2016 was a vintage year for cooning. It was such a vintage year in grand coonery that if cooning in 2016 was a bottle of champagne it would be a bottle of that 1992 Dom Perignon. The 2016 cooning was so abnormally ubiquitous that the usual top ten year ending coon list had to be expanded exponentially to a top 100.
The good news is the level of coonery has dropped back down to normal levels in 2017 and we are back to the top 10. The bad news is niggas are still cooning hard which makes this list a necessity still. That said and with out further ado I present to you the top ten coons of 2017 and the last 10 people that you’d invite to the cookout or any other gathering of proud Negros in fellowship.
9 & 10 Diamond & Silk
Like their fearful leader and fellow wearer of bad hair pieces Donald John Trump, this unbearable unbeweaveable doltish duo traffic heavily in alternative facts. Their incoherent psycho babble even to the most loyal fucktrumpet white supremacist supporters of the American idiot in the Oval Office are nothing more than useful idiots (situational) to be called upon in those rare gatherings where wearing black face just won’t suffice to get said racist point/taunt/joke off.
Long story short this ratcharded duet sings one of the more innocuous coon tunes. They are the Mitchell & Ness of coonery. A throw back to the chitterling circuit and minstrel act days. They’re much more detrimental to the overall coon cause than they are to the culture because they represent the sum total of what being a coon is and that is to be a mascot for white supremacy. These two Nebraska Coonhuskers with all of the cooning that they’ve done in the Trump era error have earned themselves at best the right to have their faces dawned on a football helmet as the mascot of Billy Bob and thems favorite football team. Their YouTube channel and legion of Alt-right followers on twitter is pretty much their zenith.
8. Pastor Mark Burns
What do you call a black evangelical Christian? Other than a fool, a tool and a coon nothing. Pastor Mark Burns who has become an annual mainstay on these coon lists makes another top ten finish for his rabidly coontastic support for Roy Moore in his failed Senate bid. Amid allegations of being a child predator and upon the revelation that Judge Moore felt that America was last great back when Mark Burns ancestors were slaves. Being the steadfast fellow that he is Pastor Burns did not let a little racism and sexual assault against minors deter him from hopping aboard the Roy Moore Pony express. Mr Burns much like Cubic Zirconia and Polyester are not the kind of coons that are dangerously deceptive whereby they are a threat to attract more black people into joining their chorus of support for overt white supremacy. They are barely able to carry out their primary role which is to assuage white guilt by providing cover for overt racism. Their hyperbolic proclamations and embarrassing antics makes it hard for anyone not already on the Trump or alt-right bandwagon to take them seriously. In many ways they serve as living breathing and incessantly blathering examples of what we within the culture bemoan about token Negroes and how and why they are granted platforms. If you’re mediocre or less as a black person and you talk up white supremacy while talking down equality there’s a pretty good chance that you will land a job that will compensate you for far more than you’re worth.
#CooningForTheComeUp
7. Jason Whitlock
Jason Whitlock is another perennial top ten coontender for sell out of the year. Just like Pastor Burns and the hoodpossum duo of Diamond & Silk he’s a talent-less twit who only has a national platform because he recklessly uses it to denigrate black people and all of the worthy causes that the black community holds dear. What makes his coonery far more egregious than coontestants 8, 9 and 10 is the fact that his platform is not only a national one but it affords him the right to assault the the truth daily. The truth about black lives matter, the truth about why players take a knee for the anthem and just about any truth that speaks to the reality faced by the poor, black, brown and disaffected. His employer Fox Sports I suspect know this is why they hired him. The good news is the fact that they also hired Shannon Sharpe and that’s who we can thank for the skit behind the picture above being shelved before going live. Our “friend” Jason Whitlock thought that it would be a good idea to poke fun at Colin Kapernick and movement that he sacrificed his NFL career to support. While it never saw the light of day the point conveyed in the picture was crystal clear.
6. Sheriff David Clarke
Former Milwaukee sheriff and current Fox News coontributer David Clarke while high on the list for cooning this year had a pretty down year as it pertains to reaping rewards for his constant coonery. After being a faithful surrogate on the chitterling circuit extolling the virtues of the most virtue-less human being on earth he was expected to be taking a cabinet position with the administration somewhere within Homeland Security. That job never materialized. Instead what followed him was a series of lawsuits and investigations. He’s being sued for the inordinate amount of deaths in his jail as Milwaukee sheriff and now being investigated by the FBI for abuse of power. The dip shit sheriff also thought that it would be prudent to have his deputies harass an airline passenger for having the audacity to shake his head at his cooning ways. This led the FBI early in 2017 to get a warrant to search his email. Fortunately its probably why he did not get hired to work for the federal government and unfortunately for him why he did not rise higher on the top coon of the year list from 2016 to 2017. The good ole sheriff may soon see his usefulness expire.
5. Ray Lewis
Ray Rat is another two time top ten finisher. He actually finished number 2 last year out of 100 coontestants so finishing 5th this year among only 10 coontestants is kind of an improvement. Ray only had one certified major coon moment this year. After lambasting Colin Kapernick and his taking a knee during the anthem all last year Ray found himself at the cross roads of the culture that spawned his legend and the cross hairs of white fragility when he was forced to make a decision to take a knee or stand for the anthem. As fate would have it he was scheduled to be an honorary captain of his former Baltimore Ravens team for their overseas game in London the very same week that his president Donald Jerk Trump fired a salvo at the entire NFL by calling the protesting players sons of bitches while imploring their teams owners to fire them. Needless to say players around the league were more emboldened and defiant this particular week and players from both sides were demonstrative in their response to the presidents taunts. This left Ray with one of two choices. Stand for the anthem or take a knee. Never one to be confined by binary decision making the quick thinking former all pro linebacker took two knees leaving him with the predictable excuse that he was praying and not protesting. His lame excuse however did not inoculate him from the hail storm of salty white tears. In fact the very same white folks that offered him effusive and endless praise a year ago at this time for being a black face opposing social justice and equality managed to have a petition waged against him to have his statue removed from the Ravens stadium.
