NBA – The Angry Black Rant

5 Reasons why we should bury the term GOAT along with the GOAT (Muhammad Ali)

As we say goodbye to the greatest for good we should also say goodbye for good to the term GOAT (save for conversations about Ali). Muhammad Ali embodied the term and it’s less than respectful to his legacy to bestow such a hollowed moniker on any other athlete or entertainer–especially those who have done little outside of their master craft to measure up to what the champ did outside of his day job. So in honor of the GOAT’s passing here are five (of many) reasons why no one should ever be refereed to as the greatest of all time ever again…

1. He created the term

On February 25, 1964 after the artist formally known as Cassius Clay stopped the heavily favored Sonny Liston in seven rounds he took to ring center and proclaimed that he was the greatest and that he shook up the world. Little did anyone know that this young brash 22 year old was not just smack talking and would go on to embody both the term “I Am the greatest” and the act of shaking up a world in need of shaking. Ali through the years had trials and tribulations that put to test his greatness and at every turn he would remind friend and foe alike that he was indeed the greatest of all time. You will be hard pressed to find an utterance of that verbatim prior to Ali saying so. Therefore he’s the standard bearer of what the GOAT should look, sound and act like.

2. His convictions were not compromised by public opinion, monetary gain or even peer pressure from his contemporaries

Muhammad Ali’s refusal to be drafted into the Army during the Vietnam war and the revocation of his title for it is well chronicled. One of the more poignant photos from that period of his life is the one where he is surrounded by some of his contemporary greats including Bill Russell, Jim Brown and Lew Alcinder. The misconception is that they were there to support Ali and his defiant stance against the war. The truth is they were actually there to do the opposite. The private meeting was to convince him to enlist and to assure him that he would not be going to war but instead would serve as an ambassador to it and a morale booster to the troops in much the same way that Joe Louis was used during World War II. Ali who was far less educated than all of the men in attendance (in a formal sense) had a rebuttal for each and every point they brought up. He went on an almost two hour filibuster going into great detail why he would not be supporting the Vietnam war or enlisting. He won over the well meaning yet naive greats and forced them to reexamine their tacit support of the war. So much so that Lew Alcindor followed the path of Cassius Clay and retired his slave name a couple years later.

3. Ali Spoke truth to power instead of seceding to the powers that be.

There has never been an athlete before or since Muhammad Ali that has had the courage to speak truth to power. He did not shrink, bow or take a back seat to white supremacy. He confronted the white supremacist construct with as much confidence and zeal as he confronted his opponents in the ring. His defiant stance in media gave a nation (within a larger more hostile nation) of millions courage and pride. It inspired protest and affirmed the fact that we as a people are great. He was not worried about endorsement dollars. In fact he knew that it would be more lucrative for him to go along to get along just as pretty much every athlete today does but he remained steadfast and fearless.

4. He was not trans-racial and did not transcend race. He was unapologetically Black.

Jackie Robinson, Joe Louis, and Jesse Owens were phenomenal athletes that paved the way for Muhammad and others to thrive in the sports arena. By extension they paved the way for black people to more equitably integrate in to all levels of sports, entertainment, business and academia because they humanized blacks in the minds of millions of white Americans that saw (and treated us) as less than. Jackie, Joe, and Jesse were not a black mans black man though. At least not publicly. They were the white mans black men and while I completely understand the precarious line that they had to walk they lacked the intestinal fortitude of Muhammad Ali who made the conscious decision to be the black mans black man. Before him on the national sports scene there was none and sadly no such an athlete has come after him. Muhammad Ali’s embrace of his blackness was so real and so authentic that white people loved and respected him for it (the ones that did not hate him for it).

Michael Jordan is widely considered the GOAT in basketballcentric conversations. However he was as bad off the court about being a strong black man that took strong black stances as he was good at dominating the league over the span of his playing career. Michael Jordan was arguably a greater basketball player on the court than Ali was a boxer in the ring but his sheer cowardice as it pertained being a black mans black man exempts him from legitimately holding the GOAT title. Micheal Jordan was famously asked in 1990 to endorse a black man running for the US Senate by the name of Harvey Gantt. Gantt at the time was trying to unseat one of the most rabidly racist and regressive US Senators since reconstruction by the name of Jesse Helms (NC). Michael Jordan’s response to the endorsement request was “Republicans buy sneakers too”. MJ was the closest athlete to reaching the world wide recognition as Ali. Black America could have really used from MJ in the 80’s and 90’s the kind of unapologetic blackness that Ali gave to black America during his prime. He chose to do the opposite therefore he’s much closer to being a goat than the GOAT.

