The Carnival Coon Cruise: Top 100 Coons of 2016 Part One of Two (100-50)

2016 has been quite a coontastic year. i’m talking vintage.  So much so that we had to trade in the coon train  for a vessel much larger to accommodate all of them.  Cooning has become an epidemic in America and it is important that we in the non-cooning negro community collectively rebuke such behavior whenever it occurs. As with anything else there are levels to coonery. These first set of 50 coons are what we call somewhat redeemable coons. Particularly the first 20-30. The closer to the number one spot they get the less redeemable they get.
So with out further ado here are your top 100 coons for 2016 (the first 50)
 Coontestants# 100-91: Mainstream black media members Donna Brazille, Al Sharpton, Karen Finney, Toure, Jonathan Capehart, Eugene Robinson, Harold Ford,  Joy Reid, Don Lemon and Juan Williams
The black members of the mainstream media serve a very purposeful role and that is to correct the myriad false narratives bantered about in the ether and more importantly to  better inform black people so that as a community we’d be able to make the best decisions possible–particularly at the ballot box. All of these members of the mainstream press checked their journalistic integrity and intellectual honesty at the door and for the most part became defacto campaign surrogates for Hillary Clinton. They did not challenge any of the false narratives, half truths or out right myths surrounding her coronation  to the Democratic nomination  which in turn fed her false sense of invincibility in the general election. These ten members of the mainstream media as much as anyone else in media are responsible for the incoming idiot in chief. In 2017 lets not rely on these characters to bring us the news we need. In the very least look at each of them with a more cautious eye while holding them to higher standards as I believe they all could do better.
Coontestants#92-83:  The  Seahawks response to Colin Kapernicks national anthem protest
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Built as the perfect response to the all the illogical acrimony directed at Colin Kapernick for taking a stand these dudes came out with the ultimate all lives matter gesture. We’re not going to ding the entire 55 man roster but I’m certain at least 10 brothers on that squad co-signed this bullshit.
Coontestant #82: Fantasia
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Fantasia’s went all All Lives Matter on us. Even after Anthony Hamilton and the other entertainers on this list rejected the naming and intentions of this flier for the canceled project she and her husband doubled down on why the failed venture was not a failed idea.
Coontestant#81 Mary J Blige
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Mary sang the blues to Madam Secretary.  The only thing more cooney than her singing Negro spirituals  to Hillary would be if she broke out into her famous crispy chicken jingle.
Coontestant#80: Laila Ali
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Laila too went all lives matter on us and was unabashed about it. I suspect that there was heavy wind when that apple fell off the tree.

“Yes, black lives matter. Yes, white lives matter, asian lives matter. All lives matter…And that’s kind of what my focus is. But it’s hard because, you know, you’ve got sponsors and you’ve got this and you’ve got that. And you don’t want to step on anybody’s toes. And you’re trying to be politically correct, but at the same time trying to uplift your people.~ Laila Ali

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Coontestants#79-73 “The Mothers of the Movement”

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I know I’m wrong for calling these women out because they have suffered immeasurable pain and paid the ultimate sacrifice. I’m just going to have to be wrong because their chitterling circuit tour for Hillary during primary voting throughout the south was blatant and obvious cooning. The irony of Miss “Bring those super predators to heel” herself co-opting the BLM movement for the sole purpose of winning an election is too egregious an offense not to make mention of. I don’t have the receipts but I’m willing to bet my last dollar that these women were paid for their endorsement and subsequent hyperbolic statements touting how much of a friend and ally to the black community that Hillary and Bill have been.  Take solace in the fact that these women remain in the redeemable category.
Coontestant#72 Sage Steele
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As if this shirt was not enough to land her at least honorable mention in a non vintage coon year. She’s laid her black card on the line quite a few times to justify her ticket for the Carnival Coon Cruise. Instead of elaborating on her many offenses to black sensibility I will let her pretty little mixed twitter fingers make the case instead. 
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This particular brain fart of hers was in response to Mike Evans taking a knee during the National Anthem due to his displeasure with America electing the first Man Baby to the Oval office.
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Thankfully Black Twitter was on the job and they let her know real quick that she was barking up the wrong tree.
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She needed more than 140 characters to explain away her social media faux pas so she took to Facebook to pen a response but…
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…Black Twitter was not trying to hear it
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…Black Twitter was still not having it. 
Coontestant#71 Jerry Rice
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Even though he walked back the wayward tweet it’s pretty clear that he has some strong coon proclivities. If this was 2014 or 2015 the following tweet would have placed this old washed up D list celebrity in the top 10
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Of course Black Twitter had something to say
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He was forced to walk that comment back almost as far as his hairline. 

