2018 was yet another year of classic coonery. In this Trumpian era error that we’re in the midst of there seems to be a new breed of coon brewing in urban America. I can’t quite place a finger on what it is about the Orange Idiot that’s giving rise to this samboian outbreak but it is at least in part to his extreme narcissism and extra rapey ways. What I have noticed is that a lot of the black men that support or defend the reckless behavior of this current president exhibit some of his most untoward and reckless personality traits. At least that’s the theory I’m going with. I digress…With out further ado here’s your Top ten for 2018…
10. The Baby Coon Bootcampers
Random Fun fact: A group of raccoons are called a nursery or gaze.
When I was a young dumb 20-30 something I did my fair share of really dumb things. Thankfully camera phones were not ubiquitous devices back then as they are now. I’m even more thankful that my formative young adult years did not coincide with a rabid coon outbreak such as the one that led to this gaze gathering at the White House. Some of these young and dumb millennial’s will live to regret this photo op while others in this nursery will grow up to be full blown coons. Either way this posterior inspired photo op will be around for posterity so whether or not these young, dumb malleable minded minions will inextricably linked to the Class of coon 2018.
9. Herschel The Coon Walker
When you’re born black and the black folks that birthed you feels fit to name you Herschel, it’s not 100 percent your fault that you grew up to be a coon. Herschel and President Adolt Twittler go back to to his failed days as a professional football franchise owner.
He was literally Benedict Donald’s original favorite field Negro…So it should come as no surprise that decades later he’d make the smooth transition to the prototypical house negro.
8. Jim “Crow” Brown
Speaking of former NFL running backs suffering from CTE there’s this old fool. Many thought that his dalliance with coonery would be brief and by now he’d humbly come back to the tribe to petition for forgiveness ala Chrisette Michele. Nope! He’s a proud coon and is as perennial a member of the top ten coon list as he was the Pro Bowl. Ya’ll boy is gone for good.
7. Jason “the Witless wannabe white wonder”Whitlock
Jason Whitlock is what you would call an OC (original coon). What differentiates Fatlock from the fuck boys (and girls) that precede him on this list is the fact that his Tom Coonery did not start (at least publicly) during Jive 45’s infamous and most unfortunate rise to the presidency. In other words cooning has always been part of his DNA. In his defense he has no discernible talents so cooning is next to 100 percent responsible for his success in life. So while he knows next to nothing about the sports that he’s paid to report on and he’s obviously never played a sport outside of maybe a hot dog eating contest or three, his value to his employer Fox Sports is his ability to assuage and massage the fragile white ego of white supremacist sports fans across the nation. Something that he’s pretty good at. Nobody can make bald, fat, nonathletic couch potatoes feel superior to the Colin Kapernicks and LeBron James of the world like Whitlock is able to do. Believe it or not that takes as much skill as it does audacity.
6. A Nigga named Paris (Dennard)
Say a prayer for our boy Paris. He had a pretty rough year. He spent most of the year taking verbal beat downs on CNN while frivolously failing at defending the foolishness of the Dump administration in viscerally embarrassing fashion. After stacking all them L’s CNN ended up cutting ties with him for being a pervert. No offense to the #MeToo movement but that boy ain’t hardly interested in vagina. It really was a misunderstanding…
5. Bobcat Johnson
Bob Johnson on the low has been cooning forever. The Founder of BET was one of the early culture vultures of hip hop. His cooning reached a crescendo in 2008 while campaigning for Hilliary Clinton in the 2008 Democratic Primary vs then Senator Barack Obama. At a black church of all places he dropped the timeless jewel “As an African American, I’m frankly insulted that the Obama campaign would imply that we are so stupid that we would think Bill and Hillary Clinton, who have been deeply and emotionally involved in black issues when Barack Obama was doing something in the neighborhood that I won’t say what he was doing, but he said it in his book,” ~ Bob Johnson
Who would have thunk that 10 years later he’d be palling around with her arch enemy and the father or modern day white supremacist terror.
4. Coondace Owens
The baby coon summit was the brainchild of Ms Owens. Her corrupting so many minors in a single coon swoop should be enough to land her on this list. She has become one the darlings of conservative media and white people who prefer their blacks to be kind of racist towards other blacks. Like a nigga named Paris she takes a major L every time she ventures away from the Fox News studio to opine on shit she has no clue about–like life itself. If the term Poor little tink tink had an avatar. It would be this whack ass chic and that was made abundantly clear the day she dared to debate Dr. Micheal Eric Dyson on MSNBC.
3. Uncle Ben Carcinogen
Uncle Ben is making black history and he don’t even know it. In every horror movie the black guy dies first. This black guy is two years in and still running. Many careers have come and died entering the Trump White house and this nigga is still breathing. That’s a remarkable feat if you think about it. Unless you watched Bird Box and understand that the retarded mother fuckers like Ben and Candy don’t have to wear blind folds because they have have a built in immunity.
2. Tim Scott
With President Obama now citizen Obama Tim Scott is the most powerful black man in America. By default he makes the list for being in such a powerful position as a United States Senator while being the weak pathetic bent back bitch ass that he’s been since being elected. As senator he’s rubber stamped every racist bill, judge and cabinet member that was put up for a vote. He’s a truly deplorable black man that will go down in history as one the most destructive to black people and progress in America with how he’s comported himself as Senator.
2a. Clarence Thomas
Tim Scott rivals only Clarence Thomas when it comes to the race for the black person that could set black people and black progress back the furthest. Every day this human lawn jockey thinks of how he can throw a monkey wrench in the black come up. I know that we are not supposed to wish death on folks but come on my good Christian friends. He has a lifetime appointment. I need this nigga to die in order to live my beast negro life. #HurryUpAndDieYouVarmint
1. Koonye Kardashian West
Kanye was hip hop. Not the totality of the construct but a firm part of it and he has the receipts to prove it. And while the Donald Trump brand has had it’s fair share of mentions in hip hop (particularly before his foray into politics) he’s the antithesis of hip hop so even though on paper Mr Kardashian is a powerless peon, his Trumpian antics and mushroom dick riding have a deleterious affect on the culture. For that he can never be forgiven. Like Ben and Candy he don’t have to wear a blind fold because he’s already touched. But we not gonna excuse or write it off as mental illness his major transgressions. As black people and progeny of slaves still living in a world rife with white supremacy we all have truama running through our DNA. Some of us choose to embrace the plantation and in most instances the motivations are more selfish in nature than they are subconscious. Plantation Psychosis is what we would label what ails Kanye and there really is no cure. That’s precisely why he’s on the trading block for the next racial draft.
Before you accuse me of being hyperbolic for calling the Black Panther movie the seminal movie of the 21 first century understand that the 21st century is a mere 18 years old so it’s not like it was up against a great deal of competition. That said the title is a bit of an understatement because it’s actually the most seminal movie in the last 100 years (at least). Now you can feel free to lambaste me for being hyperbolic. But I implore you to hear me out first.
Art imitates life and vice versa. 50, 60 , 100 years ago a film like this could never have procured the financing because the guardians of Hollywood’s purse strings were well aware of how powerful media imagery is on the collective subconscious of a nation and how the collective subconscious of a nation being triggered has the power to create huge paradigm shifts in a relatively short period of time. Ronald Reagan is the lord and savior of the conservative id to this day, not because of what he did as governor of California or president of the United States. Ronald Reagan earned his stripes as the god father of conservative ideology for what he did in Hollywood. Not as the D List actor that he was, but as the head of the screen actors guild. As guardian of American cinema he made sure that every movie that he had the power to green light was way more John Wayne than John Brown. If a movie promised optics that codified White patriarchal supremacy it was green lit and fully and very easily financed. If it had even a semblance of an opposite affect it wasstopped in its tracks and those who were part of the failed project were essentially black listed and labeled communist sympathizers.
It’s hard to overstate the correlation between what comes on the silver screen and how the it affects the worldview of the masses.
Take for instance Birth of a Nation (The original 1915 movie). It was hailed as cinematic genius and in a way it was. Not because of a creative plot but because of how it helped stamp white patriarchal supremacy as the dominant theme of the 20th century American ethos. Even more indelible was the damsel in distress trope of white women at the hands of the scary black man. A trope that still holds a lot of weight in this day and age.
As you can see media imagery and subliminal messaging are extremely effective and long lasting–much more than most consciously know or understand. If it were not so effective a 30 second super bowl commercial would not cost 5 million dollars and product placement in movies would not cost exponentially more (I can only imagine how much Lexus paid for their prominent feature in this movie).
For the sake of brevity I’m going to highlight just a few of the paradigm shifting subliminal and not so subliminal messages that were inherent in this movie that seems to have taken root in the collective unconscious of not just African-Americans writ large but Americans of all walks.