5. He is the father of rap music and by extension the hip-hop culture

DJ Kool Herc is the father of hip-hop. Muhammad Ali however is the father of rap. The only thing missing from the punch lines, similes and analogies inherent in his prophetic and poetic proclamations were bars and hooks. The precocious and braggadocios rhymes that Ali spit was primordial hip-hop. In fact it was hip-hop (LL Cool Jay) that actually coined the acronym GOAT. And while LL is not the GOAT he is Ali. Jay Z is Ali, Ice Cube is Ali. Scar Face is Ali.Biggie was Ali, Tupac was Ali. Fuck being like Mike, Be like Ali. The one and ONLY GOAT.

The 4 Block Buster deadline Trades That No One Is Talking About

The NBA trade deadline came and left last week with little to no hoopla, fanfare, or late breaking news of any kind of three team swap changing the predictable balance of power in either conference. It’s been something of a downer for us fans of the game that like just a little bit of drama to go with our hoops. However, in lieu of Kevin Love not becoming a Celtic, Laker or Clipper; despite Carmelo having a no trade clause in his contract and irrespective of the fact that Dwight Howard & James Harden are married at the hip for at least the remainder of the season there still were some really block busting trades consummated at the 11th hour of last weeks NBA’s trade deadline. The ~~NBA~~ NRA (National Racial Association) quietly announced four huge trades.

The Fine Print

The NBA collective bargaining agreement states that in every trade the two parties being traded must be within 125% of each other salary wise. Since the NRA does not track the salaries of those on the trading block the formula that they use to remain in compliance with the collective bargaining agreement are the professions (or lack there of) of their trade prospects. So for an example if I was the sole arbiter of what was and was not a fair trade I would gladly trade Dr. Ben Carson for the Puppy Monkey Baby. Only problem with that is the fact that Dr. Ben Carson is a world renowned neurosurgeon and the Puppy Monkey baby a prop from a Super Bowl commercial. The Puppy Monkey Baby maybe a bit more cogent and capable of carrying on an adult conversation but it’s hardly enough to compete with a guy that has on his resume the separation of Siamese twins conjoined by the noggin-even if that guy is a certified loon. So it goes without saying that such a trade would not be approved by the Association. So much to the chagrin of the Black delegation Dr. Carson will remain a part of the black community for the foreseeable future. The good news for the black delegation however is they did find trading partners for four other blacks that have long been considered to overstayed their welcome in the community and in need of having their respective black cards revoked. I’m certain that most would agree with the following deals that were most recently agreed upon before the trade deadline.

NRA Trade Number One: Stacy Dash for Gary Owens

You don’t have to be the GM of the Lakers or Celtics or be the next coming of Jerry West for this deal to have been your brain child. This particular trade comes straight out of No Brainerville. Two B-C rated actors that are already comfortable in the others skin (figuratively and literally) and seamlessly able to traverse cultures and code switch their way right up into the family. Stacy Dash went from being a video vixen extraordinaire serving as eye candy to inner city generation X’ers with hip-hop proclivities to Fox News’s resident coonologist and eye candy for angry white ammo-sexual baby boomers. She’s been on the trading block since at least 2012at least 2012. Her decision to resurrect her faint relevance as one of the resident Fox News Coontributors specifically hired to assuage the guilt and placate the fragile feelings of the Networks Salty white Tear dripping viewership. Just did not sit well with the home team. The straw that broke the camels back though was her latest viral diatribe after being invited on the Fox & Freinds to opine on the #oscarssowhite controversy

STEVE DOOCY: What do you think about this?

STACEY DASH: I think it’s ludicrous.

STEVE DOOCY: Why??

STACEY DASH: We have to make up our minds. Either we want to have segregation or integration. And if we don’t want segregation, then we need to get rid of channels like BET and the BET Awards and the Image Awards where you’re only awarded if you’re black. If it were the other way around, we would be up in arms. It’s a double standard.

STEVE DOOCY (HOST): So you say there shouldn’t be a BET channel?