Coontestant# 70 Victor Cruz

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As Giant fan it pains me that this dude does not get it. I’m comforted to know that he will be a salary cap casualty in the off season.

Coontestant# 69 Dennis Rodman

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Dennis makes the list for being a Trumpet…
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😦

And to that the Donald sent thanks

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…and for being so damn forgiving and forgetful. It was only 2 years ago that the Twitter Troll Elect called him a drunken fool. 

Coontestant# 68 Fat Joe

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Joey Crack obviously forgot about his humble beginnings. Having more love for an inanimate object than you have for the plight of the community is so not hip-hop.

Coontestant# 67 Tiki Barber

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“I agree with his desire to continue the narrative…There are issues in this country. That, you have to commend him for. But I don’t commend him for sitting and not honoring this country and our flag.” ~ Tiki Barber

Coontestant# 66 Michael Crabtreeinthebucket

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Upon being asked about the ongoing National Anthem protests started by Colin Kapernick and this was Crabtree’s response :

“I just play football, I ain’t no Martin Luther King.”~ Michael Crabtree

Coontestestant #65 Rodney Harrison
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Rodney Harrison gave perhaps the most cringe worthy response to Colin Kapeernicks National Anthem protest

 

“Obviously he has the right to stand up for what he believes, but he has to understand there are consequences and might be backlash for what he said. You know a lot of people are criticizing him — I think his heart is in the right place, I just think he was going about it in the wrong way, If he really wants to make change, sitting his butt down [during the anthem], that’s not going to change, that’s going to get people very upset and he has to understand that. If you think sitting during the national anthem, a lot of people really served before his time, now, trying to give him the freedoms and the liberties that he has … and I tell you this, I’m a black man. And Colin Kaepernick — he’s not black. He can not understand what I face and what other young black men and black people face, or people of color face, on a every single [day] basis. When you walk in a grocery store, and you might have $2,000 or $3,000 in your pocket and you go up in to a Foot Locker and they’re looking at you like you about to steal something. I don’t think he faces those types of things.” ~ Rodney Harrison

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Of course Black Twitter was fast and furious with a response

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Even coontestant #72 Sage Steele took umbrage with the level of coonery that he had on display. You know you ran afoul of the black sensibilities when a fellow coonite calls you out for cooning. #coononcooncrimeforthewin
Coontestant# 64 Charlemagne
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“Would be dope if a young black or Hispanic ‘WOKE’ woman used social media to create a Platform to be a voice like Tomi Lahren did.” ~ Charlamagne The God Gump
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As one would expect such an errant tweet directly into the belly of the beast created a firestorm of clap backs aimed straight for the jugular.
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As evidenced by how resonate the #blacklivesmatter hash tag has been since its inception black women have an extremely powerful presence on twitter and throughout the social media stratosphere. Perhaps if Charalamagne and his Breakfast Club Cohorts  coonhorts would extend invitations to more of these black female movers and shakers their intellectual properties could as well permeate the mainstream media and be monetized as is the case for his bff Tomi Lauren who herself is a halfwit. 

Coontestant# 63 DJ Envy

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As if Charlemagne’s fixation with the bigoted blonde bimbo was not bad enough, his partner in coon went even harder against the grain of black struggle in AmeriKKKa. After Donald Trump in the national debate the night before extolled the virtues and worth of the racist ‘Stop & Frisk’ policies practiced by NYPD DJ Envy co-signed him and its use.