4. Malcom Jenkins
Now standing on the sidelines holding up a right fist 👊🏿 (the universal sign of black power and struggle in America) while the rest of the 50 thousand or so in the stadium are wittingly and unwittingly paying homage to chattel slavery and American aggression with hands on heart singing an ode written by slave owning Francis Scott Key is hardly something to label one with such a dubious distinction. However when that one player who hoisted a black power fist during the anthem co-opts a movement and starts to secretly negotiate on behalf of players taking knees during the anthem with demonstratively more skin in the game questioning the integrity of said dude is apropos. Even more damning is the devil within the details of the deal that this single player struck with NFL ownership to bring an end to NFL player protests of the National Anthem. To make a long story short. An NFL player that has never taken a knee during the anthem negotiated a deal with the NFL’s owners to bring an end to players taking a knee. And that’s not even the kicker. The kicker is that the almost 100 million pledged by ownership over a period of almost 10 years will only be granted if the players come up with half of the money. And oh yeah the money that ownership forks over will be deducted from funds earmarked for other worthy charitable giving like breast cancer and domestic violence.
Word to the wise. Never trust a nigga named Jenkins. He’s gonna do some Real Jenky shit on you 100 percent of the time.
3. Parris Denard Donald Trump has had a pretty tumultuous first year in office replete with all kinds of self inflicted foul ups, bleeps and blunders. He’s been criticized from all corners of the political spectrum for them. Almost all corners that is. Donald Trump is to Parris Dennard what Ms Jenkins was to Bonita Bitrell. He ain’t one to gossip but…
…Don’t nobody better say nothing bad about Ms. Jenkins Donald Trump in front of the boy Parris. He goes hard in the paint for Trump. Harder than anyone else on television. To the point that he’s become an easy and favorite target of CNN anti-Trump pundits. He’s taken some brutal beat downs on CNN panels in the last 12 months but remains steadfast as a stalwart defender of all things Trump.
He clearly wants that number one coon spot and though he may have come up short in 2017. He is in pole position for the number one coon spot in the future.
2. Ben Carson Uncle Ben is another annual attendee at the Coon award show. He’s cracked the top 5 for at least the last 3 years in a row. He gets the number 2 spot for 2017. With the departure of Niggarosa Manigault Dr. Carson remains the lone black face in the whitest presidential cabinet since Reconstruction. As the head of HUD Carson was made to appear on capitol hill to explain away the draconian cuts being made to agency. Carson had little grasp of the cuts or the intended and unintended consequences of them and how it would affect the people that vitally depend on it as a resource. His cringe worthy performance while being queried by Congressman Al Green will live in infamy and again serves as yet another reminder of the kind of ineptitude that even your most accomplished coons are equipped with. White privilege has nothing in coon privilege. Absolutely nothing.
1. Tim Scott
Token Timmy while under the radar in so far as embarrassing coon antics and overt expressions of love for master has been playing a major role in codifying the white supremacist gripe on America. He voted affirmatively to confirm Jeff Sessions as attorney general and Betsy Devose as Secretary of education two people whose policies directly impact in the most negative ways black people. He also voted to confirm the myriad unqualified hacks that will infect and infuse more top down racism in the judicial system for generations to come. He’s easily the most powerful black man in America next to Clarence Thomas and he’s arguably done as much damage to the future of black America in 2017 than Clarence Thomas has done over the last 25 years sitting on the Supreme Court.
Most recently he voted along with his white supremacist caucus in he senate to reform the tax code shifting even more of the burden to keep this nation afloat on the poor and middle class. At the all white white house day party celebration he was positioned up front as Dystopian Donald’s favorite African-American. If a silver-lining exists hopefully it will be that such an optic will finally illustrate to white Americans writ-large that coons are as detrimental to them and their future success as they have been to the black community. Not holding my breath but that is my hope.
Honorable Mention:
After coming in number one in 2016 Niggarosa Parks fell all the way off the list. To her credit and like she did her white house job sh went away kicking and screaming so don’t get it confused. She’s still a coon for life.
Herschel Walker as fullback for the New Jersey Generals of the USFL was once property of Donald Trump. Someone needs to get the memo to him that the USFL is now defunct and he’s no longer property of Donald. He seems not to be aware.After voting for and vocally supporting Donald Trump in 2016 the bad half of the Mary Mary tandem doubled down in 2017 for her support. She’s officially gone for good. Do not try to resuscitate.
Shout out to team Uncoon:
Don Lemon prior to 2016 was a fixture on the year ending coon list. I’m happy to report that his black card has been fully reinstated with no probationary period. Welcome back to black Don. Don’t fuck this up.While the black delegation is still mulling it it appears that Charles Barkley who ironically made the top 100 list in 2016, will have his card reinstated. He will likely be on probation for at least the first quarter if 2018.
As bad as cast of characters were in act one, their black cards don’t necessarily need to be revoked–at least not permanently. Act two though? These 50 coons for the most part are coons that black people need to collectively shun for good barring a 180 degree about face from whatever the infraction(s) was that landed them in such dubious company.
Coontestant# 49 Cam Newton
Based on his offense to blackness in 2016 Cam actually belongs in the first group of redeemable coons. Cam is setting off the coon for life team via extrapolation. In 2015 Cam embraced being a strong and proudblack man, much to the chagrin of the Carolina fan base and of course team ownership. So what did they do? They decided to bring in GOP spin doctor and race bait extraordinaire Frank Luntz to be the quarterbacks coach on navigating conversations on social issues and race, and boy was Cam a quick study.
At the rate of change that Luntz’s tutelage had on Cam, if he remains the QB’s race coach for much longer Cam will indeed become the second coming of Sammy Sosa–and much closer to the number one spot in the next year. Here’s hoping that Cam listens to more sounds of blackness in 2017 and less Frank Luntz.
#uncoonthyselfcam
Coontestants 48-46 Alicia D White, Caesar R Goodson and William Porter
While these three coons did not directly kill Freddie Gray, they grossly abdicated their civic responsibilities, their blackness and their sheer humanity to protect the blue shield. They were charged along with the three white officers who were actually the ones that mortally wounded Gray in an attempt to get to the truth. In the end the the well intended tactic failed. Largely because of these three coward ass coons.