Africa minus European Encroachment = Wakanda. Diamonds + salt + gold + iron + cobalt +uranium + copper +bauxite + silver + petroleum + cocoa beans + platinum + phosphate + tropical fruits + zirconium + unlimited sunshine = Vibranium. While the nation of Wakanda is no doubt a mythical land, make no mistake about the fact that the wealth and resources boasted about it in the movie is very real and very tangible. Africa is the home of humanity. The cradle of civilization that if it were unmolested by colonization and mass human trafficking as a continent it would be every bit as powerful, self sufficient and self sustaining as the fictitious nation of Wakanda. One of the most beautiful things about this movie is the fact that it has inspired regular run of the mill American Negroes, the type that would normally be averse or indifferent to the motherland, to be far more embracing of it and intellectually curious about it. Some of the same black folks that propagate half and barely truthful talking points like “Africans look down on black Americans” showed up in movies theaters in dashiki’s talking about “Wakanda for life”. Some see them as hypocrites. I see Ne-growth. More importantly I see what Marcus Garvey saw when he created the Black Star Line and his back to Africa movement. Not necessarily or solely in the physical form but back to Africa mentally. The village within the diaspora concept.
Paying homage to paying homage
Paying homage to ones ancestors is not uniquely African. At least not on a surface level. There’s all sorts of buildings, bridges and monuments erected in honor of the dead colonizers. However the African centered form of homage whereby calling on and leaning on the elders and ancestors for knowledge, strength and wisdom is indeed uniquely African. Ostensibly the deeper the roots and tradition the more knowledge, wisdom and strength that can be gleamed. Nothing illustrated that salient fact more than juxtaposing T’Challa’s trips through the ancestral plane with Killmonger’s trip. T’Challa during his first trip through the ancestral plane went in lacking the confidence of a king. Burdened with taking over the thrown from his father who was killed T’Challa needed reassurances that he was up for the job. T’Chaka reminded him that he prepared him for this day giving him all of the assurances that he needed and he came back to present day Wakanda with the requisite confidence to defend all challengers to the throne. During his second trip through the ancestral plane he had even more confidence. So much so that he challenged the wisdom of his father and the ancestors that preceded him for their failure to share the wealth, resources and technology with the rest of the African diaspora still under the firm grip of white supremacy. In that instance he was actually standing on the shoulders of his ancestors and seeing far past their highest visions. Conversely when Killmonger went through the ancestral plane he did not have a very deep path to draw from. His father who never made it to the elder stage of life was probably the same age as Killmonger was when he was killed so you essentially had a person who was arrested in his development seeking wisdom from someone who was equally suspended in a primordial state of being. Since nothing plus nothing equals nothing Killmonger arises from the ancestral plane even more reckless than when he laid down. The great take away from these two cousin’s trip down ancestral lane is that sins of the father revisit the son and the sins of an absent father revisit and oftentimes destroy their sons. Something that many of us know all too well.
Black Girl Magic Galore
What do the #Blacklivesmatter, #Metoo and #OscarSoWhite hashtags have in common? #Timesup here is your answer: They were all the brainchild of black women and they all sparked major movements that to this day are major disruptive forces that have to be reckoned with.
As we delve deeper in to the Aquarian age feminine energy across the globe will only get more powerful and more potent so it would behoove black men to get ahead of the curve and be like T’Challa when it comes to incorporating the wise council of the women around him. One of the things that made T’Challa a successful King in the movie was his willingness to accept and respect the wisdom of the women around him. They proved to have more foresight and loyalty than his right hand man and that is a lesson that black men in America would be wise to adopt and adapt.
If every black man had him a Shuri for a sister, a Nakia for a wife, an Okoye as consiliari and 5 star general and a Ramonda for a momma we’d be a formidable force in this world as a people. As a matter of fact many of us have Shuri’s, Nakia’s, Okoye’s and Ramonda’s in our lives, we are just failing to recognize them. Ask failed US Senate candidate and former judge and accused pedophile Roy Moore if black women are formidable foes. Word to the wise. Surround yourself with some of these Wakandan warrior women already in your orbit.
Nobody wins when the family feuds
One of the reoccurring and more heated debates that I’ve seen post premiere has been the T’Challa vs Killmonger debate with many strongly feeling that Killmonger was the real hero in this fictitious tale. People expect those that are commonly referred to as “Hoteps” (by 2019 I hope that we can retire that phrase as a pejorative) to be more team Killmonger than team T’Challa but it’s not just the Black Israelites expressing these sentiments. People of sound mind are also concluding that Killmonger was more protagonist than antagonist– something that I find heartening and a bit disheartening. It’s somewhat disheartening in a way because despite him shooting his formerly ride or die Wakandan like woman through the heart and almost choking out an elder Wakandan woman there’s obviously a lot of passes being given for sociopathic behavior. It’s heartening at the same time because the movie was obviously able to evoke the long dormant wholistic thought pattern that was once common place in the Afrocentric thought process. One of the major problems with the African-American mindset is how we have been conditioned to think and process stimuli in such a binary manner. So while you may cringe at some of the Killmonger was the next Malcolm X quips and comparisons that cross your social media timelines take solace in the fact that some of our people are simply enamored with the fact that revolutionary thoughts, reversing the plight of of the historically oppressed and calling out the progeny of colonizers is what moves them more than some of his untoward antics and actions. In other words contentiousness is trending and it’s hard to construe that as a bad thing. Moreover the rage and inexplicable anger and angst possessed by Killmonger is inherent in some form or fashion in most black men in America.
James Baldwin said it best when he mused ‘to be a negro in America and relatively conscious is to almost always be in a fit of rage’. That described Killmomger as much as it describes most black people in America hence his widespread resonance amongst so many people. The myriad conversations and debates about who should be the King of Wakanda is more cathartic than problematic because it grants us a chance to do some Self reflection about who we are as a people and what our rightful place in the world is. Most importantly it grants us the opportunity to see Africans in Africa, abroad and state side as our cousins, brothers, sisters elders etc who we are only disconnected from via the dastardly deeds of European colonization and chattel slavery. In fact the plight of the black family in America is a microcosm of what the plight of Africans in Africa are. We have common issues so it only makes common sense for a symbiotic and unbreakable bond be forged. With all that Vibranium flowing through the continent matched with all the intellectual property and ingenuity possessed by African-Americans it’s high time we set up trade routes and strategic partnerships that would be mutually benefit. The Chinese have made major inroads in Africa because of their monetary prowess. The United States and NATO is deep in the continent via Africom. Black people collectively don’t have the money that China has nor do we have the air craft carriers, surface to air missiles or anything near the stockpile of weapons of mass casualty possessed by Africom but what we do have is the blood royal bloodline-Wakanda for life right?
As bad as cast of characters were in act one, their black cards don’t necessarily need to be revoked–at least not permanently. Act two though? These 50 coons for the most part are coons that black people need to collectively shun for good barring a 180 degree about face from whatever the infraction(s) was that landed them in such dubious company.
Coontestant# 49 Cam Newton
Based on his offense to blackness in 2016 Cam actually belongs in the first group of redeemable coons. Cam is setting off the coon for life team via extrapolation. In 2015 Cam embraced being a strong and proudblack man, much to the chagrin of the Carolina fan base and of course team ownership. So what did they do? They decided to bring in GOP spin doctor and race bait extraordinaire Frank Luntz to be the quarterbacks coach on navigating conversations on social issues and race, and boy was Cam a quick study.
At the rate of change that Luntz’s tutelage had on Cam, if he remains the QB’s race coach for much longer Cam will indeed become the second coming of Sammy Sosa–and much closer to the number one spot in the next year. Here’s hoping that Cam listens to more sounds of blackness in 2017 and less Frank Luntz.
Coontestants 48-46 Alicia D White, Caesar R Goodson and William Porter
While these three coons did not directly kill Freddie Gray, they grossly abdicated their civic responsibilities, their blackness and their sheer humanity to protect the blue shield. They were charged along with the three white officers who were actually the ones that mortally wounded Gray in an attempt to get to the truth. In the end the the well intended tactic failed. Largely because of these three coward ass coons.
With the cooperation of the aforementioned three coons, all of the charges stemming from Freddie Gray’s murder were dropped on all six suspects.
Coontestant# 45 Baltimore Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake
After prosecutor Marilyn Mosby took the courageous and unprecedented step of casting a wide net to prosecute the murder of a citizen by the police her mayor threw her under the bus by claiming that she (Mosby) was bowing to political pressure as opposed to trying to solve a murder perpetrated by the state. She also insinuated that Mosby was not ready for the big stage, and when her city cops instigated a “riot”, instead of empathizing with the young black youth that were being antagonized by her city police officers she publicly called the kids thugs. Rawlings-Blake was and remains solidly on the side of the Baltimore Police Department despite the fact that the Justice department revealed systemic abuses. She is yet another black face put in a high place to protect white supremacy and maintain the status quo.
Coontestants #44-39 (washed up former athletes for Trump) Mike Tyson, Latrell Sprewell, Terrell Owens Shawn Merriman and Floyd Mayweather
It greatly pains me to put a former main man (Mike Tyson) on this list, but gotta go gotta go. When your allegiance to a purveyor of such overt bigotry and racism is stronger than your allegiance to your people you have out lived your worth to the community.
Coontestant# 38 Katrina Pierson
This bubble headed broad was Donald Chrumps national spokeswoman during his campaign and as ridiculous and juvenile as his little twitter fingers are, hers were worse. So much so that she did not even get a White House job after all the cooning that she did to help get him elected. She’s made more appearances on milk cartons in the mid-west than she has on cable news since Trump was elected.