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Did I mention that I love Black Twitter?
Coontestant#62 Stephen A Smith
stephen-a-smithStephen A Smith who cracked the top ten in years past was not even supposed to make the list this year because for the most part in 2016 he practiced reasonably responsible journalism. That was until he lost his mind over the fact that Colin Kapernick did not vote. Here’s a dude (Colin Kapernick) that donated over 1 million dollars in 2016 to causes that help uplift the poor black and brown and this coon is brow beating him because he did not vote for either of the two candidates that have more than proven to not have the best interest of the community in heart mind and agenda.
in his own words:

“As far as I’m concerned Colin Kaepernick is absolutely irrelevant, I don’t want to hear a damn word about anything that he has to say about our nation, the issues that we have, racial injustices, needing change, et cetera, et cetera…He comes across as a flaming hypocrite as far as I’m concerned. I’m not interested in a damn word that he has to say and quite frankly I hope he goes away, He’s lucky to be in the league right now…And Colin Kaepernick after all this noise that you’ve made, even though you didn’t intend to do so by offending our military service men and women. And pointing out about how you wanted to bring attention to racial injustices and beyond that’s in this country. To turn around and not to even take your behind to the polls to vote for a particular candidate–it is shameful. Absolutely shameful, Him of all people, because of the position he took, because of the attention he brought to the issues, the fact that he doesn’t have the decency to go to the polls and activate yourself in this election (as our president said) is a damn shame…I don’t want to hear another word from Colin Kaepernick. It’s a waste of time. [As] a matter of fact, I would personally make a request to the media in this nation: Wherever he is, if he ain’t on that football field trying to throw another damn incomplete pass, do me a favor and make sure of one thing, take the camera away from him. It means nothing. Because for him not to vote, as far as I’m concerned, everything he said meant absolutely nothing. Absolutely nothing. I don’t want to hear another damn word from him. Nothing.”  ~Stephen A Smith                                                                                                                                                                           .

Coontestant#61 Venus Williams
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After her sister Serena took to Facebok and penned a heartfelt missive about her concerns about the ongoing injustices  dealt to black people at the hands of police and municipal governments Venus was asked her thoughts. And lets just say her opine was not Black Twitter approved..
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Coontestants 60-58 Elijah Cummings, James Clyburn and John Lewis
These three “distinguished gentlemen” underscore the fecklessness and ineffectual direction that the Congressional Black Caucus has long been going in. Once billed as the conscience of the congress the CBC just like these three bozos are bought and paid entities of America’s corporate overlords. No longer are they in congress to serve the people. They are there to enrich themselves and hold on to their seats. It’s high time they all be replaced by some new blood.

 

Coontestant#57 Lil Bow Wow

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Read from the bottom up to get the full gist of his coonery
Coontestant#56 Dorsey Montgomery
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This natural born coon was unfortunately the only hope that black people and people of good conscious had to get any semblance of justice in the State of SC vs Michael Slager. Needless to say he was a failure. As the jury foreman his job was to corral the jury members and lean on the letter of the laws of the state to find justice. It has become crystal clear that he had neither the wherewithal nor intention of doing such a thing . The talk show circuit tour that he went on post trial was as confusing as it was bemusing.
Coontestant# 55 Young Thug
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After this roach impersonator arrived after the 45 minute cut off to board his flight he offered the two black female ticket agents 15k to accept being terminated as they broke protocol and allowed him on his flight. They rightly refused and he went on a tirade berating the young women calling them Africans, peasants and more. He did all of this while filming it for Instagram. 
Coontestant# 54 Kevin Gates
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On the heels of all the protests surrounding the murders of Alton Sterling and  Philando Castile, this is what Kevin Gates had to say:
“We kill each other. I’m talking about we lay up under each other’s cars, lay behind each other’s houses then whip by, boom boom, kill everybody in the car…but as soon as a white boy kills one of us, everybody go to hoopin’ and hollerin’ and all that old stupid-ass shit …That’s bullshit. When you stand for something, you’ve got t[o] stand for it all the way, not half way.” ~ Kevin Gates
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That was all of course before he was sentenced to six months for a brutal stage kick to the face and chest of one of his young and misguided female fans. Who just so happened to have been black.

Coontestant# 53 Trick Daddy

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Trick daddy set the internet ablaze with a viral video rant about how black women were losing their footing and needed to tighten their shit up less they be passed over for white and Latina women. And boy oh boy the clap back came fast and furious.

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Coontestant#52 Tommy Sotomeyer

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Tommy has been cooning for clicks for quite sometime  and has made honorable mention more than a couple of years. He’s a black man that has built his brand on berating black women on Youtube and other social media spaces.