DASH: No, I don’t think so. No. Just like there shouldn’t be a Black History Month. You know? We’re Americans. Period. That’s it.

DOOCY: Are you saying there shouldn’t be a Black History Month because there isn’t a white history month?

DASH: Exactly. Exactly.

She could not be any more clearer about want g out off of Team Blackness with that mindless missive. Not since Latrell Spreewell choked PJ Carlisimo in practice way back in 1997 has a player been so undisguised about wanting to be traded.

For Gary’s part he celebrated being traded to the black community just as you would expect a black person to do. He took to the Gram…

Welcome to the fam G!

NRA Trade Number Two:Jason Whitlock for Dave Zirin

With such a huge dearth in black journalism and the black perspective being bantered in the ether to compete with and combat mainstream media bias and mind manipulation it’s a shame that we have to put one of the more successful and widely read and regarded black sports writers on the market. But when the opinions you posit present more poison to the problematic nature of post Fairness Doctrine specious and pernicious journalism as opposed to being an elixir to such a societal malady then you really have worn out your welcome and need to cease being a Journalist in Black Face. We are better off with you being on another team because a black face postulating white supremacist thoughts and codifying the inexplicable angst of a large swath of AmeriKKKa is actually worse than it is coming from your typical AM side of the dial angry white talk show host. . As a sports writer Jason Whitlock has been largely able to fly under the radar as it pertains to offering an opinion on the germane issues of the day. But on those rare occasions that he’s asked or tasked with taking on issues of equality, intersectionality, and/or oppression nine times out of ten he’s going to offer a convoluted quip that Ted Nugent would be proud to re-tweet.

Dave Zirin on the other hand has long used his pen as a sword for social justice and equality. Not just for black people but all oppressed, neglected and disaffected people around the globe. He’s penned several books that delve deep into the heart of the pertinent issues of the day from a high minded and holistic perspective. The John Carlos Story and Game Over are just two of the many books that he’s authored that I recommend as a great reads…

More recently these two contemporary sports writers had the prime opportunity to opine on the same issue tackling intersectionality in a sports related kind of way and their opinions could not have been any more divergent. By now everyone is aware of Beyonce’s Super Bowl Performance where homage was paid to The Black Panther Party, victims of police brutality and mis-conduct as well as the LGBT community. The overall message was one that was about love and they went to great lengths to say as much.

But…

…that obviously was not universally interpreted and understood and our latest trading partners could not have crystallized any better how differently the message in the music of the Super Bowl Half-Time show has been conveyed.

Jason Whitlock on Beyonce’s performance:

Beyonce, why are you bringing this rebellion to a sporting event? This is an event that all of America comes together, 100 million people around America and throw Super Bowl parties, we come together across economic and racial lines and it’s all just one good time and the players … represent all these great things in America. … Probably not appropriate for the Super Bowl. It’s just not that type of event.

If you want to send a message, if you want to pander to social media and Twitter, if you want to extend your brand by involving yourself in controversy, [then] what Beyonce did was absolutely brilliant. You listen to the song’s lyrics, there’s no real rebellion in it. None.

“So I can see how the NFL got fooled by this. They listened to the song, and there’s nothing to it. There’s no tribute to the Black Panther party or any real shots at Hurricane Katrina or anything like that in the actual lyrics of the song. You have to watch the video to get the rebellion. She didn’t release the video until the day before the Super Bowl. So I could see how the NFL got caught off-guard.

When you tie the whole thing together, Beyonce snuck in some subversiveness that has put her in the center of controversy and has enhance her and Jay-Z’s brand. They had been getting beaten up in social media by the Black Lives Matter movement, that ‘You don’t support us,’ ‘You’re not down with this movement,’ blah blah blah . . . Beyonce pulls off this publicity stunt and now she’s all good with the social-media crowd and the people involved with Black Lives Matters.

“It’s all just a game and a fun marketing tool for Beyonce. They’ll make more money out of this and enhance their brand. But they’ve also set off some divisiveness in America, and that’s what’s disappointing to me.” ~ Jason Whitlock

One thing we know for sure the homie Jason Whitlock has no qualms about telling us how he really feels. On the flipside neither does Dave Zirin as he penned a piece entitled In Defense of Beyonces Black Panther Tribute At the Super Bowl for The Nation. In it he goes on to say:

A whole hell of a lot of people on Fox News and in the right-wing sewers of the Internet have lost their damn minds. I am not going to link to the statements, ranging from the historically ignorant to the unabashedly racist, because that’s their game. But I will say that if you are comparing the Black Panthers to the KKK, like one police sergeant did on Facebook, you are only proving that the extent of your historical knowledge is what some asshole said on Twitter. It’s like “comparing Adolf Hitler to Richard Pryor because they both had mustaches.”