Coontestant# 37 Malik Obama
This coon from another continent and half brother of President Barack Obama was hired by Donald Chrump to be a prop at his last debate verse Hillary Clinton. He pulled off the trifecta with that coon move. He sold out African-Americans, his family name and the entire continent of Africa.
Coontestamt#36 Armstrong Williams
Armstrong Williams has been cooning since before Tookie Williams was banging. This OG coon has been pushing the white supremacist agenda for so long that I almost for got that he rode the coon train. The television host, business partner and bff of Dr. Ben Carson had an up and down year himself. While his media empire continues to grow and he remains one of the most successful black men in media ownership his penchant for sexually harassing males continue to haunt him…
I wonder what his bff Ben Carson who is anti-gay to the extreme feels about his homies predisposition for getting butt massages by men.
Coontestant#35 Stacy Dash
Stacy Dash aside from being a certified coon for life is a glutton for punishment and addicted to the game of rotisserie roast-me on twitter. She started 2016 out on the wrong foot by decrying the inherent racism of the Image Awards, BET and even going so far as to say that Black History month needed to be abolished. Her timing was impeccable because a week after she made the comments the NAACP image awards came and she was roasted by host Anthony Anderson who said
“Everybody give a round of applause for Stacey Dash…What the hell is she doing here? Doesn’t she know that the Fox network is using her? She’s just an Ann Coulter dipped in butterscotch. That’s all she is. Baby, don’t let them use you! …Come back to the black people and get back to work on some of those beautiful C-movies that you used to do!” ~ Anthony Anderson
And of course Black Twitter had to get a piece of the action
While Twitter had a ball with her coonified faux pas in 2016 unfortunately there will be less opportunities to lampoon her lunacy because Fox News declined to extend her contract for 2017. All that cooning she did and still got dropped. I wonder if BET is hiring???
Coontestants 34-25 Allen West, Jesse Lee Patterson , Herman Cain, Larry Elder, Niger Innis, Raven Symone, Pastor David Manning , Charles Payne and Bob Johnson
These ten consummate coons did not do or say anything of note in 2016. At least nothing more noteworthy than what we have all come to expect from them but what’s a coon list without adding them. The marvel is the fact that none of these handkerchief heads cracked the top 10 or even 20 this year.
Coontestant #24 Lesean “Shady” McCoy
If he needs help, he’ll call the cops ~ Shady McCoy on Colin Kapernicks protest
Coontestant#23 Steve Perry
For most of this dudes career in public life and as a “school reformer” he’s flown far under the radar coondar. It makes him one of the more dangerous coons in America, specifically because his end goal is the destruction of the public school system and the teaching profession-particularly those in black communities. One of the few silver linings in Donald Chrump becoming the president is the fact that the insidious and dastardly deeds as they pertain to his work with school reform overtly dovetails with the plans that the new president has for inner city schools and he is rightly starting to be called out for it and it’s getting harder and harder for him to conceal his true motives.
Coontestant# 22 Lee Daniels
This dude has been speaking reckless for sometime now. His quizzical reasoning for why he cast a white star is as befuddling as it is bemusing.
We would be remiss not to add this guy to the list. With Obama leaving office and Justice he’s the most powerful black man in the nation. And with those powers he votes lock step with the avowed racists in the US senate. From repealing voter rights and protections to removing the social safety net for the most needy this dude is as “ain’t shit” as they come.
Coontestants# 20-19 Diamond & Silk
This is what happens when rats and raccoons crossbred. These two Ratcoons better known as Diamond and Silk are the human equivalent of a Fox News merger with BET. If Azelia Banks and Carlton Banks ever had twins Diamond & Silk is who they’d grow up to be like. These hood possums are a viral minstrel show and are unabashed about it.
Coontestant# 18 Jason Whitlock
Jason Whitlock is another long time coon who has a fairly broad media perch for which he uses to spread his cooned out opines.
Jason Whitlock on Black lives matter:African-Americans are more likely to be struck by lightning than to be killed by police
Jason Whitlock on Colin Kapernicks protest: “This kid was about Instagram models, tattoos, his abs and building up the Colin Kaepernick brand — until the very moment he loses his starting quarterback job, and now he’s out here and he’s ‘Martin Luther Cornrow.’ And he’s got cornrows, he’s Allen Iverson, he’s Angela Davis. I don’t buy it
It’s rather obvious that he hates the black skin that he was born in. It’s unfortunate that he is given such a wide ranging perch on television, radio and print media to misinform the masses while codifying the white supremacist construct.
Coontestant#17 Justice Clarence Thomas
Now that Justice Scalaia is dancing with the devil until the end of eternity and unable to stick his hand up this clowns ass to play puppet master, he’s a rudderless coon on the bench less able to fuck over the country and black people by extension. He still however is one of the most destructive coons to black progression of all time so his falling out of the top ten has much less to do with him doing less cooning in 2016 and much more to do with the the uptick in competition coonpetition for that number one spot.
Coontestant#16 Kanye West
Kanye has been on a collision course with coonery for a while now. And while his fragile mental state is cause for more empathy and understanding than scorn and rebuke we’ed be remiss to omit him from making the top 20 list for 2016. With love of course.
Coontestant# 15 Officer Brentley Vinson
The man on the left is Keith Lamont Scott. Someone who was minding his business reading a book in his car while waiting to pick his kid up from school. The coon on the right is Brently Vinson, the Charlotte officer that murdered him for no reason at all. And while I do think that it’s possible a black man joinging a racist police force such as Charlotte could lead to him becoming a coon, something tells me that Vinson was a coon long before he received his badge. He’s a graduate of Liberty University. What Black man goes there that is not already a coon?
Coontestant# 14 Sgt. Demetrick Pennie
This coon with a badge just wanted to make his name known as a proud member of the Procyon species of mammal. Why else would he bring forth such a frivolous suit? This is what you call “how to get on Fox news 101”. i should not even be giving him the attention but how can he not make this list? This coon is being used as a pawn in a law suit not only naming Black Lives Matter, but also President Obama, Hillary Clinton, and Al Sharpton. This coon is literally throwing his feces at the wall with hopes that is sticks.
Coontestant# 13 Howard Croft
Howard Croft served as the City of Flints director of public works from 2011 until he was forced to resign in 2015. His position oversaw the flint water distribution system. It was him that brought the recommended changes that had the then city emergency manager Ed Kurtz switch the cities water source to the Flint River. He along with Kurtz has been indicted and is facing up to 20 years. Luckily he has the face of a snitch and all indications are he is doing just that as his previous counsel dropped him for meeting with investigators alone and rumors that the governor Rick Snyder too will soon face indictment. Stay tuned…
Coontestant #12 Darnell Earley
Darnell Earley is one of the emergency managers that the governor hand picked to run many of the cities in the state of Michigan. Even before the Flint water crisis that he helped cultivate and cover up he was a certified coon because he was used as a tool to usurp the sovereignty and franchise of the black people of the cities that he was appointed. He basically helped render their votes impotent because no matter who the citizens of Benton Harbor, Flint or Detroit elected, he and the other emergency managers were placed in charge of their city. He eventually replaced Ed Kurtz as city manager of Flint during their ill-fated switch to the Flint river for the cities water supply. Despite knowing that poisons from that river was literally making the citizens of the city sick to death. He too is facing indictment. He even had the audacity to try and stick the cash strapped city of Flint with the bill for his $750 per hour lawyer.
Coontestant#11 Pastor Mark Burns
This extra mediocre fuck boy is your typical witless and talent-less tool. A coon of his stature normally would not make it so close to the top 10 even in a non-vintage year. He makes it this high on the list for the sheer audaciousness of his cooning ways. After cooning his way into a speaking gig at the GOP convention it all came crashing down when his bio was discovered to have been replete with alternative facts. He stated that he was a member of Kappa Alpha Psi fraternity that was a lie, he said that he was in the Army reserve, and that too was proven to be untrue. His being enrolled in a masters of divinity program also was a figment of his imagination. He was confronted with all of these stretches of the truth on camera in a sit down interview with CNN. It was so bad for the coon that he tried to go off the record mid interview and when that did not work homeboy walked out of the interview leaving the CNN correspondent all by his lonesome in his 400 square foot church. In the end Massa Trump took him off the coon circuit and his ass ain’t been seen since.
Top 10 coons of 2016
Coontestant# 10 Pastor Darryl Scott
Pastor Darryl Scott is the lead vocalist in the Black Preachers for Trump crew.
In fact Darryl Scott is the Michael to Pastor Burns Tito in so far as what they mean to the BPFT movement.
So far he has not been able to parlay his pulpit cooning into a steady job with the administration so for now he has to settle for being the right hand coon to Donald’s right hand coon.
Coontestant# 9 Lil Wayne
Wayne actually looks like the physical manifestation of a rat and raccoon encounter during mating season. His music has long been of the minstrel type. However as demeaning and degrading as his music has been over the last couple of decades he managed to make occasional dalliances with the reality faced by many of his fans that made him the mega rap star that he is. That’s why is answers to some very basic questions into his level of black consciousness left so many bemused.