With the cooperation of the aforementioned three coons, all of the charges stemming from Freddie Gray’s murder were dropped on all six suspects.
#blackcooopblackcopblackcopblackcop
Coontestant# 45 Baltimore Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake
After prosecutor Marilyn Mosby took the courageous and unprecedented step of casting a wide net to prosecute the murder of a citizen by the police her mayor threw her under the bus by claiming that she (Mosby) was bowing to political pressure as opposed to trying to solve a murder perpetrated by the state. She also insinuated that Mosby was not ready for the big stage, and when her city cops instigated a “riot”, instead of empathizing with the young black youth that were being antagonized by her city police officers she publicly called the kids thugs. Rawlings-Blake was and remains solidly on the side of the Baltimore Police Department despite the fact that the Justice department revealed systemic abuses. She is yet another black face put in a high place to protect white supremacy and maintain the status quo.
#olemammyassmammy
Coontestants #44-39 (washed up former athletes for Trump) Mike Tyson, Latrell Sprewell, Terrell Owens Shawn Merriman and Floyd Mayweather
It greatly pains me to put a former main man (Mike Tyson) on this list, but gotta go gotta go. When your allegiance to a purveyor of such overt bigotry and racism is stronger than your allegiance to your people you have out lived your worth to the community.
#allfuckboysquad
Coontestant# 38 Katrina Pierson
This bubble headed broad was Donald Chrumps national spokeswoman during his campaign and as ridiculous and juvenile as his little twitter fingers are, hers were worse. So much so that she did not even get a White House job after all the cooning that she did to help get him elected. She’s made more appearances on milk cartons in the mid-west than she has on cable news since Trump was elected.
#whereswaldo
Coontestant# 37 Malik Obama
This coon from another continent and half brother of President Barack Obama was hired by Donald Chrump to be a prop at his last debate verse Hillary Clinton. He pulled off the trifecta with that coon move. He sold out African-Americans, his family name and the entire continent of Africa.
#dreamsofmyhalfwithalfbrother
Coontestamt#36 Armstrong Williams
Armstrong Williams has been cooning since before Tookie Williams was banging. This OG coon has been pushing the white supremacist agenda for so long that I almost for got that he rode the coon train. The television host, business partner and bff of Dr. Ben Carson had an up and down year himself. While his media empire continues to grow and he remains one of the most successful black men in media ownership his penchant for sexually harassing males continue to haunt him…
Excerpts from the Washington Post
I wonder what his bff Ben Carson who is anti-gay to the extreme feels about his homies predisposition for getting butt massages by men.
#liketwohangersinacloset
Coontestant#35 Stacy Dash
Stacy Dash aside from being a certified coon for life is a glutton for punishment and addicted to the game of rotisserie roast-me on twitter. She started 2016 out on the wrong foot by decrying the inherent racism of the Image Awards, BET and even going so far as to say that Black History month needed to be abolished. Her timing was impeccable because a week after she made the comments the NAACP image awards came and she was roasted by host Anthony Anderson who said
“Everybody give a round of applause for Stacey Dash…What the hell is she doing here? Doesn’t she know that the Fox network is using her? She’s just an Ann Coulter dipped in butterscotch. That’s all she is. Baby, don’t let them use you! …Come back to the black people and get back to work on some of those beautiful C-movies that you used to do!” ~ Anthony Anderson
And of course Black Twitter had to get a piece of the action
BET was among the first of many in the Twiterverse to clap back
While Twitter had a ball with her coonified faux pas in 2016 unfortunately there will be less opportunities to lampoon her lunacy because Fox News declined to extend her contract for 2017. All that cooning she did and still got dropped. I wonder if BET is hiring???
#biggestloser
Coontestants 34-25 Allen West, Jesse Lee Patterson , Herman Cain, Larry Elder, Niger Innis, Raven Symone, Pastor David Manning , Charles Payne and Bob Johnson
These ten consummate coons did not do or say anything of note in 2016. At least nothing more noteworthy than what we have all come to expect from them but what’s a coon list without adding them. The marvel is the fact that none of these handkerchief heads cracked the top 10 or even 20 this year.
#tradethemallforacartonofnewports
Coontestant #24 Lesean “Shady” McCoy
If he needs help, he’ll call the cops ~ Shady McCoy on Colin Kapernicks protest
#suckerniggashit
Coontestant#23 Steve Perry
For most of this dudes career in public life and as a “school reformer” he’s flown far under the radar coondar. It makes him one of the more dangerous coons in America, specifically because his end goal is the destruction of the public school system and the teaching profession-particularly those in black communities. One of the few silver linings in Donald Chrump becoming the president is the fact that the insidious and dastardly deeds as they pertain to his work with school reform overtly dovetails with the plans that the new president has for inner city schools and he is rightly starting to be called out for it and it’s getting harder and harder for him to conceal his true motives.
#teamvulture
Coontestant# 22 Lee Daniels
“I wanted white people to feel good about being white people because right now, there’s a lot of hatred going on.”~ Lee Daniels
This dude has been speaking reckless for sometime now. His quizzical reasoning for why he cast a white star is as befuddling as it is bemusing.
We would be remiss not to add this guy to the list. With Obama leaving office and Justice he’s the most powerful black man in the nation. And with those powers he votes lock step with the avowed racists in the US senate. From repealing voter rights and protections to removing the social safety net for the most needy this dude is as “ain’t shit” as they come.
#thespookatthesenatedoor
Coontestants# 20-19 Diamond & Silk
This is what happens when rats and raccoons crossbred. These two Ratcoons better known as Diamond and Silk are the human equivalent of a Fox News merger with BET. If Azelia Banks and Carlton Banks ever had twins Diamond & Silk is who they’d grow up to be like. These hood possums are a viral minstrel show and are unabashed about it.