Yet despite the right-wing noise, Beyoncé’s performance has created space for a real conversation about the Black Panthers, beyond the caricature. It is a chance to get people to see the recent Stanley Nelson PBS documentaryVanguard of the Revolution or read The Black Panthers Speak or Seize The Time or any number of books. Just to give one example, the most illustrative, politically textured Panther memoir in my humble opinion is My People Are Rising by Seattle Black Panther Party founder Aaron Dixon. When Dixon’s book was released in 2012, I pushed people to read it on social media and among friends and was met with a tepid response. After Beyoncé’s performance, I went back and recommended it again. The reaction was off the chain.

Being in the Bay Area this week has also opened my eyes to another part of what made Beyoncé’s halftime performance matter. There are people here who have dedicated their lives to fighting police brutality—most recently in the form of the killing of Mario Woods—and for the rights of the homeless to not be treated like collateral damage of gentrification. They wanted the Super Bowl to be an opportunity to spotlight these issues for the country. Instead, they were met with a smothering police presence, indifferent media, and an NFL occupation that made swaths of their city resemble the Green Zone in Iraq. ~ Dave Zirin

It’s pretty clear from reading the thoughts of these two sports journalist that hearing more of the latter and less (a whole lot less) of the former would be sort of a good thing.

NRA Trade Number Three:Darnell Earley for Tim Wise

Most people don’t know who Darnell Earley is but I’m certain that they know his work. Darnell Earley is the Emergency City Manager that was put in place by Governor Rick Snyder to run the city of Flint. There’s really not much else to say about this son of a bitch ass coon. He played a major part in poisoning the drinking water of an entire city full of lower middle class, poor black, brown and white people. He was then promoted to head the Detroit Public Schools to put the final nails on that coffin before his previous dastardly deeds came back to haunt him and he was forced to resign due to the mess that he co-created in Flint. He was essentially a black face hired to push a white supremacist agenda and he did a stellar job at it.

Tim Wise on the other hand has been one of the more formidable and unabashed white voices against racism and prejudice in American society for the last 10 years. He’s nothing short of an ally in the fight against white supremacy so this one again was pretty much a no brainer.

NRA Trade number four:The Congressional Black Caucus for the Congressional Progressive Caucus

The CBC’s recent endorsement of Hillary for the democratic nomination over the much more progressive (and trustworthy) Bernie Sanders was rather disappointing. It however was not enough of a reason to put the CBC who has long been known as the conscience of the Congress on the trading block . The unconscionable and inexplicable reasons that the leadership gave for their endorsement is actually why they have been offered up for the kinder, gentler and much more socially aware Congressional Progressive Caucus. It’s hard to begrudge Congressmen John Lewis and Congressman James Clyburn for endorsing a person who has helped their PERSONAL ambitions in maintaining their congressional seats by allowing some of the unmitigated and untraceable big money that flows through their coffers to trickle into their own respective campaign war chests. However when they conflate someone being able to help them personally with actually doing the same for the black community, the masses the have supported them for the last 40 years have every right to take umbrage with their reckless word choice on their already questionable endorsement.

Now don’t get me wrong. Someone simply doing what was right in 1963 or whatever year it was that Bernie Sanders marched for equality or was arrested at a sit in does not automatically earn the black vote in 2016. However dismissing his involvement in the Civil Rights movement because you are supporting someone was on the opposite end of the historical and ongoing fight for justice is rather dubious.Take for instance John Lewis’s response to a reporter asking him about Bernie Sanders well documented dalliance with the Civil Rights movement during his college years:

Well, to be very frank, I’m going to cut you off, but I never saw him, I never met him. I’m a chairman of the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee for three years, from 1963 to 1966. I was involved in the sit-ins, the freedom rides, the March on Washington, the march from Selma to Montgomery, and directed their voter education project for six years. But I met Hillary Clinton. I met President Clinton.”~ Congressman John Lewis

Lets parse that statement real quick. He is implying one of two things both of which are nonsensical.