Lil Wayne on Colin Kapernicks protest:
“I’m not into it enough to even give an opinion. Somebody had to tell me why he was doing it. That’s how much I didn’t know what was going on, and I kinda still don’t. Somebody gotta explain to me like, ‘Yo, he kneeling because of Black Lives Matter thing and because’—that whole wave just went by me too fast for me to give an opinion.”
Lil Wayne on racism:
“These 33 years have been nothing but a blessing,” Wayne said on the show. “I have never—never’s a strong word. I have never, never dealt with racism and I’m glad I didn’t have to.” Tunechi added that he didn’t know if being a star made him immune to racism, but he now knows racism does exist despite racism not being his reality, continuing, “I would have to say I thought it was over. I still believe it’s over, but, obviously it isn’t.”
Lil Wayne after black twitter got wind of his coonery:
Coontestant# 8 Jim Brown
Jim’s late breaking 2016 coonery caught a lot of people by surprise but I can’t say that I am one of those folks. Jim has a reputation for being down for the historic causes on behalf of the black community but the truth us Jim has always been out for Jim.
This famous photo of Jim Brown and other great black athletes in their prime years during the 1960’s showing their unconditional and public support is something of an urban legend. Jim Brown is rightly credited with putting the group together, but the stated goal of this meeting of the minds has been obfuscated over the years. This meeting of hall of fame minds was the brainchild of boxing promoter Bob Arum. He tasked Jim Brown with gathering the group to convince Muhammad Ali to enlist in the Army so that his ban from boxing would be rescinded and they could all profit from the burgeoning closed circuit pay per view industry. It just so happened that Ali was game enough for all of them and would not hear any of it. In the end these “well meaning” gentlemen & Jim settled for this iconic photo op.
Which brings us to his most recent photo op in the tale end of 2016. The one where Trump and his loyal brown minions sent him on the now familiar walk of shame through the Trump Towers lobby to deliver this barf inducing quip:
“I fell in love with him because he really talks about helping African-American, black people and that’s why I’m here” ~~ Jim Brown on Donald Trump
# 7 Don King
About the only mantra more annoying than Don Kings “Only in America” chant is Don Trumps “Make America great again” so the natural synergy between the two Dons should surprise no one. What I did find just a little bit surprising is the level of minstrel that Mr.King stooped to while introducing him:
“You’ve got to understand, my black brothers and sisters, they told me, ‘You’ve got to try to emulate and imitate the white man and then you can be successful… So we tried that. They said, ‘If you can get some money, you can do this here.’ I told Michael Jackson, I said if you’re poor, you’re a poor negro – I would use the N-word – but if you’re a rich, you’re a rich negro; if you are intelligent, you’re an intellectual negro; if you’re a dancing and sliding and gliding nigger – I mean negro – you’re a dancing and sliding and gliding negro. So dare not alienate because you cannot assimilate. You know, you’re going to be a negro till you die.”
Coontestant #6 Sherrif David Clarke
Milwaukee sheriff David Clarke is one black man that has never met a shooting of an unarmed black man by a law enforcement officer that he did agree with. David Duke has more genuine love for black people than this afro goatee having nincompoop. In addition to being one of Fox News most prized props for misinformation he oversees as sheriff one of the deadliest jails in the country and for that he has legislators in his state asking that he be removed.
Coontestant# 5 Shaqcoon O’Neal
Shaq shot up the coon charts in 2016. His penchant for always paying homage to the police and being an honorary sheriff has always been a turn off but not enough to place him so high on the coon list or even on it at all. That was of course until her decided it prudent to give his incoherent and coonish opine on Colin Kapernick’s anthem protest on Fox & Friends of all places…
“To each his own…I don’t really have a say on it, but I would never do that. My father was a military man, and you know, he protected this country. Uncles are in law enforcement, you know, they go out and work hard every day..People like Muhammad Ali and Bill Russell, they were one way their whole career. You can’t show us something, and then go to another just because of certain issues”~ Shaq
What makes Shaq’s commentary so egregiously coonish is the fact that he’s part of the .001 percent of Black Americans. Unlike most of the coons that routinley grind our gears he’s far from being a mediocre negro. He literally hit the DNA lottery with his god given physique. He has zero reasons to be cooning and even less reasons to be sitting on the couch with the lame cast of Fox & Friends giving an opine on issues that require depth of understanding and nuanced thought. Big duffus has a PHD yet he let three stoogers from Fox News walk him into talking himself out of his black card.
Coontestant#4 Charles Barkley
Shaq’s partner in coon has much more experience in the area of catering to the angst ridden ego of white males so his offenses to black people and black culture is far less shocking. For him to out rank so many other certified coons he would however have to coon harder than he did in years past. Never one to back down from a challenge Barkley with the help of TNT put on a classical coon performance.
TNT has a 6 part series airing early in 2017 titled “The Race Card” which is a discussion around the hot-button issues that cause and comprise the strained racial relations in today’s America and they tapped Charles Barkley of all people to host the program. They might as well have named it “TNT Trolls Black America” because that is essentially what happened on the first stop of Coon conductor Charles. The first stop was in Baltimore Maryland and it came on the heels of a justice department report that highlighted systemic abuses of the residents of Baltimore at the hands of Baltimore City police. Charles however did not want to talk about that. He instead chastised the audience for not expressing condolences for 4 officers that were killed earlier in the week in other parts of the country. Needless to say that did not go very well. He ended up having to be ushered out by security because they were big mad.
Coontestant # 3 Ben Carson
Dr. Ben Carson is the only coon on the Trump train that was able to engineer for himself a a cabinet position. Being a renowned brain surgeon one would think that naturally he’s be tapped to be the surgeon general. Not in Trumps White House. Carson was instead tapped to head up the department of housing and urban development, something he has next to no clue about. Other than the fact that he’s black and hails from the inner city he is qualified to run HUD in Trumpian thought. Why? Because when they gut the agency render it totally useless they will be able to point to their black token as the cause to shield them from claims of racism.
Coontestant# 2 Ray Lewis
17 years ago Ray Lewis while partying at the Super Bowl in Atlanta with his boys got into some sort of conflict with two men who were both subsequently stabbed to death. Both of the victims blood made it’s way into Ray’s limo and the all white suit that his bama ass was wearing on that cold January day vanished from the face of the earth. Now I’m not calling Ray Lewis and murderer but that is what he was charged with and there was far more evidence linking him to the murders of Jacinth Baker and Richard Lollar than there was evidence linking OJ Simpson to the murders of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown. Despite the damning evidence and in the case of his Easter Sunday suit the lack there of Ray was acquitted of all charges. By the court or law and by the court of ubiquitous negro opinion. To most of white America however he was still a thug unworthy of playing in the NFL. So he went from Ray Lewis the typical bad boy from the University of Miami to Creflo Dollar Jr with the extra preachy super annoying disposition. Yet and still most from the Negro delegation even still. That obviously did not ingratiate himself enough with white America because in more recent years he’s incorporated some serious respectability negro politics into his spiel.
He started with making a bunch of lame videos appealing to the youth of Baltimore to behave and not riot in the face of police abuse then slowly but surely went full blown coon on us with several appearances on The Undisputed hosted by fellow coon Jason Whitlock where they formed the greatest black tag team duo since Rocky Johnson and Tony Atlas manned the squared circle. The Colin Kapernick story gave this tag team duo all kinds of coon life but that was just a warm up for Ray Ray. He too took the infamous walk of shame photo op at Trump Towers. But unlike Kanye, Jim Brown and Steve Harvey Ray looked like he was quite conformable in that setting.
Coon of the Year: Omarosa
This she devil right here is the most dangerous and despicable black woman in America–the world even. She’s Kelly-Ann Conway with melanin and a functioning brain. She’s #blackgirlrocks minus a conscious.
This cold calculating shrew is Donald Trumps bottom bitch and director of African-American coon outreach for his administration. She’s the cunning concubine of the slave master… .
…but don’t mistake her for Ernestine.
She’s much closer to the type of concubine that you’d find on the Candy land Plantation. You know the type that can’t live without master.
The truly unfortunate thing about her is the fact that she is smart, highly ambitious and talented. She knows more than the average coon and even more than the man that pays her a hansom ransom to corral and create more coons. She’s gonna make coons out of a lot of men these next four years. I pray that in the next few years she does not morph into some sort of role model for the young black, melaninated and impressionable young girls coming up. It’s bad enough that we have an avalanche of black men bending over backwards and forwards to appease the white male supremacist ethos that infects America. The last thing we need is a role model for young black girls to think it prudent to do the same. So while there’s no denying her drive and black girl magic, the fact that she uses her powers for evil purposes we’re going to have to shelve celebrating her achievements during the month of February.
As we say goodbye to the greatest for good we should also say goodbye for good to the term GOAT (save for conversations about Ali). Muhammad Ali embodied the term and it’s less than respectful to his legacy to bestow such a hollowed moniker on any other athlete or entertainer–especially those who have done little outside of their master craft to measure up to what the champ did outside of his day job. So in honor of the GOAT’s passing here are five (of many) reasons why no one should ever be refereed to as the greatest of all time ever again…
1. He created the term
On February 25, 1964 after the artist formally known as Cassius Clay stopped the heavily favored Sonny Liston in seven rounds he took to ring center and proclaimed that he was the greatest and that he shook up the world. Little did anyone know that this young brash 22 year old was not just smack talking and would go on to embody both the term “I Am the greatest” and the act of shaking up a world in need of shaking. Ali through the years had trials and tribulations that put to test his greatness and at every turn he would remind friend and foe alike that he was indeed the greatest of all time. You will be hard pressed to find an utterance of that verbatim prior to Ali saying so. Therefore he’s the standard bearer of what the GOAT should look, sound and act like.