#lacefrontlosers
Coontestant# 18 Jason Whitlock
Jason Whitlock is another long time coon who has a fairly broad media perch for which he uses to spread his cooned out opines.
Jason Whitlock on Black lives matter:African-Americans are more likely to be struck by lightning than to be killed by police
Jason Whitlock on Colin Kapernicks protest: “This kid was about Instagram models, tattoos, his abs and building up the Colin Kaepernick brand — until the very moment he loses his starting quarterback job, and now he’s out here and he’s ‘Martin Luther Cornrow.’ And he’s got cornrows, he’s Allen Iverson, he’s Angela Davis. I don’t buy it
It’s rather obvious that he hates the black skin that he was born in. It’s unfortunate that he is given such a wide ranging perch on television, radio and print media to misinform the masses while codifying the white supremacist construct.
#willcoonforburgers
Coontestant#17 Justice Clarence Thomas
Now that Justice Scalaia is dancing with the devil until the end of eternity and unable to stick his hand up this clowns ass to play puppet master, he’s a rudderless coon on the bench less able to fuck over the country and black people by extension. He still however is one of the most destructive coons to black progression of all time so his falling out of the top ten has much less to do with him doing less cooning in 2016 and much more to do with the the uptick in competition coonpetition for that number one spot.
#kingofcoons
Coontestant#16 Kanye West
Kanye has been on a collision course with coonery for a while now. And while his fragile mental state is cause for more empathy and understanding than scorn and rebuke we’ed be remiss to omit him from making the top 20 list for 2016. With love of course.
#comebackhomeyezzy
Coontestant# 15 Officer Brentley Vinson
The man on the left is Keith Lamont Scott. Someone who was minding his business reading a book in his car while waiting to pick his kid up from school. The coon on the right is Brently Vinson, the Charlotte officer that murdered him for no reason at all. And while I do think that it’s possible a black man joinging a racist police force such as Charlotte could lead to him becoming a coon, something tells me that Vinson was a coon long before he received his badge. He’s a graduate of Liberty University. What Black man goes there that is not already a coon?
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Coontestant# 14 Sgt. Demetrick Pennie
This coon with a badge just wanted to make his name known as a proud member of the Procyon species of mammal. Why else would he bring forth such a frivolous suit? This is what you call “how to get on Fox news 101”. i should not even be giving him the attention but how can he not make this list? This coon is being used as a pawn in a law suit not only naming Black Lives Matter, but also President Obama, Hillary Clinton, and Al Sharpton. This coon is literally throwing his feces at the wall with hopes that is sticks.
#monkeycoonpigandratallrolledinone
Coontestant# 13 Howard Croft
Howard Croft served as the City of Flints director of public works from 2011 until he was forced to resign in 2015. His position oversaw the flint water distribution system. It was him that brought the recommended changes that had the then city emergency manager Ed Kurtz switch the cities water source to the Flint River. He along with Kurtz has been indicted and is facing up to 20 years. Luckily he has the face of a snitch and all indications are he is doing just that as his previous counsel dropped him for meeting with investigators alone and rumors that the governor Rick Snyder too will soon face indictment. Stay tuned…
#nevertrustaniggathathasapartonthesideofhishead
Coontestant #12 Darnell Earley
Darnell Earley is one of the emergency managers that the governor hand picked to run many of the cities in the state of Michigan. Even before the Flint water crisis that he helped cultivate and cover up he was a certified coon because he was used as a tool to usurp the sovereignty and franchise of the black people of the cities that he was appointed. He basically helped render their votes impotent because no matter who the citizens of Benton Harbor, Flint or Detroit elected, he and the other emergency managers were placed in charge of their city. He eventually replaced Ed Kurtz as city manager of Flint during their ill-fated switch to the Flint river for the cities water supply. Despite knowing that poisons from that river was literally making the citizens of the city sick to death. He too is facing indictment. He even had the audacity to try and stick the cash strapped city of Flint with the bill for his $750 per hour lawyer.
#heneedstobewaterboardedwithflintwater
Coontestant#11 Pastor Mark Burns
This extra mediocre fuck boy is your typical witless and talent-less tool. A coon of his stature normally would not make it so close to the top 10 even in a non-vintage year. He makes it this high on the list for the sheer audaciousness of his cooning ways. After cooning his way into a speaking gig at the GOP convention it all came crashing down when his bio was discovered to have been replete with alternative facts. He stated that he was a member of Kappa Alpha Psi fraternity that was a lie, he said that he was in the Army reserve, and that too was proven to be untrue. His being enrolled in a masters of divinity program also was a figment of his imagination. He was confronted with all of these stretches of the truth on camera in a sit down interview with CNN. It was so bad for the coon that he tried to go off the record mid interview and when that did not work homeboy walked out of the interview leaving the CNN correspondent all by his lonesome in his 400 square foot church. In the end Massa Trump took him off the coon circuit and his ass ain’t been seen since.
#outcoonedhimself
Top 10 coons of 2016
Coontestant# 10 Pastor Darryl Scott
Pastor Darryl Scott is the lead vocalist in the Black Preachers for Trump crew.
In fact Darryl Scott is the Michael to Pastor Burns Tito in so far as what they mean to the BPFT movement.
So far he has not been able to parlay his pulpit cooning into a steady job with the administration so for now he has to settle for being the right hand coon to Donald’s right hand coon.
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Coontestant# 9 Lil Wayne
Wayne actually looks like the physical manifestation of a rat and raccoon encounter during mating season. His music has long been of the minstrel type. However as demeaning and degrading as his music has been over the last couple of decades he managed to make occasional dalliances with the reality faced by many of his fans that made him the mega rap star that he is. That’s why is answers to some very basic questions into his level of black consciousness left so many bemused.
Lil Wayne on Colin Kapernicks protest:
“I’m not into it enough to even give an opinion. Somebody had to tell me why he was doing it. That’s how much I didn’t know what was going on, and I kinda still don’t. Somebody gotta explain to me like, ‘Yo, he kneeling because of Black Lives Matter thing and because’—that whole wave just went by me too fast for me to give an opinion.”
