she herself erects false dichotomies just so that she can stoke a flame often lead many men to abhor feminism  when instead we should be taught to embrace it. At least some aspects of it. Brothers that take the position that all feminism is bad based on the mindless missives of bloggers like Kimberly Foster should take great solace in the fact more erudite, accomplished and hinged feminist like Angela Davis have actually a far greater influence on our people.  Instead of interpreting feminism as posited by Ms Foster. We need to interpret it as posited by Ms Davis:

I want to emphasise the importance of approaching both our theoretical explorations and our movement activism in ways that enlarge and expand and complicate and deepen our theories and practices of freedom. Feminism involves so much more than gender equality and it involves so much more than gender. Feminism must involve consciousness of capitalism (I mean the feminism that I relate to, and there are multiple feminisms, right). So it has to involve a consciousness of capitalism and racism and colonialism and post-colonialities, and ability and more genders than we can even imagine and more sexualities than we ever thought we could name. Feminism has helped us not only to recognize a range of connections among discourses and institutions and identities and ideologies, that we often tend to consider separately. But it has also helped us to develop epistemological and organizing strategies that take us beyond the categories ‚Äėwomen‚Äô and ‚Äėgender‚Äô. And feminist methodologies impel us to explore connections that are not always apparent. And they drive us to inhabit contradictions and discover what is productive in these contradictions. Feminism insists on methods of thought and action that urge us to think things together that appear to be separate and to disintegrate things that appear to naturally belong together. ~ Angela Davis¬†

The extreme feminist is a lot like the dude who is far too pro-black in his disposition and delivery of information. They do care(for the most part), they just can’t see past their ego that’s deeply rooted in the issues that they marry themselves to. There is hope for them as well.¬†


8. The Dawn of a New Age Theory

The fact that we are in the Aquarian Age where the rise of feminine energy is so strong and potent some of the us old world thinkers that were reared in the patriarchal pathologies of the former age have not yet made the adjustment. KRS-One said it best in his track 4th quarter Free Throws: 

We are the ones prophesized to return
My main concern is for all of you to learn
How to live, yes through the lyrics I give and send my friend
This age is coming to an end
Not the world, but the age is ending
Ending, listen to the astrological message I’m sending
I’m sending, tell em
Truth is truth, whether or not you like me
We are living now in the age of Pisces
When Pisces is over, at the year two thousand
When the Sun of God, changes his house and
enters the Age of Aquarius
The Sun of God as man is hilarious (okay)
When you think of Jesus, think of the Sun
The flaming Sun, that’s where they stole this concept from
Stop believing and read your bible logically
The new testament is really old astrology
Jesus is the son of God no lie
But they might be talking about the Sun up in the sky
The Sun, that hangs on the cross of the zodiac
The zodiac with twelve signs to be exact
Each sign is a house, and you should keep in mind
Each house equals, a period of time
The time, two thousand years and that’s a fact
It’s called an age or a house in the zodiac
The twelve disciples, are twelve months of reason
The four gospels signify the four seasons
When Jesus fed the multitude with two fishes
It signified the Age of Pisces, not fish or dishes
If you read the bible astrologically it’s clearer (no doubt)
The next age will be the age of the water-bearer
It’s called the Age of Aquarius (word)
When logic and truth will take care of us
So in this age, of spiritual dignity
You’ll see a rise in femininity
and creativity, meshed with masculinity
You got to get with me, this is your true her-story (rrryyy!)
Do you wanna go higher ~ KRS-One

As we journey further into this still very new age the rise in feminine energy (in men and women) will become stronger and much more potent. All men, white, black and all colors and cultures in between are going to have to learn to power share or risk being swallowed up by the universe that is ultimately the driver of the times. 