Back in July he got into a fender bender with a black woman and after the sister questioned why he was recording her he says this:

“That’s the problem with Black women right there, they talk, “This is why nobody likes these Black whores. Look at her. Black whores. Black whores. Get out my face, though, bitch. I’ll whip yo muthafuckin ass…I don’t like Black bitches, anyway. Bye, broke bitch. My car cost more than your house, bitch. My car cost more than your house, bitch. You don’t know who you talking to. Watch when you find yourself online.”~ Tommy Sotomoyer

The video went viral as he intended but the blow back for his cooning for clicks shenanigans was too much for him to handle hence he used his platform for the first time to speak highly of black women where he pulled the “I never had a father” card. Of course we all know that the apology was bullshit but that is a testament to how much of a bully pulpit the Twitter verse can be when properly leveraged. Another win for Black Twitter but I will say this. It really is time to start giving eye jammies to these brothers out here that think it prudent to be so overtly disrespectful to black women as he and a number of the coons that made this list have been.

 

Coontestant# 51 Rza

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The Rza who we now know is anything but a genius had this to say regarding the on going problem of police killing unarmed black people:
 “If I’m a cop and every time I see a young black youth, whether I watch them on TV, movies, or just see them hanging out, and they’re not looking properly dressed, properly refined, you know, carrying himself, conducting himself proper hours of the day — things that a man does, you’re going to have a certain fear and stereotype of them…I tell my sons, I say, ‘if you’re going somewhere, you don’t have to wear a hoodie — we live in New York, so a hoodie and all that is all good. But sometimes, you know, button up your shirt. Clean up. Look like a young man. You’re not a little kid.” ~Rza
What makes his statement so eggregious is the fact that as one of the founding members of the Wu Tang Clan and the so-called genius of the group he made his living off of urban wears and urban vernacuilar. Now that he’s hanging out with Russell Crow and the Hollywood Click he wants to go all rescpctable Negroe on us.
Coontestant#50 Wendy Williams
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Jesse Williams after winning the Humanitarian Award from BET gave a moving and memorable speech about social justice amd social activism. His speech and sentiments trended for miles. Wendy Williams who has absolutely zero depth of thought and even less consciousness had these jewels to share regarding Jesse Williams and his speech trending:

“His speech was very poignant, on one hand. On the other hand, you know, I would be really offended if there was a school that was known as a historically White college. We have historically Black colleges. What if it was the National Organization for White People only? There’s the NAACP.”~ Wendy Williams

 After a noticeably silent gasp of her normally gregarious audience she goes:
“Look everybody’s quiet. You’re leaving me out here to dry by myself?”
 Now a normal dummy, even with coon tendencies would take that silent queue as a hint that they should probably quit while they are ahead and switch up the conversation. But not Wendy Williams. She’s a special kind of stupid. She goes on to say:
“National speeches like this always rub people the wrong way. Just like White people will be offended because Spelman College is a historically Black college for women. You might feel funny about that. I know I’d feel funny like I just told you. If there was a White college or whatever.”

Twitter eat her ass up so bad that that Chevrolet who previously helped underwrite her show dropped her.

 

5 Reasons why we should bury the term GOAT along with the GOAT (Muhammad Ali)

As we say  goodbye to the greatest for good we should also say goodbye for good to the term GOAT (save for conversations about Ali). Muhammad Ali embodied the term and it’s less than respectful to his legacy to bestow such a hollowed moniker on any other athlete or entertainer–especially those who have done little outside of their master craft to measure up to what the champ did outside of his day job. So in honor of the GOAT’s passing here are five (of many) reasons why no one should ever be refereed to as the greatest of all time ever again…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1. He created the term

I shook up the world

On February 25, 1964 after the artist formally known as Cassius Clay stopped the heavily favored Sonny Liston in seven rounds he took to ring center and proclaimed that he was the greatest and that he shook up the world. Little did anyone know that this young brash 22 year old was not just smack talking and would go on to embody both the term “I Am the greatest” and the act of shaking up a world in need of shaking. Ali through the years had trials and tribulations that put to test his greatness and at every turn he would remind friend and foe alike that he was indeed the greatest of all time. You will be hard pressed to find an utterance of that  verbatim prior to Ali saying so. Therefore he’s the standard bearer of what the GOAT should look, sound and act like.

