Cooncatagory #1 The CLARENCE THOMAS LIFETIME COONCHIEVEMENT AWARD
This award goes to the man/woman on Clubhouse who has contributed the most (in deeds and dictate) to tearing down the Black community for the express benefit of upholding white supremacy. This person will 12 out of 10 times side with the whites over the blacks—no matter what the issue is. They are perhaps the most despicable Coons that affect the culture because they honestly and truly hate Black people.
Cooncatagory #2 The UNCLE RUCKUS DON’T TRUST THOSE NEW NIGGERS OVER THERE
This award goes to the man/woman most skilled in scapegoating disaffected minorities for all that ails society. Particularly within the “black community”. This person is usually a cantankerous old person (or young person with an old ass decrepit soul) that has failed at the game of life and only seeks to find excuses for why it’s someone else fault that they’re a loser 😞. You will usually find this type of coon on Clubhouse dressing down Black immigrants using pseudo history that they pulled out of their ass or a bunch of other nonsense that they claimed to learn from their nana.
Cooncatagory #3 The HERMAN CAIN RIDE AND DIE AWARD
The Herman Can Ride AND Die award goes to Coon most likely to lay down his or her life to preserve the white supremacist construct. They would literally sign a waiver and/or NDA to protect their favorite white supremacists as they freely spread invective, misinformation and deadly viruses 🦠. This person loves white supremacy even more than their own family.
Cooncatagory #4 The STEVEN FROM DJANGO DON’T TOUCH MY MASSA, HIM BEEN GOOD TO ME AWARD
This award goes out to the Black man or woman on this app who will protect their massa at all costs. Well almost. Unlike the Herman Cain Ride AND Die award this sort of coon only rides the bus 🚌 until the wheels fall off. At which point they hop off and either falls in line with some other white supremacist benefactor. Or pretend that they were down with the blacks all along (lying with a straight face). They are the embodiment of the house nigger. For them it’s all about self preservation more than anything else. It’s evidenced by my favorite scene in Django when he told them to say bye to Ms Laura. Even though Stephen loved him some Candyman and he just finished watching his massa die, he was much more interested in fleeing than fighting. That’s typically how this type of coon moves on Clubhouse.
Cooncatagory #5 The TERRY CREWS GYM CROW IS NOT RACIST award.
Terry Crew Gym Crow Error Award goes to the type of coon that has more muscle 💪🏿 power than brain 🧠 power—even the ones that don’t have muscles. They typically apologize for the racism in our midst rather than challenging or even acknowledging it. When shown real-time blatant racism in society this type of coon sees no racism, hears no racism and feels no racism. Unless of course it’s a Black person “being racist”. You’d actually hear some of them say things like “Black people are the most racists people in America”. Their Twitter activity is also eerily similar to the following:
Cooncatagory #6 The VAN JONES CRY ME A RIVER award.
This award goes to the type of coon that whines incessantly while cooning hard. He or she lacks core convictions so they have a bi-partisan flow to their coonagraphy. One day you might catch them pushing or protecting a Democratic agenda and the next day you might catch them co-crying over some Republican nonsense. The one thing that’s consistent is the paper trail. This sort of coon is on a paper chase and in such their opines are subject to whichever way the money goes.
Cooncatagory #7 The WILLIAM O’NEIL COONINTELPRO PAID AGENT Award
This award goes to people/Clubs who have joined organizations and movements (on and off this app) that publicly purport to support Black people but secretly seek to divide and destroy real progress within said community. Some of them talk a very good game and are skilled in the art of double speak and bullshit rhetoric. Many are great orators actually. But upon interrogating their thoughts and motives it becomes crystal clear that J Edgar Hoover would have hired them. This type of coon is most certainly on the payroll of some nefarious clandestine white supremacist organization. You don’t even need the receipts to tell.
Cooncatagory #8 The KANYE WEST, SLAVERY WAS A CHOICE AWARD
This award goes to the Black man or woman that routinely blames Black people for the conditions that white supremacy created. They are often heard saying that white supremacy does not exist or that white supremacy is a mind set as opposed to a systematic structural impediment. The level of psycho babble that emanates when they go off mute 🤐 has the listener wondering 💭 what their IEP looked like through school. They consistently wade into topical conversations that they have absolutely no grasp of. On Clubhouse they simply repeat long debunked talking points, anecdotal stories (that others have told) and regular ass white supremacist propaganda. They are followers that look in the mirror and see a leader.
Cooncatagory #9 The BEN CARSON GIFTED HANDS BUT USELESS MIND Award
This award goes to someone who on the surface is seemingly bright. At least they should be according to their stated credentials. Then they unmic and make it painstakingly clear that their brain is like that egg on drugs from that commercial back in the day.