Lil Wayne on racism:
“These 33 years have been nothing but a blessing,” Wayne said on the show. “I have never—never’s a strong word. I have never, never dealt with racism and I’m glad I didn’t have to.” Tunechi added that he didn’t know if being a star made him immune to racism, but he now knows racism does exist despite racism not being his reality, continuing, “I would have to say I thought it was over. I still believe it’s over, but, obviously it isn’t.”
Lil Wayne after black twitter got wind of his coonery:
#boycotthisbullshitmusic
Coontestant# 8 Jim Brown
Jim’s late breaking 2016 coonery caught a lot of people by surprise but I can’t say that I am one of those folks. Jim has a reputation for being down for the historic causes on behalf of the black community but the truth us Jim has always been out for Jim.
This famous photo of Jim Brown and other great black athletes in their prime years during the 1960’s showing their unconditional and public support is something of an urban legend. Jim Brown is rightly credited with putting the group together, but the stated goal of this meeting of the minds has been obfuscated over the years. This meeting of hall of fame minds was the brainchild of boxing promoter Bob Arum. He tasked Jim Brown with gathering the group to convince Muhammad Ali to enlist in the Army so that his ban from boxing would be rescinded and they could all profit from the burgeoning closed circuit pay per view industry. It just so happened that Ali was game enough for all of them and would not hear any of it. In the end these “well meaning” gentlemen & Jim settled for this iconic photo op.
Which brings us to his most recent photo op in the tale end of 2016. The one where Trump and his loyal brown minions sent him on the now familiar walk of shame through the Trump Towers lobby to deliver this barf inducing quip:
“I fell in love with him because he really talks about helping African-American, black people and that’s why I’m here” ~~ Jim Brown on Donald Trump
#fuckjimbrowntoo
# 7 Don King
About the only mantra more annoying than Don Kings “Only in America” chant is Don Trumps “Make America great again” so the natural synergy between the two Dons should surprise no one. What I did find just a little bit surprising is the level of minstrel that Mr.King stooped to while introducing him:
“You’ve got to understand, my black brothers and sisters, they told me, ‘You’ve got to try to emulate and imitate the white man and then you can be successful… So we tried that. They said, ‘If you can get some money, you can do this here.’ I told Michael Jackson, I said if you’re poor, you’re a poor negro – I would use the N-word – but if you’re a rich, you’re a rich negro; if you are intelligent, you’re an intellectual negro; if you’re a dancing and sliding and gliding nigger – I mean negro – you’re a dancing and sliding and gliding negro. So dare not alienate because you cannot assimilate. You know, you’re going to be a negro till you die.”
#onlyinameriKKKa
Coontestant #6 Sherrif David Clarke
Milwaukee sheriff David Clarke is one black man that has never met a shooting of an unarmed black man by a law enforcement officer that he did agree with. David Duke has more genuine love for black people than this afro goatee having nincompoop. In addition to being one of Fox News most prized props for misinformation he oversees as sheriff one of the deadliest jails in the country and for that he has legislators in his state asking that he be removed.
#hanghimbythechin
Coontestant# 5 Shaqcoon O’Neal
Shaq shot up the coon charts in 2016. His penchant for always paying homage to the police and being an honorary sheriff has always been a turn off but not enough to place him so high on the coon list or even on it at all. That was of course until her decided it prudent to give his incoherent and coonish opine on Colin Kapernick’s anthem protest on Fox & Friends of all places…
“To each his own…I don’t really have a say on it, but I would never do that. My father was a military man, and you know, he protected this country. Uncles are in law enforcement, you know, they go out and work hard every day..People like Muhammad Ali and Bill Russell, they were one way their whole career. You can’t show us something, and then go to another just because of certain issues”~ Shaq
Nigga what?!?!
What makes Shaq’s commentary so egregiously coonish is the fact that he’s part of the .001 percent of Black Americans. Unlike most of the coons that routinley grind our gears he’s far from being a mediocre negro. He literally hit the DNA lottery with his god given physique. He has zero reasons to be cooning and even less reasons to be sitting on the couch with the lame cast of Fox & Friends giving an opine on issues that require depth of understanding and nuanced thought. Big duffus has a PHD yet he let three stoogers from Fox News walk him into talking himself out of his black card.
#thebigcoon
Coontestant#4 Charles Barkley
Shaq’s partner in coon has much more experience in the area of catering to the angst ridden ego of white males so his offenses to black people and black culture is far less shocking. For him to out rank so many other certified coons he would however have to coon harder than he did in years past. Never one to back down from a challenge Barkley with the help of TNT put on a classical coon performance.
TNT has a 6 part series airing early in 2017 titled “The Race Card” which is a discussion around the hot-button issues that cause and comprise the strained racial relations in today’s America and they tapped Charles Barkley of all people to host the program. They might as well have named it “TNT Trolls Black America” because that is essentially what happened on the first stop of Coon conductor Charles. The first stop was in Baltimore Maryland and it came on the heels of a justice department report that highlighted systemic abuses of the residents of Baltimore at the hands of Baltimore City police. Charles however did not want to talk about that. He instead chastised the audience for not expressing condolences for 4 officers that were killed earlier in the week in other parts of the country. Needless to say that did not go very well. He ended up having to be ushered out by security because they were big mad.
#chuckcoon
Coontestant # 3 Ben Carson
Dr. Ben Carson is the only coon on the Trump train that was able to engineer for himself a a cabinet position. Being a renowned brain surgeon one would think that naturally he’s be tapped to be the surgeon general. Not in Trumps White House. Carson was instead tapped to head up the department of housing and urban development, something he has next to no clue about. Other than the fact that he’s black and hails from the inner city he is qualified to run HUD in Trumpian thought. Why? Because when they gut the agency render it totally useless they will be able to point to their black token as the cause to shield them from claims of racism.