A: he’s either implying that he knew Hillary and Bill from being supporters of Civil Rights some 50 years ago.

He’s implying that he’s never in his life met Bernie Sanders. Both statements are patently false. His statement was a conflation of facts. When you have to resort to that kind of double speak to justify endorsing a person then you deserve all the back lash that comes your way (as it did) to force you to eat your errant word play (which he did). Quite naturally he took a lot of criticism from corners of the political and social movement world that are in most cases reticent when it comes to critiquing elders from the civil rights time period. Predictably he was compelled to walk back his aggressive response to the innocuous query:

I was responding to a reporter’s question who asked me to assess Sen. Sanders’ civil rights record. I said that when I was leading and was at the center of pivotal actions within the Civil Rights Movement, I did not meet Sen. Bernie Sanders at any time. The fact that I did not meet him in the movement does not mean I doubted that Sen. Sanders participated in the Civil Rights Movement, neither was I attempting to disparage his activism. Thousands sacrificed in the 1960s whose names we will never know, and I have always given honor to their contribution…If you take a look at a transcript of my statement, you will find I did not say that I met Hillary and Bill Clinton when I was chairman of SNCC in the 1960s. My point was that when I was doing the work of civil rights, led the Voter Education Project and organized voter registration in the South in the 1970s, I did cross paths with Hillary and Bill Clinton in the field. They were working in politics, and Bill Clinton became attorney general of Arkansas in the 1970s as well. That began a relationship with them that has lasted until today~ John Lewis (mea culpa)

The double speak did not end there. Both he and congressman Clyburn both denounced the idea of free college. They said that such a thing sends the wrong message. Here are two men particularly in the case of John Lewis that purport to carry the torch of Dr. Martin Luther King and his fight for economic equality sounding like Paul Ryan when it comes to evening the playing field in a most fundamental way. It was only 8 years ago that Clyburn was denouncing the race baiting of Bill and Hillary in their nomination fight against Obama. Now he can’t stop extolling her virtues. Collegiality over conviction is what that amounts to. It’s certainly not egregious enough of an offense for an individual trade so both John Lewis, James Clyburn and every other member of the CBC (not named Mia Love or Tim Scott) are all on Team Blackness for life but as an organization in congress boasting the teams color and logo it’s time that we trade them in for a more forward leaning body in the House and Senate. Even before the CBC bet their black card on Hillary Clinton they have been slowly but surely losing their way and subsequently the right to be called the Conscience of the Congress. Just to illustrate a few of their more incorrigible misdeeds as a caucus the following list serves as exhibit A.

In 2014 Rep Alan Grayson (of the Congressional Progressive Caucus) introduced a Bill to put an end to the Pentagon siphoning their military grade weapons and equipment off to America’s already overzealous police forces. The measure failed and only 7 of 41 members of the CBC voted to for it.
They have in increasing numbers started to capitulate to the Wall Streets demands on regulating their blood sucking hood predators like Pay Day Loan and Rent-to-Own companies
In 2008 the CBC Foundation which had raised over $55 million dollars from 2004-2008 spent more on a lavish banquet for ($700,000) than they did in scholarships that they awarded.

Again. As individuals the CBC members have little to worry about as far as being traded but as a collective the Black Delegation can do much better so…

Decoding Sir Charles: An Open Letter to Charles Barkley

Dear Sir Charles,

Throughout your playing career and on through your post playing days into your second career as an NBA analyst you’ve always used your position in the media spot light to say what others were thinking but afraid to say (for better and worse). That’s one of the attributes that I and many others have always enjoyed about you and moreover one of the main reasons why you’re employed to opine in the first place. Being an outspoken person myself I find it hard not to appreciate those who have the testicular fortitude to wade into topical conversations that border the taboo. Your latest foray into controversial waters however leaves a whole lot to be desired. You were posited a question about what you thought of the UNSUBSTANTIATED reports out of the Seattle Seahawks locker room that Russell Wilson was not considered black enough by some of his teammates. Your retort to the rather loaded question was the greatest gift to Merica and the Tea Party Patriots that want their “country back” since their lord and Savior Ronald Reagan ruled the world…