Cooncatagory #10 The Kevin Samuels/Tommy Sotomayor , damn I hate Black women award 🥇
This award goes to the Black man on this app who inexplicably ,incessantly and most consistently tears down Black women. You will see them on this app blaming Black women for everything from eating the apple in the garden of Eden to mass incarceration of Black men in America. The cause of all the world’s problems according to this person are Black women. Many of these dudes hate their mothers and/or don’t know their fathers. In their mind most single mothers became single mothers via immaculate inception. From their room titles to the banter in their spaces it’s nothing but toxic. Only therapy can help this type of coon to become well.
Cooncatagory #11 The Pink Pill I hate all Black men award. Even the good ones (because they don’t exist)
This award basically goes to the female counterpart of the ignorant Black women male haters. You will often hear them propagating terms like hypergamy and divestment to explain away their anti-blackness. At the end of the day they are jaded in ways that are far above my pay grade to diagnose.
Cooncatagory #12 The LARRY ELDER GIVE REPARATIONS TO MY MASSA SINCE I CAN’T BE HIS SLAVE ANYMORE
The LARRY ELDER GIVE REPARATIONS TO MY MASSA SINCE I CAN’T BE HIS SLAVE ANYMORE award goes to the Black man or woman who would literally vote to bring back chattel slavery because they feel like they secured space in the big house. Basically we are talking about people who are sad that they were born too late to be a house nigger. The Larry Elder Give Reparations To My Massa Since I can’t be his slave anymore type coon aspires to be the kind of coon that the Stephen From Django became. Minus the dead master of course.
Cooncatagory #13 THE I’M NOT BLACK I’M OJ OR WHATEVER Award
This award goes to the Black man or Black woman on this app that claims to be everything but Black while often times denying having any roots to Africa. They include nappy head and lace front Indians, aboriginal people, Moors, Israelites and all sorts of other goofy things that most of the people on this app never talked about before coming on here.
Cooncatagory #14 The African that was running for Governor that said Black history month should end but none of the people that bring him up seem to know his name award.
This award goes to the non-African American non ADOS Black person that are either domestic or abroad pushing white supremacist talking points and ideals. Sometimes they agree with American bred coons and sometimes they defer. Either way they share the same contorted worldview that has been highly tainted by white supremacist thoughts.
Cooncatagory #15 The Herschel Walker Run nigger Run Award
The Herschel Walker run nigger run award goes to Negropeon most skilled in the art of assuaging guilt and placating the fragile feelings of bigoted whites. They often tend to embody and accentuate the most negative stereotypes about Black men. Whether it be running faster into a brick wall for entertainment purposes, having multiple babies from multiple women (and not taking care of them, or speaking fluent slave English this person checks all of the stereotypical tropes on the box. To the most racist white minds in America the Herschel Walker run nigger run award is the model Black American. Particularly if they can get this person to parrot their political and philosophical talking points Ad nausea.
Cooncatagory #16 the Tariq Nasheed All Black lives don’t matter award
This award goes to the Black person on this app most skilled in delineating blackness. In fact delineation is their favorite new word. This type of Coon often comes across as halfway intelligent until you give sufficient push back to their talking points. That is when you find out that this person is another black selling out to white supremacy.
Cooncatagory #17 The Chuck and Shaq Shuck & Jivers minstrel duo of the year award.
This award goes to the duo on this app that exists solely to entertain and assuage white people while simultaneously humbling (and humiliating) Black people. You will often hear these two in the most Buffon like fashion finger wave to Black people for the most minor infractions while forgiving the most egregious offenses of Black people by whites. This modern day Amos and Andy minstrel act usually works in tandem. Where you see Coon Frick you normally see Coon frack. So this particular Coonomination MUST be of two Clubhouse Coons that are most often mixed together and co-singners of each others constant Coonery.
Cooncatagory #18 The Stephen A Smith Jerry Jones is a good man award. Don’t nobody better say nothing bad about masa Jerry.
This award is similar to the Chuck and Shaq shuck and jivers of the year award except it’s a singular individual. This person again is bombastic, loud and proud about their overt defense of white supremacy. No excuse to too lame 😒 for this person when it comes to protecting whites racists. At the same time no explanation for why a Black person may come up short in any given scenario. You will usually find this sort of coon saying things like “white supremacy does not exist” or “Black people are as racist as white people”.
Cooncatagory #19 The Candace Owens Super Mammy I want to breast feed white babies 👶 for a living award.
This award basically goes to the female version of Cooncatagory #18. She like he will do and say anything to protect their white supremacist benefactors. Ask her about any infraction against Black people. From Trayvon Martin, to Ahmad Arbery to Sandra Bland and she will consistently land on the point that they are all responsible for the unfortunate events that claimed their lives. Racism or white supremacy will never be a conclusion of theirs.
Cooncatagory #20 The Heisman of Coonery. Also known as the Coon of the year also known as King/Queen Coom also known as the Ace Boon Coon.
The 2022 Heisman award of Coonery goes to the coon on this app that checked the most boxes of Coonery this past year. Meaning they displayed a healthy combination of characteristics from Cooncatagories 1 to 19.
One thought on “2nd Annual Clubhouse Koon Award Nomination Show”
Man, the Herman Cain entry had *tears* streaming down my face. Bra-fucking-vo.