2. His convictions were not compromised by public opinion, monetary gain or even peer pressure from his contemporaries
Muhammad Ali’s refusal to be drafted into the Army during the Vietnam war and the revocation of his title for it is well chronicled. One of the more poignant photos from that period of his life is the one where he is surrounded by some of his contemporary greats including Bill Russell, Jim Brown and Lew Alcinder. The misconception is that they were there to support Ali and his defiant stance against the war. The truth is they were actually there to do the opposite. The private meeting was to convince him to enlist and to assure him that he would not be going to war but instead would serve as an ambassador to it and a morale booster to the troops in much the same way that Joe Louis was used during World War II. Ali who was far less educated than all of the men in attendance (in a formal sense) had a rebuttal for each and every point they brought up. He went on an almost two hour filibuster going into great detail why he would not be supporting the Vietnam war or enlisting. He won over the well meaning yet naive greats and forced them to reexamine their tacit support of the war. So much so that Lew Alcindor followed the path of Cassius Clay and retired his slave name a couple years later.
3. Ali Spoke truth to power instead of seceding to the powers that be.
There has never been an athlete before or since Muhammad Ali that has had the courage to speak truth to power. He did not shrink, bow or take a back seat to white supremacy. He confronted the white supremacist construct with as much confidence and zeal as he confronted his opponents in the ring. His defiant stance in media gave a nation (within a larger more hostile nation) of millions courage and pride. It inspired protest and affirmed the fact that we as a people are great. He was not worried about endorsement dollars. In fact he knew that it would be more lucrative for him to go along to get along just as pretty much every athlete today does but he remained steadfast and fearless.
4. He was not trans-racial and did not transcend race. He was unapologetically Black.
Jackie Robinson, Joe Louis, and Jesse Owens were phenomenal athletes that paved the way for Muhammad and others to thrive in the sports arena. By extension they paved the way for black people to more equitably integrate in to all levels of sports, entertainment, business and academia because they humanized blacks in the minds of millions of white Americans that saw (and treated us) as less than. Jackie, Joe, and Jesse were not a black mans black man though. At least not publicly. They were the white mans black men and while I completely understand the precarious line that they had to walk they lacked the intestinal fortitude of Muhammad Ali who made the conscious decision to be the black mans black man. Before him on the national sports scene there was none and sadly no such an athlete has come after him. Muhammad Ali’s embrace of his blackness was so real and so authentic that white people loved and respected him for it (the ones that did not hate him for it).
Michael Jordan is widely considered the GOAT in basketballcentric conversations. However he was as bad off the court about being a strong black man that took strong black stances as he was good at dominating the league over the span of his playing career. Michael Jordan was arguably a greater basketball player on the court than Ali was a boxer in the ring but his sheer cowardice as it pertained being a black mans black man exempts him from legitimately holding the GOAT title. Micheal Jordan was famously asked in 1990 to endorse a black man running for the US Senate by the name of Harvey Gantt. Gantt at the time was trying to unseat one of the most rabidly racist and regressive US Senators since reconstruction by the name of Jesse Helms (NC). Michael Jordan’s response to the endorsement request was “Republicans buy sneakers too”. MJ was the closest athlete to reaching the world wide recognition as Ali. Black America could have really used from MJ in the 80’s and 90’s the kind of unapologetic blackness that Ali gave to black America during his prime. He chose to do the opposite therefore he’s much closer to being a goat than the GOAT.
5. He is the father of rap music and by extension the hip-hop culture
DJ Kool Herc is the father of hip-hop. Muhammad Ali however is the father of rap. The only thing missing from the punch lines, similes and analogies inherent in his prophetic and poetic proclamations were bars and hooks. The precocious and braggadocios rhymes that Ali spit was primordial hip-hop. In fact it was hip-hop (LL Cool Jay) that actually coined the acronym GOAT. And while LL is not the GOAT he is Ali. Jay Z is Ali, Ice Cube is Ali. Scar Face is Ali.Biggie was Ali, Tupac was Ali. Fuck being like Mike, Be like Ali. The one and ONLY GOAT.
I’m probably gonna ruffle a few feathers with this one but someone has to do it. It has to be said and overstated that The grieving mothers of Trayvon Martin, Sandra Bland, Eric Garner, Jordan Davis, Dontre Hamilton and Mike Brown are nothing close to being the mothers of any kind of movement and to label them as such for the express purpose of getting Hillary Clinton elected president is as embarrassing as it is offensive. Offensive and embarrassing to the untold mothers who have had to bury their sons and daughters due to an encounter with an overzealous non-empathetic cop and offensive and embarrassing to the millions of people from all walks of life that have taken to the streets with myriad acts of civil defiance seeking redress for the long standing and ongoing grievance of state, local and federal police officers abusing their authority and murdering innocent unarmed black people with impunity.
When Hillary was not on the chitterling circuit with these mothers shoring up her southern firewall (also known as the black vote) she was in the homes of the other half of her southern constituency (Dixicrats) raising funds and talking about “the issues”
The two diametrically opposed dispositions by Hillary Clinton in the last two videos is rivaled in galling political pivots only by the great feat that her husband pulled off in June of 1992 while he himself was on the stump. During Bill Clinton’s first bid for the white house he played the saxophone on the Arsenio Hall Show to illustrate how down he was with the blacks and ten days later at a Rainbow Coalition event using Jesse Jackson as a backdrop he conflated an out of context a musing by Sister Souljah with some of the lyrics in one of her songs to build up a black radical boogey monster that he was there to destroy. He actually compared her to David Duke to an audience full of black people. Of course his true audience were not the black folks sitting in attendance.
To be clear the movement that they are referring to as being the progeny of these women is the #blacklivesmatter movement. And to be even more clear it is a movement that the murders of the children of these women no doubt helped buoy and embolden. For that these women should be recognized for as having paid the ultimate sacrifice. No mother should have to endure what Sybrina Fulton, (mother Trayvon Martin), Lucia McBath, (mother of Jordan Davis), Geneva Reed-Veal, (mother of Sandra Bland), Gwen Carr, (mother of Eric Garner), Maria Hamilton( mother of Dontre Hamilton) Samaria Rice (mother of Tamir Rice) or Lesley McSpadden (mother of Mike Brown) have had to endure. All of these women are inextricably linked to the movement due to their involuntarily blood sacrifice, but to call these grieving mothers the mothers of the actual movement is to deeply discount the millions of black mothers before them that have lost their children to state sanctioned and/or white vigilante violence. Before these women there was Mammy Till, mother or Emmit Till, Eloise Glover, mother of Clifford Glover, Kaddiatou Diallo, mother of Amadou Diallo, Valarie Bell, mother of Sean Bell and hundreds and even thousands of other mothers in the last decade alone that walked the same precarious walk that these mothers have had to. For these women to sell out their share of the movement for the perks and pittance that only a Super Pack with tons of dark money can afford is unconscionable. And no, I don’t have proof that this group of grieving mothers were paid for their less than logical endorsement but I’m pretty sure that they were.
The true irony in the Stockholm like love that Hillary is getting from the “Mothers of the Movement” and the millions of other less than enlightened black politicos, pundits and voters that have her well on the way to the democratic presidential nomination is that she has successfully latched herself on to a movement created to abate a problem that she and her husband greatly exacerbated while Bill Clinton was president and she was the first lady touting his “tough on crime” legislative goals.
Mike Browns mother Lesley McSppaden encapsulates the kind of incongruity inherent in the logic of these mothers “I’m with her” proclamation with this ringing yet confusing endorsement.
Since August 9, 2014, I have wondered where do we go from here? I have made it this far by my faith, but we need more than faith. Our criminal justice system is broken and damaged, and it left broken hearts and damage in our communities. Fixing this will require time and commitment of someone who wants to make things better for us all. I want a leader who is willing to take the steps to reform a justice system that dehumanized my son. I want a leader who will now honor my son’s life and fights for our children’s futures. I want a justice system that is fundamentally based on fairness for everyone…This election season, we are at battle for the soul of our nation…if we want to continue to build on the progress made by our country, we need a president who is ready to lead–and I trust Hillary” ~ Lesley McSppaden
Ms. McSppaden seems to have a solid grasp on the kind of cultural construct in law enforcement that deems it prudent to dehumanize and over criminalize black people to justify their lethal method of policing but she seems totally oblivious to the not so hidden political forces that empower them. For every 100 police officers that have said “I feared for my life” or “he reached for my gun” to explain away them shooting to death an unarmed African-American there’s at least that many politicians on the local, state and national level pushing the kind of hyper-criminalized trope to create the space for these men to continue to get away with murder. It’s no coincidence that the super predator trope was used by Darren Wilson to escape justice after he murdered her son in cold blood. I mean he did not come out and call Mike Brown a Super Predator but you’d be hard pressed to argue that he was not inferring as much after reading the following quotes of his to the grand jury that ultimatley decided that he was justified in killing McSppaden’s son.