2. His convictions were not compromised by public opinion, monetary gain or even peer pressure from his contemporaries

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Muhammad Ali’s refusal to be drafted into the Army during the Vietnam war and the revocation of his title for it is well chronicled. One of the more poignant photos from that period of his life is the one where he is surrounded by some of his contemporary greats including Bill Russell, Jim Brown and Lew Alcinder. The misconception is that they were there to support Ali and his defiant stance against the war. The truth is they were actually there to do the opposite. The private meeting was to convince him to enlist and to assure him that he would not be going to war but instead would serve as an ambassador to it and a morale booster to the troops in much the same way that Joe Louis was used during World War II.  Ali who was far less educated than all of the men in attendance  (in a formal sense) had a rebuttal for each and every point they brought up. He went on an almost two hour filibuster going into great detail why he would not be supporting the Vietnam war or enlisting.  He won over the well meaning yet naive greats and forced them to reexamine their tacit support of the war. So much so that Lew Alcindor followed the path of Cassius Clay and retired his slave name a couple years later.

3. Ali Spoke truth to power instead of seceding to the powers that be.

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There has never been an athlete before or since Muhammad Ali that has had the courage to speak truth to power. He did not shrink, bow or take a back seat to white supremacy. He confronted the white supremacist construct with as much confidence and zeal as he confronted his opponents in the ring. His defiant stance in media gave a nation (within a larger more hostile nation) of millions courage and pride. It inspired protest and affirmed the fact that we as a people are great. He was not worried about endorsement dollars. In fact he knew that it would be more lucrative for him to go along to get along just as pretty much every athlete today does but he remained steadfast and fearless.

4. He was not trans-racial and did not transcend race. He was unapologetically Black.

 

Jackie Robinson, Joe Louis,  and Jesse Owens were phenomenal athletes that paved the way for Muhammad and others to thrive in the sports arena. By extension they paved the way for black people to more equitably integrate in to all levels of sports, entertainment, business and academia because they humanized blacks in the minds of millions of white Americans that saw (and treated us) as less than. Jackie, Joe, and Jesse were not a black mans black man though. At least not publicly. They were the white mans black men and while I completely understand the precarious line that they had to walk they lacked the intestinal fortitude of Muhammad Ali who made the conscious decision to be the black mans black man. Before him on the national sports scene there was none and sadly no such an athlete has come after him. Muhammad Ali’s embrace of his blackness was so real and so authentic that white people loved and respected him for it (the ones that did not hate him for it).

Michael Jordan  is widely considered the GOAT in basketballcentric conversations. However he was as bad off the court about being a strong black man that took strong black stances as he was good at dominating the league over the span of his playing career. Michael Jordan was arguably a greater basketball player on the court than Ali was a boxer in the ring but his sheer cowardice as it pertained being a black mans black man exempts him from legitimately  holding the GOAT title. Micheal Jordan was famously asked in 1990 to endorse a black man running for the US Senate by the name of Harvey Gantt. Gantt at the time was trying to unseat one of the most rabidly racist and regressive US Senators since reconstruction by the name of Jesse Helms (NC). Michael Jordan’s response to the endorsement request was “Republicans buy sneakers too”.  MJ was the closest athlete to reaching the world wide recognition as Ali. Black America could have really used from MJ in the 80’s and 90’s the kind of unapologetic blackness that Ali gave to black America during his prime. He chose to do the opposite therefore he’s much closer to being a goat than the GOAT.

 

5. He is the father of rap music and by extension the hip-hop culture

 

DJ Kool Herc is the father of hip-hop. Muhammad  Ali however is the father of rap. The only thing missing from the punch lines, similes and analogies inherent in his prophetic and poetic proclamations were bars and hooks.  The precocious and braggadocios rhymes  that Ali spit was primordial hip-hop. In fact it was hip-hop (LL Cool Jay) that actually coined the acronym GOAT. And while LL is not the GOAT he is Ali. Jay Z is Ali, Ice Cube is Ali. Scar Face is Ali.Biggie was Ali, Tupac was Ali. Fuck being like Mike, Be like Ali. The one and ONLY GOAT.