9. The Classical Conditioning That Is Hip-Hop Theory


¬†One of the hardest pills that I’ve been forced to swallow as an adult is the notion that the music genre that comprises the sound track of my childhood, life and times was and is one of the greatest purveyors of disrespect for black women and especially young black girls. And it’s not the contemporary lames like 2 Chains, Rick Ross & Lil Wayne that are to blame. Much to my chagrin the trend of disrespectful and objectifying lyrics started long before this current crop of crass emcees came on the scene. If there were such thing as a hip-hop hall of fame Slick Rick would be a first ballot entry no doubt, but it was he who coined the term “Treat her like a Prostitute”. At least he coined it in so far as my 14 year old very impressionable and malleable mind was concerned. And while slut shaming is a relativity new coinage the act of shaming women for enjoying sex as much as men in rap and prose is as old as old school hip-hop. There was¬†Veronica Veronica¬†by K-Love from 85, Dear Yvette¬†by James Todd Smith¬†in that same year and even the aforementioned and quoted KRS One who dropped¬†The P (as in pussy) is Free¬†on his inaugural LP Criminal Minded as a way to connect with hip-hops core audience–BLACK MEN.

If the perception that black men don’t value or think highly of black women vis-a-vis how hip-hop portrays the collective black male ethos, the casting call for the forthcoming NWA ‘Straight Out Of Compton’¬†biopic should cement home this painful truth.

From the actual model vixen call:

A GIRLS: These are the hottest of the hottest. Models. MUST have real hair – no extensions, very classy looking, great bodies. You can be black, white, asian, hispanic, mid eastern, or mixed race too. Age 18-30. Please email a current color photo, your name, Union status, height/weight, age, city in which you live and phone number to: subject line should read: A GIRLS

B GIRLS: These are fine girls, long natural hair, really nice bodies. Small waists, nice hips. You should be light-skinned. Beyonce is a prototype here. Age 18-30. Please email a current color photo, your name, Union status, height/weight, age, city in which you live and phone number to: subject line should read: B GIRLS

C GIRLS: These are African American girls, medium to light skinned with a weave. Age 18-30. Please email a current color photo, your name, Union status, height/weight, age, city in which you live and phone number to: subject line should read: C GIRLS

D GIRLS: These are African American girls. Poor, not in good shape. Medium to dark skin tone. Character types. Age 18-30. Please email a current color photo, your name, Union status, height/weight, age, city in which you live and phone number to: subject line should read: D GIRLS

This casting call accurately portrays the 1989 mindset and the kind wayward thinking that was instilled in the young black males and females of that day and with time it only got worse. The Notorious BIG and Tupac Shakur are two emcees that are arguably in every hip-hop heads top five (dead or alive). As much as I to this day enjoy their music they made careers out of calling black women bitches and treating them like ho’s in video and real life. I say all of this to say that the same classical conditioning¬†that was operative in Pavlov’s experiment with dogs salivating over food is operative in black men thirsting over and objectifying black women. Point being that it’s not hate so much that these generation X and beyond brothers display it’s simply a form of conditioning that they/we have yet to unlearn. Black women certainly have a role to play in dispelling some of the notions about them replete in hip-hop culture.¬†

10. The Affinity for White Women Theory


One of the more propagated misconceptions bantered about in the ether is the notion that most black men prefer to date white women over black women. This is despite statistics saying that better than 88 percent of black married men are married to black women. Yet and still there is a persistent and pervasive perception that brothers especially when they achieve a degree of success tend prefer women of a lighter hue. Perception more often than not precedes being so even though black men only marry outside of the black community 11 percent of the time that 11 percent gets an awful lot of daylight and airtime. So it is with that vein of thought that I draw my hypothesis for this particular case. 

Since the first white males encroached the shores of Africa (or shortly afterwards) black women have been fair game and they have had carte blanch access to their minds, bodies and souls–with and without consent. Often much to the chagrin of black men. ¬†Black men on the other hand could not even look at a white woman without fear of being lynched prior to about 70 years ago or so. White women to black men are still some what of a novelty and that more than anything is the impetus for seemingly so many brothers have eschewing black women for their white counterparts.¬†


Again these are merely theories from an untrained blogger who doubles as a social media fire starter. It has not been peer reviewed or timelessly tested so by all means feel free to poke holes in all of the theories because at the end of the day the goal is to dispel the notion that black men hate black women and that can only be done by dialogue and endeavoring to better understand the dynamics that engulf our respective worlds and make us tick. So please share your thoughts for purposes of continued education on the matter.