“Unfortunately, as I tell my white friends, we as black people, we’re never going to be successful, not because of you white people, but because of other black people. When you’re black, you have to deal with so much crap in your life from other black people. It’s a dirty, dark secret; I’m glad it’s coming out. It comes out every few years. I wrote a big chapter it in my book about it to be honest with you. I said that when young black kids when they do well in school the losers kids say ‘oh you’re acting white’ the kids who speak intelligently they tell them that they are acting white. So it’s a dirty dark secret in the black community–one of the reasons why we are never going to be successful as a whole is because of other black people and for some reason We are brainwashed to think that if you’re not a thug or an idiot you’re not black enough– if you go to school make good grades speak intelligent and don’t break the law you’re not a good black person. It’s a dirty dark secret Anthony. I heard Stephen A talking about it. It ah um(inaudible jive) I hate to bring white people into our crap but as a black person we all go through it when you’re successful. One of the reasons a lot of black players go broke is because when you’re successful your friends say “oh you ain’t cool’ or ‘you ain’t down no more’ then you end up giving all your money to these damn losers and going broke again. But it’s a dirty dark secret in the black community that a lot of black people who are unintelligent who don’t have success is best to knock successful black person down with their intelligence they speak well they do well school and they are successful uh I mean think about it… its crabs in the barrel. I mean we’re the only race that tells people if you don’t have street cred, that means that been arrested. Like that’s a compliment. We are the only ethnic group that says ‘hey if you go to jail that give you street cred’ that’s the typical bs that goes on when you’re black man. Don’t waste a lot of time on it please because it’s just so um (inaudible)- Russell Wilson has a-Uh I don’t know Russell Wilson , I met him and said hello but just because he studies the play book all the time and does not go out clubbing and things like that I guess some of the other players–(more inaudible jibber jive)you see what happened with Percy Harvin they wanted him to do crazy things but he did not want to do them ~Charles Barkley

I’m not sure if it’s because you were once my favorite player or if I feel bad about the fact that your subjects and verbs remain in perpetual fight mode every time you open your mouth, But I feel an extra level of patience with you and your latest respectable negro diatribe. So much so that I’m writing this open scribe with the hope that you might read it and learn a thing or two about black people since you are obviously disconnected. Due to the non-nuanced highly conflated and context-less nature of your soliloquy it’s almost impossible to do a point by point repudiation so I’m just going to leave a few points for you to ponder based on some of what you mumbled during your radio interview on Afternoons with Anthony Gargano and Rob Ellis.

Points to ponder

1.”Unfortunately, as I tell my white friends, we as black people, we’re never going to be successful, not because of you white people, but because of other black people. When you’re black, you have to deal with so much crap in your life from other black people. It’s a dirty, dark secret; I’m glad it’s coming out. It comes out every few years” ~ CB

First and foremost unintelligent whites have done far more damage to the black family’s plight (and their own)than unintelligent blacks ever could. It was unintelligent whites that championed, voted to keep and even fought and died to preserve the system of chattel slavery. This is despite the fact that free slave labor meant less jobs for them and all but eliminated them as competition for the plantation owning elites within their agrarian industry. It’s unintelligent whites who have voted to keep segregation and disenfranchisement of blacks in place, unintelligent whites are the ones that voted for all of these wars that we are still in the midst of–even though it would be them and their progeny dying and not the “intelligent white men” that ordered these wars. It was unintelligent whites that voted for Bush and Cheney despite their looting of the national treasury. Unintelligent whites knew that Dick Cheney left the CEO’s seat at Halliburton to become the Vice President of the United States but those same unintelligent white folks never questioned the no bid tax payer funded contracts in the billions and those same unintelligent white men not even ten years later have zero recollection of their culpability when discussing the trillions in debt that their guys dug this country in. And just like yourself those unintelligent white folks are blaming the black guy and the minority black population that supports him.

2. “I wrote a big chapter it in my book about it to be honest with you. I said that when young black kids when they do well in school the losers kids say ‘oh you’re acting white’ the kids who speak intelligently they tell them that they are acting white”~ CB

WTF is a big chapter in the first place? Did you mean to say a fairly large chapter? Second of all why would you dedicate such a “big chapter” of your book to such an outdated and debunked stereotype? Ever since I was in grade school being dumb or being in special ed was never a cool thing. I also find it funny that you would broach the topic of speaking improper English–have you ever heard yourself speak? You have the diction of a run away slave and you are talking about blacks berating other blacks and calling them white just because they know how to speak? C’mon Chuck! You coined the word “Turrable” dude– you should have known better than to go there.