#coondoctor
Coontestant# 2 Ray Lewis
17 years ago Ray Lewis while partying at the Super Bowl in Atlanta with his boys got into some sort of conflict with two men who were both subsequently stabbed to death. Both of the victims blood made it’s way into Ray’s limo and the all white suit that his bama ass was wearing on that cold January day vanished from the face of the earth. Now I’m not calling Ray Lewis and murderer but that is what he was charged with and there was far more evidence linking him to the murders of Jacinth Baker and Richard Lollar than there was evidence linking OJ Simpson to the murders of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown. Despite the damning evidence and in the case of his Easter Sunday suit the lack there of Ray was acquitted of all charges. By the court or law and by the court of ubiquitous negro opinion. To most of white America however he was still a thug unworthy of playing in the NFL. So he went from Ray Lewis the typical bad boy from the University of Miami to Creflo Dollar Jr with the extra preachy super annoying disposition. Yet and still most from the Negro delegation even still. That obviously did not ingratiate himself enough with white America because in more recent years he’s incorporated some serious respectability negro politics into his spiel.
He started with making a bunch of lame videos appealing to the youth of Baltimore to behave and not riot in the face of police abuse then slowly but surely went full blown coon on us with several appearances on The Undisputed hosted by fellow coon Jason Whitlock where they formed the greatest black tag team duo since Rocky Johnson and Tony Atlas manned the squared circle. The Colin Kapernick story gave this tag team duo all kinds of coon life but that was just a warm up for Ray Ray. He too took the infamous walk of shame photo op at Trump Towers. But unlike Kanye, Jim Brown and Steve Harvey Ray looked like he was quite conformable in that setting.
#rayraythemurdererliarandcoon
Coon of the Year: Omarosa
This she devil right here is the most dangerous and despicable black woman in America–the world even. She’s Kelly-Ann Conway with melanin and a functioning brain. She’s #blackgirlrocks minus a conscious.
This cold calculating shrew is Donald Trumps bottom bitch and director of African-American coon outreach for his administration. She’s the cunning concubine of the slave master… .
…but don’t mistake her for Ernestine.
She’s much closer to the type of concubine that you’d find on the Candy land Plantation. You know the type that can’t live without master.
The truly unfortunate thing about her is the fact that she is smart, highly ambitious and talented. She knows more than the average coon and even more than the man that pays her a hansom ransom to corral and create more coons. She’s gonna make coons out of a lot of men these next four years. I pray that in the next few years she does not morph into some sort of role model for the young black, melaninated and impressionable young girls coming up. It’s bad enough that we have an avalanche of black men bending over backwards and forwards to appease the white male supremacist ethos that infects America. The last thing we need is a role model for young black girls to think it prudent to do the same. So while there’s no denying her drive and black girl magic, the fact that she uses her powers for evil purposes we’re going to have to shelve celebrating her achievements during the month of February.
This country is full of stupid white people who are moved by the ridiculously racist antics of Trump. The fact that he comported himself as a 5 year old that got left back in the terrible two’s stage of life (3 times) does not deter them from going to the polls in record numbers to vote him in. After all they do share his dominant worldview. Hillary on the other hand did not have the benefit of such a low bar. She was tasked with winning over the higher minded voter. You know the not so racist person that actually reads, writes and has comprehensive skills beyond an 8th grade level? And while she did not do terrible she did not necessarily win over any new converts from that seemingly fleeting American demographic.
NAFTA and even the pending TPP deal is an obvious Achilles heel for her. She needs to stay humble on those topics and even evade them if she can (actually we know she can). She also needs to stop touting her husbands legacy because even Donald is not that dumb that he can’t flip the negative reverberations from his legacy as he seamlessly did last night. He dinged her on trade deals and even criminal justice–even as he threw his rabidly racist rascals a bone with his law and order quips(code word for keep on killing the da blacks).
Hillary on the other hand only tacitly admitted that there’s a serious problem with the justice system. The Fraternal Order of Police has already come out in full force for Trump so she needs to rid her self of the propensity to straddle that fence. They are not fucking with her so she needs to stop trying to curry favor with them and the assholes that they serve, protect and coddle AND the assholes that look upon the injustices perpetrated against people as color as no big deal. If she is to win this race she needs to do away with her politics of yesteryear and tap into the “real talk” politics of today. The kind of real talk that Obama has sort of introduced and that Bernie Sanders has doubled down on. If I was advising Hillary’s campaign NWA’s Fuck The Police would be the new campaign theme song. In other words I would have her cease and desist her strategy of reaching out to the ignoble white male demographic and instead have her speak to the broader coalition of voters that have kept President Obama in office for the past 8 years. The Clintonian coalition that Slick Willie rode to two terms no longer exists and I’m not sure that she understand this fact.
S/N: Bernie Sanders would have cleaned his clock last night. If she loses to this asshole. Don’t blame Jill, don’t blame the Bernie Bros or none of the bullshit excuses that have been senselessly bantered about in the ether. Blame team #imwithher because the same polls that has her struggling with this arrested in adolescent development ass hat had him several points ahead in all of the swing states.
S/N2: WTF was up with all that damn sniffling Donald was doing last night? That dude was snorting snot like Tony Montana snorted coke. Yuck!
S/N3: Never trust a Lester to do a mans job (or a woman’s)
Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard, solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think ~ Martin Luther King Jr.
Chess is a thinking persons game. It’s a long game–one in which you have to see past your next several moves in order to stay ahead and eventually win. Politics just like chess is a long game and one that if it is to be played to win must involve an actual strategy. Voting for the lesser of two evils is not a strategy–not even in checkers. So in this political game of chess how are we going to ever win if we keep on employing a strategy that’s not even helpful in a lesser game?
It’s high time we abandon the failed strategies of the past and disabuse the kind of expedient measures that continue to net undesirable results. It really is okay to NOT be with her OR him.
A vote for Jill Stein knowing that she stands no chance of winning is not just an emotional response from progressive minded voters disenchanted with the Clinton Machine and the dubious at best democratic primary process. It’s also a strategy. It’s far from a guaranteed strategy that will immediately pay dividends but if played correctly it’s a low risk high reward (even if it’s down the road) strategy that will only strengthen our collective hand in future elections and more importantly empower future generations that will be able to build on the strategic moves that we have in our power to make.