Darren Wilson on the initial confrontation at his car:
DW: I see them walking down the middle of the street. And first thing that struck me was they’re walking in the middle of the street. I had already seen a couple cars trying to pass, but they couldn’t have traffic normal because they were in the middle, so one had to stop to let the car go around and then another car would come. And the next thing I noticed was the size of the individuals because either the first one was really small or the second one was really big...
He then grabs my door again and shuts my door. At that time is when I saw him coming into my vehicle. His head was higher than the top of my car. And I see him ducking and as he is ducking, his hands are up and he is coming in my vehicle.
I had shielded myself in this type of manner and kind of locked away, so I don’t remember seeing him come at me, but I was hit right in the side of the face with a fist. I don’t think it was a full-on swing, I think it was a full-on swing, but not a full shot. I think my arm deflected some of it, but there was still a significant amount of contact that was made to my face.
And when I grabbed him, the only way I can describe it is I felt like a five-year-old holding onto Hulk Hogan.
prosecutor/defense attorney*: Holding onto a what?
DW:Hulk Hogan, that’s just how big he felt and how small I felt just from grasping his arm.
Prosecutor/defense attorney*: And it was your opinion that you needed to pull out your weapon because why did you feel that way, I don’t want to put words in your mouth?
I felt that another one of those punches in my face could knock me out or worse. I mean it was, he’s obviously bigger than I was and stronger and the, I’ve already taken two to the face I didn’t think I would, the third one could be fatal if he hit me right.
He grabs my gun, says, “You are too much of a pussy to shoot me.” The gun goes down into my hip and at that point I thought I was getting shot. I can feel his fingers try to get inside the trigger guard with my finger and I distinctly remember envisioning a bullet going into my leg. I thought that was the next step.
Like I said, I was just so focused on getting the gun out of me. When I did get it up to this point, he is still holding onto it and I pulled the trigger and nothing happens, it just clicked. I pull it again, it just clicked again.
At this point I’m like why isn’t this working, this guy is going to kill me if he gets a hold of this gun. I pulled it a third time, it goes off. When it went off, it shot through my door panel and my window was down and glass flew out of my door panel. I think that kind of startled him and me at the same time.
Darren Wilson on what happened once he exited his vehicle:
DW: The only way I can describe it, it looks like a demon, that’s how angry he looked. He comes back towards me again with his hands up.
When I look up after that, I see him start to run and I see a cloud of dust behind him. I then get out of my car. As I’m getting out of the car I tell dispatch, “shots fired, send me more cars.”
We start running, kind of the same direction that Johnson had pointed. Across the street like a diagonal towards this, kind of like where the parking lot came in for Copper Creek Court and Canfield, right at that intersection. And there is a light pole right there, I remember him running towards the light pole.
So when he stopped, I stopped. And then he starts to turn around, I tell him to get on the ground, get on the ground.
He turns, and when he looked at me, he made like a grunting, like aggravated sound and he starts, he turns and he’s coming back towards me. His first step is coming towards me, he kind of does like a stutter step to start running. When he does that, his left hand goes in a fist and goes to his side, his right one goes under his shirt in his waistband and he starts running at me.
At this point it looked like he was almost bulking up to run through the shots, like it was making him mad that I’m shooting at him.
And the face that he had was looking straight through me, like I wasn’t even there, I wasn’t even anything in his way.
And when he gets about that 8 to 10 feet away, I look down, I remember looking at my sites and firing, all I see is his head and that’s what I shot.
I don’t know how many, I know at least once because I saw the last one go into him. And then when it went into him, the demeanor on his face went blank, the aggression was gone, it was gone, I mean I knew he stopped, the threat was stopped.
Again he did not call Mike Brown a super predator but he sure did describe him as such. He actually got away with telling a jury of HIS peers that Mike Brown who was unarmed and already wounded by at least one round from his .40 caliber pistol grunted at him and charged him head on before having to be put down for good with what was left in his clip. If only Mike Brown’s mother and the mothers of the other well chronicled victims of police abuse were enlightened enough to connect the dots they would know that Hillary is neither a leader or a visionary when in comes to truly understanding and rectifying the problem of our broken criminal justice system.
Hillary did not invent the Super Predator bathos and neither did Bill Clinton. They both however used it in the most insidious and political expedient ways to justify their means to an end. These mothers have every right to endorse who they wish but I don’t think that it’s too much to ask them to leave the movement out of such a dubious decision. They certainly cannot lay claim to the “Mothers of the Movement” moniker while bestowing undue praise on the very same people who helped necessitate the movement in the first place.
The NBA trade deadline came and left last week with little to no hoopla, fanfare, or late breaking news of any kind of three team swap changing the predictable balance of power in either conference. It’s been something of a downer for us fans of the game that like just a little bit of drama to go with our hoops. However, in lieu of Kevin Love not becoming a Celtic, Laker or Clipper; despite Carmelo having a no trade clause in his contract and irrespective of the fact that Dwight Howard & James Harden are married at the hip for at least the remainder of the season there still were some really block busting trades consummated at the 11th hour of last weeks NBA’s trade deadline. The NBA NRA (National Racial Association) quietly announced four huge trades.
The Fine Print
The NBA collective bargaining agreement states that in every trade the two parties being traded must be within 125% of each other salary wise. Since the NRA does not track the salaries of those on the trading block the formula that they use to remain in compliance with the collective bargaining agreement are the professions (or lack there of) of their trade prospects. So for an example if I was the sole arbiter of what was and was not a fair trade I would gladly trade Dr. Ben Carson for the Puppy Monkey Baby. Only problem with that is the fact that Dr. Ben Carson is a world renowned neurosurgeon and the Puppy Monkey baby a prop from a Super Bowl commercial. The Puppy Monkey Baby maybe a bit more cogent and capable of carrying on an adult conversation but it’s hardly enough to compete with a guy that has on his resume the separation of Siamese twins conjoined by the noggin-even if that guy is a certified loon. So it goes without saying that such a trade would not be approved by the Association. So much to the chagrin of the Black delegation Dr. Carson will remain a part of the black community for the foreseeable future. The good news for the black delegation however is they did find trading partners for four other blacks that have long been considered to overstayed their welcome in the community and in need of having their respective black cards revoked. I’m certain that most would agree with the following deals that were most recently agreed upon before the trade deadline.
NRA Trade Number One: Stacy Dash for Gary Owens
You don’t have to be the GM of the Lakers or Celtics or be the next coming of Jerry West for this deal to have been your brain child. This particular trade comes straight out of No Brainerville. Two B-C rated actors that are already comfortable in the others skin (figuratively and literally) and seamlessly able to traverse cultures and code switch their way right up into the family. Stacy Dash went from being a video vixen extraordinaire serving as eye candy to inner city generation X’ers with hip-hop proclivities to Fox News’s resident coonologist and eye candy for angry white ammo-sexual baby boomers. She’s been on the trading block since at least 2012at least 2012. Her decision to resurrect her faint relevance as one of the resident Fox News Coontributors specifically hired to assuage the guilt and placate the fragile feelings of the Networks Salty white Tear dripping viewership. Just did not sit well with the home team. The straw that broke the camels back though was her latest viral diatribe after being invited on the Fox & Freinds to opine on the #oscarssowhite controversy
STEVE DOOCY: What do you think about this?
STACEY DASH: I think it’s ludicrous.
STEVE DOOCY: Why??
STACEY DASH: We have to make up our minds. Either we want to have segregation or integration. And if we don’t want segregation, then we need to get rid of channels like BET and the BET Awards and the Image Awards where you’re only awarded if you’re black. If it were the other way around, we would be up in arms. It’s a double standard.
STEVE DOOCY (HOST): So you say there shouldn’t be a BET channel?
DASH: No, I don’t think so. No. Just like there shouldn’t be a Black History Month. You know? We’re Americans. Period. That’s it.
DOOCY: Are you saying there shouldn’t be a Black History Month because there isn’t a white history month?
DASH: Exactly. Exactly.
She could not be any more clearer about want g out off of Team Blackness with that mindless missive. Not since Latrell Spreewell choked PJ Carlisimo in practice way back in 1997 has a player been so undisguised about wanting to be traded.
For Gary’s part he celebrated being traded to the black community just as you would expect a black person to do. He took to the Gram…
Welcome to the fam G!
NRA Trade Number Two:Jason Whitlock for Dave Zirin
With such a huge dearth in black journalism and the black perspective being bantered in the ether to compete with and combat mainstream media bias and mind manipulation it’s a shame that we have to put one of the more successful and widely read and regarded black sports writers on the market. But when the opinions you posit present more poison to the problematic nature of post Fairness Doctrine specious and pernicious journalism as opposed to being an elixir to such a societal malady then you really have worn out your welcome and need to cease being a Journalist in Black Face. We are better off with you being on another team because a black face postulating white supremacist thoughts and codifying the inexplicable angst of a large swath of AmeriKKKa is actually worse than it is coming from your typical AM side of the dial angry white talk show host. . As a sports writer Jason Whitlock has been largely able to fly under the radar as it pertains to offering an opinion on the germane issues of the day. But on those rare occasions that he’s asked or tasked with taking on issues of equality, intersectionality, and/or oppression nine times out of ten he’s going to offer a convoluted quip that Ted Nugent would be proud to re-tweet.
Dave Zirin on the other hand has long used his pen as a sword for social justice and equality. Not just for black people but all oppressed, neglected and disaffected people around the globe. He’s penned several books that delve deep into the heart of the pertinent issues of the day from a high minded and holistic perspective. The John Carlos Story and Game Over are just two of the many books that he’s authored that I recommend as a great reads…
More recently these two contemporary sports writers had the prime opportunity to opine on the same issue tackling intersectionality in a sports related kind of way and their opinions could not have been any more divergent. By now everyone is aware of Beyonce’s Super Bowl Performance where homage was paid to The Black Panther Party, victims of police brutality and mis-conduct as well as the LGBT community. The overall message was one that was about love and they went to great lengths to say as much.
…that obviously was not universally interpreted and understood and our latest trading partners could not have crystallized any better how differently the message in the music of the Super Bowl Half-Time show has been conveyed.
Jason Whitlock on Beyonce’s performance:
Beyonce, why are you bringing this rebellion to a sporting event? This is an event that all of America comes together, 100 million people around America and throw Super Bowl parties, we come together across economic and racial lines and it’s all just one good time and the players … represent all these great things in America. … Probably not appropriate for the Super Bowl. It’s just not that type of event.
If you want to send a message, if you want to pander to social media and Twitter, if you want to extend your brand by involving yourself in controversy, [then] what Beyonce did was absolutely brilliant. You listen to the song’s lyrics, there’s no real rebellion in it. None.
“So I can see how the NFL got fooled by this. They listened to the song, and there’s nothing to it. There’s no tribute to the Black Panther party or any real shots at Hurricane Katrina or anything like that in the actual lyrics of the song. You have to watch the video to get the rebellion. She didn’t release the video until the day before the Super Bowl. So I could see how the NFL got caught off-guard.
When you tie the whole thing together, Beyonce snuck in some subversiveness that has put her in the center of controversy and has enhance her and Jay-Z’s brand. They had been getting beaten up in social media by the Black Lives Matter movement, that ‘You don’t support us,’ ‘You’re not down with this movement,’ blah blah blah . . . Beyonce pulls off this publicity stunt and now she’s all good with the social-media crowd and the people involved with Black Lives Matters.
“It’s all just a game and a fun marketing tool for Beyonce. They’ll make more money out of this and enhance their brand. But they’ve also set off some divisiveness in America, and that’s what’s disappointing to me.” ~ Jason Whitlock
A whole hell of a lot of people on Fox News and in the right-wing sewers of the Internet have lost their damn minds. I am not going to link to the statements, ranging from the historically ignorant to the unabashedly racist, because that’s their game. But I will say that if you are comparing the Black Panthers to the KKK, like one police sergeant did on Facebook, you are only proving that the extent of your historical knowledge is what some asshole said on Twitter. It’s like “comparing Adolf Hitler to Richard Pryor because they both had mustaches.”
Yet despite the right-wing noise, Beyoncé’s performance has created space for a real conversation about the Black Panthers, beyond the caricature. It is a chance to get people to see the recent Stanley Nelson PBS documentaryVanguard of the Revolution or read The Black Panthers Speak or Seize The Time or any number of books. Just to give one example, the most illustrative, politically textured Panther memoir in my humble opinion is My People Are Rising by Seattle Black Panther Party founder Aaron Dixon. When Dixon’s book was released in 2012, I pushed people to read it on social media and among friends and was met with a tepid response. After Beyoncé’s performance, I went back and recommended it again. The reaction was off the chain.
Being in the Bay Area this week has also opened my eyes to another part of what made Beyoncé’s halftime performance matter. There are people here who have dedicated their lives to fighting police brutality—most recently in the form of the killing of Mario Woods—and for the rights of the homeless to not be treated like collateral damage of gentrification. They wanted the Super Bowl to be an opportunity to spotlight these issues for the country. Instead, they were met with a smothering police presence, indifferent media, and an NFL occupation that made swaths of their city resemble the Green Zone in Iraq. ~ Dave Zirin
It’s pretty clear from reading the thoughts of these two sports journalist that hearing more of the latter and less (a whole lot less) of the former would be sort of a good thing.
NRA Trade Number Three:Darnell Earley for Tim Wise
Most people don’t know who Darnell Earley is but I’m certain that they know his work. Darnell Earley is the Emergency City Manager that was put in place by Governor Rick Snyder to run the city of Flint. There’s really not much else to say about this son of a bitch ass coon. He played a major part in poisoning the drinking water of an entire city full of lower middle class, poor black, brown and white people. He was then promoted to head the Detroit Public Schools to put the final nails on that coffin before his previous dastardly deeds came back to haunt him and he was forced to resign due to the mess that he co-created in Flint. He was essentially a black face hired to push a white supremacist agenda and he did a stellar job at it.
Tim Wise on the other hand has been one of the more formidable and unabashed white voices against racism and prejudice in American society for the last 10 years. He’s nothing short of an ally in the fight against white supremacy so this one again was pretty much a no brainer.
NRA Trade number four:The Congressional Black Caucus for the Congressional Progressive Caucus
The CBC’s recent endorsement of Hillary for the democratic nomination over the much more progressive (and trustworthy) Bernie Sanders was rather disappointing. It however was not enough of a reason to put the CBC who has long been known as the conscience of the Congress on the trading block . The unconscionable and inexplicable reasons that the leadership gave for their endorsement is actually why they have been offered up for the kinder, gentler and much more socially aware Congressional Progressive Caucus. It’s hard to begrudge Congressmen John Lewis and Congressman James Clyburn for endorsing a person who has helped their PERSONAL ambitions in maintaining their congressional seats by allowing some of the unmitigated and untraceable big money that flows through their coffers to trickle into their own respective campaign war chests. However when they conflate someone being able to help them personally with actually doing the same for the black community, the masses the have supported them for the last 40 years have every right to take umbrage with their reckless word choice on their already questionable endorsement.
Now don’t get me wrong. Someone simply doing what was right in 1963 or whatever year it was that Bernie Sanders marched for equality or was arrested at a sit in does not automatically earn the black vote in 2016. However dismissing his involvement in the Civil Rights movement because you are supporting someone was on the opposite end of the historical and ongoing fight for justice is rather dubious.Take for instance John Lewis’s response to a reporter asking him about Bernie Sanders well documented dalliance with the Civil Rights movement during his college years:
Well, to be very frank, I’m going to cut you off, but I never saw him, I never met him. I’m a chairman of the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee for three years, from 1963 to 1966. I was involved in the sit-ins, the freedom rides, the March on Washington, the march from Selma to Montgomery, and directed their voter education project for six years. But I met Hillary Clinton. I met President Clinton.”~ Congressman John Lewis
Lets parse that statement real quick. He is implying one of two things both of which are nonsensical.
A: he’s either implying that he knew Hillary and Bill from being supporters of Civil Rights some 50 years ago.
He’s implying that he’s never in his life met Bernie Sanders. Both statements are patently false. His statement was a conflation of facts. When you have to resort to that kind of double speak to justify endorsing a person then you deserve all the back lash that comes your way (as it did) to force you to eat your errant word play (which he did). Quite naturally he took a lot of criticism from corners of the political and social movement world that are in most cases reticent when it comes to critiquing elders from the civil rights time period. Predictably he was compelled to walk back his aggressive response to the innocuous query:
I was responding to a reporter’s question who asked me to assess Sen. Sanders’ civil rights record. I said that when I was leading and was at the center of pivotal actions within the Civil Rights Movement, I did not meet Sen. Bernie Sanders at any time. The fact that I did not meet him in the movement does not mean I doubted that Sen. Sanders participated in the Civil Rights Movement, neither was I attempting to disparage his activism. Thousands sacrificed in the 1960s whose names we will never know, and I have always given honor to their contribution…If you take a look at a transcript of my statement, you will find I did not say that I met Hillary and Bill Clinton when I was chairman of SNCC in the 1960s. My point was that when I was doing the work of civil rights, led the Voter Education Project and organized voter registration in the South in the 1970s, I did cross paths with Hillary and Bill Clinton in the field. They were working in politics, and Bill Clinton became attorney general of Arkansas in the 1970s as well. That began a relationship with them that has lasted until today~ John Lewis (mea culpa)
The double speak did not end there. Both he and congressman Clyburn both denounced the idea of free college. They said that such a thing sends the wrong message. Here are two men particularly in the case of John Lewis that purport to carry the torch of Dr. Martin Luther King and his fight for economic equality sounding like Paul Ryan when it comes to evening the playing field in a most fundamental way. It was only 8 years ago that Clyburn was denouncing the race baiting of Bill and Hillary in their nomination fight against Obama. Now he can’t stop extolling her virtues. Collegiality over conviction is what that amounts to. It’s certainly not egregious enough of an offense for an individual trade so both John Lewis, James Clyburn and every other member of the CBC (not named Mia Love or Tim Scott) are all on Team Blackness for life but as an organization in congress boasting the teams color and logo it’s time that we trade them in for a more forward leaning body in the House and Senate. Even before the CBC bet their black card on Hillary Clinton they have been slowly but surely losing their way and subsequently the right to be called the Conscience of the Congress. Just to illustrate a few of their more incorrigible misdeeds as a caucus the following list serves as exhibit A.