If you live in a deep red state like Alabama or Arkansas theoretically you’re throwing your vote away by voting for anyone but Trump because nobody not named Donald J Trump is going to win those two states and other similar states where Neanderthals comprise the median voting demographic. Similarly If you vote in a deep blue state like Connecticut, Maryland or Vermont you can as well afford to make more of a statement with a third party vote because if you vote for the only candidate that’s gonna win those respective states (Hillary) the exit polls will serve as consent for every policy initiative that comes across her desk. Good, bad, ugly and down right evil .
Elections today are 24/7/365 so the minute Hillary takes the oath of office she will be campaigning for 2020. If her internal pollsters find that the overwhelming majority of people in America who are not certified coons, jack asses or bigots (the typical Trump constituent) approve of not only her hawkish proclivities but also her her neo-liberal agenda guess what? It will be full steam ahead with the enactment of them. That is not winning. If on the other hand those exit polls reflect a sizable portion of the reliably democratic electorate that remains averse to her brand of politic she would be forced legislatively to the left in the same manner in which the Bernie Sanders run forced her campaign style to the left.
I get the fear of a Trump presidency. I’m in no way suggesting that everyone gamble on a Green party political novice to risk giving the white house to the greater evil (on paper and public perception wise). What I am suggesting is that you make your vote really count. As black people we are the most solid monolithic voting black in America yet we remain the most under represented sub groups in the country. That is primarily because we are not strategic in our voting or thinking.
We need and deserve a #blacklivesmatter approved candidate. They don’t necessarily have to be black but their policy positions and worldview needs to be aligned with the movement. The only way that we are ever going to see such a candidate like that see a viable route to a nomination is if we demand it. As a people we cannot throw 85 -90 percent of our vote to Hillary Clinton. That will in no way make her a better president and more importantly it will in no way improve the state of Black America. If you live in Florida, Ohio, Virginia, Nevada or any other swing state by all means–be with her! Vote for Hillary. But if you live in the south where Hillary stands no chance it is not a gamble to vote third party. If you live in a deep blue state there is no harm in not allowing her to run up the numbers on Trump. At the end of the day it is not about him so much as it is about keeping him out of office–but that can’t be the only goal and if it remains the only goal at best we are at a stalemate. At worst and more probable we lose.
2015 was another coontastic year full of black folks doing their latest and greatest “Shuck & Jive” routine to remain in the good graces of mainstream conservative white America. I could go on and on for days about the kind of self loathing self centered and selfish motivations that go into making certain black men and women suspend all manners of pride and common logic while spewing the most embarrassing rhetoric for the sole purpose of ingratiating themselves with the kind of dying breed of thought propagated on Fox news, but I don’t have all day and since we have already said farewell to 2015 I’m going to cut to the chase and share my top 10 Coons of the last 365 day cycle…
#10 Raven Symone
~ Now Raven is probably one of the more innocuous additions to this list because unlike the coons that will follow her she has not outwardly advocated for or co-signed the murder of black people, stumped for Trump or any of the more outlandish things that her brothers and sisters in coondumb are guilty of.
With that being said Raven is a black woman that has a national media platform and while The View to most serious people may be superficial day time programming in nature, Ravens words, thoughts and opinions reverberate and have wide spread resonance. With such a dearth in black voices in media she has a responsibility (whether she accepts this or not) to represent the overall interest of African-Americans as they portend to social uplift and all manners of equality. While Raven is far from the most egregious on air offender of black sensibilities I would be remiss not to coon-crown her for openly embracing discriminating against people with ethnic or as she puts it “ghetto sounding” names.
She received enough backlash for her banal brain musing that she did the unthinkable–at least for a coon. She actually apologized to black people and retracted her statement. And while there are other examples this year of her cooning we will not belabor the point because again, unlike the coons on the list that will follow her there is some hope. Let’s pray that she understands the error of her ways and does not make next year’s list.
#9 Jonathan Gentry
~ Now most don’t know this “Soul Glo” Negro. Hell, I barley know who he is. I just happened to pass one of his coonified productions on Facebook and could not help but to opine on the kind of chicanery chicoonery that he had on display. Of course the mostly all white people on his page that pats him on his greasy ass head for his Uncle Tom soliloquies rushed to defend their lawn jockey. My retort to his rabidly racist followers ended up getting me a 30 day ban from Facebook…
…so needless to say my number 9 selection was more personal in nature. Though the Coon-job that he’s pulling off is still worthy of mention.
#8 Rod Wheeler
~ Rod Wheeler is another lesser known coon (unless you are a Fox Newsbot) who deserves some recognition for his incessant coonery and failing of black people in media. The following clip speaks for itself. As a black man and former police officer he has totally abdicated his responsibilities to the community by co-signing the deaths of the innocent victims of racist policing in America. His answer to how to stop police killings of unarmed black people is to get out of their way and let them do their jobs. Oh and that there needs to be a change at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. He really said that…
#7 Kevin Jackson
~ Kevin Jackson is one of the better known hired guns (against black progress) of Fox News. He makes a living being the attack dog for white supremacy on air. No matter how egregious the offense to black people are he will always side with whatever Sean Hannity’s opinion is. He is to Sean Hannity what Justice Clarence Thomas is to Justice Antoion Scalaia–a lap dog.
His answer about what ails black America will always default to liberal policies, the Democratic party and Al Sharpton & Jesse Jackson. No matter what the specific topic at hand is. I think we all know a coon or two like this guy.
#6 Diamond & Silk
~ Now these two coonettes were plucked from under the same rock of obscurity that the rest of Donald Trumps dangerously uneducated following crawled from under. The two of these women together can be described as nothing short of a minstrel act. The kind of cooning that they have on display would normally grant them a higher ranking but as I said earlier–2015 was quite the coontastic year and these birds have little to no influence on even the most guile among us so all this performance really amounts to is a modern day Amos and Andy skit.