In 2014 Rep Alan Grayson (of the Congressional Progressive Caucus) introduced a Bill to put an end to the Pentagon siphoning their military grade weapons and equipment off to America’s already overzealous police forces. The measure failed and only 7 of 41 members of the CBC voted to for it.
They have in increasing numbers started to capitulate to the Wall Streets demands on regulating their blood sucking hood predators like Pay Day Loan and Rent-to-Own companies
In 2008 the CBC Foundation which had raised over $55 million dollars from 2004-2008 spent more on a lavish banquet for ($700,000) than they did in scholarships that they awarded.
Again. As individuals the CBC members have little to worry about as far as being traded but as a collective the Black Delegation can do much better so…
2015 was another coontastic year full of black folks doing their latest and greatest “Shuck & Jive” routine to remain in the good graces of mainstream conservative white America. I could go on and on for days about the kind of self loathing self centered and selfish motivations that go into making certain black men and women suspend all manners of pride and common logic while spewing the most embarrassing rhetoric for the sole purpose of ingratiating themselves with the kind of dying breed of thought propagated on Fox news, but I don’t have all day and since we have already said farewell to 2015 I’m going to cut to the chase and share my top 10 Coons of the last 365 day cycle…
#10 Raven Symone
~ Now Raven is probably one of the more innocuous additions to this list because unlike the coons that will follow her she has not outwardly advocated for or co-signed the murder of black people, stumped for Trump or any of the more outlandish things that her brothers and sisters in coondumb are guilty of.
With that being said Raven is a black woman that has a national media platform and while The View to most serious people may be superficial day time programming in nature, Ravens words, thoughts and opinions reverberate and have wide spread resonance. With such a dearth in black voices in media she has a responsibility (whether she accepts this or not) to represent the overall interest of African-Americans as they portend to social uplift and all manners of equality. While Raven is far from the most egregious on air offender of black sensibilities I would be remiss not to coon-crown her for openly embracing discriminating against people with ethnic or as she puts it “ghetto sounding” names.
She received enough backlash for her banal brain musing that she did the unthinkable–at least for a coon. She actually apologized to black people and retracted her statement. And while there are other examples this year of her cooning we will not belabor the point because again, unlike the coons on the list that will follow her there is some hope. Let’s pray that she understands the error of her ways and does not make next year’s list.
#9 Jonathan Gentry
~ Now most don’t know this “Soul Glo” Negro. Hell, I barley know who he is. I just happened to pass one of his coonified productions on Facebook and could not help but to opine on the kind of chicanery chicoonery that he had on display. Of course the mostly all white people on his page that pats him on his greasy ass head for his Uncle Tom soliloquies rushed to defend their lawn jockey. My retort to his rabidly racist followers ended up getting me a 30 day ban from Facebook…
…so needless to say my number 9 selection was more personal in nature. Though the Coon-job that he’s pulling off is still worthy of mention.
#8 Rod Wheeler
~ Rod Wheeler is another lesser known coon (unless you are a Fox Newsbot) who deserves some recognition for his incessant coonery and failing of black people in media. The following clip speaks for itself. As a black man and former police officer he has totally abdicated his responsibilities to the community by co-signing the deaths of the innocent victims of racist policing in America. His answer to how to stop police killings of unarmed black people is to get out of their way and let them do their jobs. Oh and that there needs to be a change at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. He really said that…
#7 Kevin Jackson
~ Kevin Jackson is one of the better known hired guns (against black progress) of Fox News. He makes a living being the attack dog for white supremacy on air. No matter how egregious the offense to black people are he will always side with whatever Sean Hannity’s opinion is. He is to Sean Hannity what Justice Clarence Thomas is to Justice Antoion Scalaia–a lap dog.
His answer about what ails black America will always default to liberal policies, the Democratic party and Al Sharpton & Jesse Jackson. No matter what the specific topic at hand is. I think we all know a coon or two like this guy.
#6 Diamond & Silk
~ Now these two coonettes were plucked from under the same rock of obscurity that the rest of Donald Trumps dangerously uneducated following crawled from under. The two of these women together can be described as nothing short of a minstrel act. The kind of cooning that they have on display would normally grant them a higher ranking but as I said earlier–2015 was quite the coontastic year and these birds have little to no influence on even the most guile among us so all this performance really amounts to is a modern day Amos and Andy skit.
Two extra mediocre ghetto birds with lace front weaves endorsing Donald Trump and his Mein Kampf style of politics amounts to being just a misdomeaner in comparison to the Trump endorsements coondorsements to follow…
#5 The Black Preachers that endorsed Trump
…because after all not even the average ghetto bird will follow these ghetto birds to the polls to vote for him. The Diamond and Silk coon combo at the end of the day will garner minimal (if any) black voters for Trump. Their purpose more than anything is to assuage white racist guilt and to allow Trump to keep on saying “The Blacks love me”. These black preachers stumping for Trump is a much more nefarious act of treason to the community because these men are literally paid to lead flocks of black people and they are knowingly leading their flock to vote for a man that overtly disdains them and is literally promising to increase their misery index. No matter what these men and women have done in their respective ministries in the past to uplift the community (if they’ve done that at all) they will now and forevermore be remembered for selling out the black and progressive cause for Donald Trumps chump change. They have reached the point of no return and are coons for life–the same holds true for their respective congregants. So yes, if you still sit in any of these house niggers pew on Sunday, you too are a coon for life.
Then there was this…
Omorosa was the actual ring leader of the Black Preachers for Trump Coon Brigade. She’s higher on the list and singled out because in addition to being an ordained minister she’s a very accomplished woman and has enough merit and stripes that such cooning on her part for Donald Trump is wholly unnecessary. Her literally whoring for one of the most overtly racist men to run for president since Barry Goldwater should forever relegate her to being nothing more than a coon, bed wench, mammy (insert Uncle Tom pejorative of choice).
#3 Ben Carson
~Mr. Gifted Hands has anything but a gifted mind. His meteoric yet ephemeral rise to the top of the GOP presidential polls mirrors that of Herman Cains rise (and fall) four years ago. By now it’s pretty obvious that both men are the ultimate tokens of the Grand Ole Party’s fledgling nomination process whereby they serve as the ultimate cover for the most ignorant and bigoted voters (and pollsters that corral them) in the nation and allow them to opine in the most mind numbing racist ways only to claim that they are not racist because they are voting for a buffoon named Ben. Even the dolts that claim to be supporting this useful idiot know that come Super Tuesday his name will be no where near a ballot.
Ben Carson is the Rain Man of brain surgery–politics not so much. In the school of medicine the dude is genius extraordinaire. In the school of politics, common sense and all things unrelated to cutting open the medulla oblongata, he’s arrested in his development and suffering from an undiagnosed case of Asperger’s (no offense to anyone with a child on the autism spectrum). He’s more socially awkward, inept and out of place on the national political stage than a 3rd grader at the opera. The good news is that by this time next election cycle he will be the same faint and distant memory (and footnote in history) that Herman Cain is today because his useful idiocy will have long expired. Enjoy Corky while you can.
#2 Sheriff David Clarke
Sheriff David the Coon Clarke has never met a police shooting of an unarmed black person that he did not agree with or co-sign as great police work. His rise to notoriety (mostly via Fox and CNN) coincides with and is in direct correlation to the level of outrage generated by the myriad murders by police caught on tape. He’s paraded around the networks to basically explain away racist police policies and abuse of authority. This makes him one of the most dangerous men (for blacks) on television.
And oh yeah, his answer to what ails the black community is single black women.
#1 Reverend Jesse Lee Peterson
Allow me to drop this verbatim right here (Rev. Jesse Lee Patterson on the Black Lives Matter Movement)
“It’s a hate group, they’re no different than the skinheads or the KKK. They are people who have never been taught to love. From the beginning of their lives they were taught to hate, blame and become victims. They’re just spending a lifetime blaming white Americans, blaming slavery for their lack of good parents in the homes and their lack of love… If Black Lives Matter was a white radical group, doing exactly what these black people are doing, they would be shut down. America would not allow that to happen…white Americans feel helpless and they have fear and they allow black lives matter, and other groups, to destroy our country…I’ve done a lot of work in the prisons and jails, and juvenile detention centers over the years. They have taught, and are teaching black youth, both male and female now, that Christianity is the white man’s religion and that Islam is the black man’s religion…At one point, I was a liberal Democrat, and I had the same anger as Black Lives Matter have because my father wasn’t there for me. Instead of people helping me to forgive him, they told me it was white racism, so I had to same hatred for white people…But I went to God and asked him to show me what was wrong, he allowed me to see it was that anger that starts in the home.
Uncle Ruckus could not have said that any better (from the purview of a coon of course). And if that is not enough to justify his top billing as Coon of the year the following clip should cement his standing
When Sean Hannity has to tell you to dial back the coonery–you have officially earned the title Coon of the Year.