Two extra mediocre ghetto birds with lace front weaves endorsing Donald Trump and his Mein Kampf style of politics amounts to being just a misdomeaner in comparison to the Trump endorsements coondorsements to follow…
#5 The Black Preachers that endorsed Trump
…because after all not even the average ghetto bird will follow these ghetto birds to the polls to vote for him. The Diamond and Silk coon combo at the end of the day will garner minimal (if any) black voters for Trump. Their purpose more than anything is to assuage white racist guilt and to allow Trump to keep on saying “The Blacks love me”. These black preachers stumping for Trump is a much more nefarious act of treason to the community because these men are literally paid to lead flocks of black people and they are knowingly leading their flock to vote for a man that overtly disdains them and is literally promising to increase their misery index. No matter what these men and women have done in their respective ministries in the past to uplift the community (if they’ve done that at all) they will now and forevermore be remembered for selling out the black and progressive cause for Donald Trumps chump change. They have reached the point of no return and are coons for life–the same holds true for their respective congregants. So yes, if you still sit in any of these house niggers pew on Sunday, you too are a coon for life.
Then there was this…
#4 Omorosa
Omorosa was the actual ring leader of the Black Preachers for Trump Coon Brigade. She’s higher on the list and singled out because in addition to being an ordained minister she’s a very accomplished woman and has enough merit and stripes that such cooning on her part for Donald Trump is wholly unnecessary. Her literally whoring for one of the most overtly racist men to run for president since Barry Goldwater should forever relegate her to being nothing more than a coon, bed wench, mammy (insert Uncle Tom pejorative of choice).
#3 Ben Carson
~Mr. Gifted Hands has anything but a gifted mind. His meteoric yet ephemeral rise to the top of the GOP presidential polls mirrors that of Herman Cains rise (and fall) four years ago. By now it’s pretty obvious that both men are the ultimate tokens of the Grand Ole Party’s fledgling nomination process whereby they serve as the ultimate cover for the most ignorant and bigoted voters (and pollsters that corral them) in the nation and allow them to opine in the most mind numbing racist ways only to claim that they are not racist because they are voting for a buffoon named Ben. Even the dolts that claim to be supporting this useful idiot know that come Super Tuesday his name will be no where near a ballot.
Ben Carson is the Rain Man of brain surgery–politics not so much. In the school of medicine the dude is genius extraordinaire. In the school of politics, common sense and all things unrelated to cutting open the medulla oblongata, he’s arrested in his development and suffering from an undiagnosed case of Asperger’s (no offense to anyone with a child on the autism spectrum). He’s more socially awkward, inept and out of place on the national political stage than a 3rd grader at the opera. The good news is that by this time next election cycle he will be the same faint and distant memory (and footnote in history) that Herman Cain is today because his useful idiocy will have long expired. Enjoy Corky while you can.
#2 Sheriff David Clarke
Sheriff David the Coon Clarke has never met a police shooting of an unarmed black person that he did not agree with or co-sign as great police work. His rise to notoriety (mostly via Fox and CNN) coincides with and is in direct correlation to the level of outrage generated by the myriad murders by police caught on tape. He’s paraded around the networks to basically explain away racist police policies and abuse of authority. This makes him one of the most dangerous men (for blacks) on television.
And oh yeah, his answer to what ails the black community is single black women.
#1 Reverend Jesse Lee Peterson
Allow me to drop this verbatim right here (Rev. Jesse Lee Patterson on the Black Lives Matter Movement)
“It’s a hate group, they’re no different than the skinheads or the KKK. They are people who have never been taught to love. From the beginning of their lives they were taught to hate, blame and become victims. They’re just spending a lifetime blaming white Americans, blaming slavery for their lack of good parents in the homes and their lack of love… If Black Lives Matter was a white radical group, doing exactly what these black people are doing, they would be shut down. America would not allow that to happen…white Americans feel helpless and they have fear and they allow black lives matter, and other groups, to destroy our country…I’ve done a lot of work in the prisons and jails, and juvenile detention centers over the years. They have taught, and are teaching black youth, both male and female now, that Christianity is the white man’s religion and that Islam is the black man’s religion…At one point, I was a liberal Democrat, and I had the same anger as Black Lives Matter have because my father wasn’t there for me. Instead of people helping me to forgive him, they told me it was white racism, so I had to same hatred for white people…But I went to God and asked him to show me what was wrong, he allowed me to see it was that anger that starts in the home.
Uncle Ruckus could not have said that any better (from the purview of a coon of course). And if that is not enough to justify his top billing as Coon of the year the following clip should cement his standing
When Sean Hannity has to tell you to dial back the coonery–you have officially earned the title Coon of the Year.
Like their fearful leader and fellow wearer of bad hair pieces Donald John Trump, this unbearable unbeweaveable doltish duo traffic heavily in alternative facts. Their incoherent psycho babble even to the most loyal fucktrumpet white supremacist supporters of the American idiot in the Oval Office are nothing more than useful idiots (situational) to be called upon in those rare gatherings where wearing black face just won’t suffice to get said racist point/taunt/joke off.
Donald Trump has had a pretty tumultuous first year in office replete with all kinds of self inflicted foul ups, bleeps and blunders. He’s been criticized from all corners of the political spectrum for them. Almost all corners that is. Donald Trump is to Parris Dennard what Ms Jenkins was to Bonita Bitrell. He ain’t one to gossip but…
He clearly wants that number one coon spot and though he may have come up short in 2017. He is in pole position for the number one coon spot in the future.
Uncle Ben is another annual attendee at the Coon award show. He’s cracked the top 5 for at least the last 3 years in a row. He gets the number 2 spot for 2017. With the departure of Niggarosa Manigault Dr. Carson remains the lone black face in the whitest presidential cabinet since Reconstruction. As the head of HUD Carson was made to appear on capitol hill to explain away the draconian cuts being made to agency. Carson had little grasp of the cuts or the intended and unintended consequences of them and how it would affect the people that vitally depend on it as a resource. His cringe worthy performance while being queried by Congressman Al Green will live in infamy and again serves as yet another reminder of the kind of ineptitude that even your most accomplished coons are equipped with. White privilege has nothing in coon privilege. Absolutely nothing.
The Angry Black Rant 