3.”It’s crabs in the barrel. I mean we’re the only race that tells people if you don’t have street cred, that means that been arrested. Like that’s a compliment. We are the only ethnic group that says ‘hey if you go to jail that give you street cred’ that’s the typical bs that goes on when you’re black man.”~CB

Were we crabs in the barrel when we were paying $120 for your CB34 Nike basketball shoes? Were we crabs in a barrel when we bought your jersey and the myriad other products that you were hired to be the pitch man for? Speaking of crabs in a barrel did it ever dawn on you that a barrel is not necessarily a crabs natural habitat or environment? Crabs in a barrel are essentially headed for slaughter–how are they supposed to act? By likening black people to crabs in a barrel you are acknowledging the precarious position that black people are in while at the same time blaming them for the actions of those that are oppressing them or sending them to slaughter. Also when you threw that 5 foot 2, 110 pound man through a plate glass window and resisted arrest way back in 1997, were you trying to get your street cred up or nah? How about the time you got that DUI charge 2008–you know the one where you told the arresting officer “You want the truth?..I was gonna drive around the corner and get a blow job”.

4. “Don’t waste a lot of time on it please because it’s just so um (inaudible)- Russell Wilson has a-Uh I don’t know Russell Wilson , I met him and said hello but just because he studies the play book all the time and does not go out clubbing and things like that I guess some of the other players–(more inaudible jibber jive)you see what happened with Percy Harvin they wanted him to do crazy things but he did not want to do them”~CB

This last part makes your cringe worthy rant all the more dubious. You don’t know Russell Wilson, you never said more than hello to the guy, these unsubstantiated reports come out and you take the rumor and run with it. You have zero insight into what’s going on in the Seattle Seahawk locker room. Your dearth of knowledge as it pertains to the black community is even greater. The more that I think about it I I’m inclined to believe that with your knowledge and consent Anthony Gargano and Rob Ellis purposely and specifically sought you out to convey this kind misguided missive to their mostly white audience to assuage and placate their guilt so they could comfortably embrace the faux post-racial times that we live in. I can understand this sort of House Nigger behavior coming from the nominally talented black folks like Stephen A Smith and Don Lemon but you are part of the 1 percent. And by 1 percent I am not referring to your bank account. I’m referring to the god given athletic prowess that enabled you to be the success story that you are. You should not have to stoop to such great levels to curry favor with white America. You’re a hall of famer for Christ Sake stop acting like Felicia and channel your inner Bill Russell.

Bye man!

The SPA’s (Side Piece Awards): The Top 10 Side Pieces to throw a monkey wrench in a Playa’s Game

1 One day Samson went to Gaza, where he saw a prostitute. He went in to spend the night with her. 2 The people of Gaza were told, “Samson is here!” So they surrounded the place and lay in wait for him all night at the city gate. They made no move during the night, saying, “At dawn we’ll kill him.” ~ Da Bible (Judges 16:1-2)

Ever since the days of the Old Testament women have been able to entice, seduce and otherwise cajole men of great power and influence in to squandering both power and influence within the span of a 24 hour news cycle–long before the advent of the 24 hour news cycle. Samson’s super natural extraordinary strength that he got from his locks was suffice enough to escape the precarious position that his patronage of the original profession placed him in. However, as with most men with a proclivity for side piece action, Samson would keep going back to the well where his luck eventually ran out. The good book goes on to say:

4 Some time later, he fell in love with a woman in the Valley of Sorek whose name was Delilah. 5 The rulers of the Philistines went to her and said, “See if you can lure him into showing you the secret of his great strength and how we can overpower him so we may tie him up and subdue him. Each one of us will give you eleven hundred shekels[a] of silver~ ~~LeBron~~King James (16:4-5)

And so began the precedent of the infamous side piece take down.

Over the years there have been countless men of great stature that went out like Humpty Dumpty due to their inability to resist the periphery. The following 10 examples are what I call modern day Delilahs. Side chicks with a mission to seek, exploit (while being exploited) and destroy. Sometimes it’s a conscious fully cognizant effort and sometimes they are just as oblivious to the inherent destruction that they leave in their wake as the sad saps that sheepishly fall prey to their fine art of seduction, so without further ado I present you in the top 10 side pieces to ever throw that monkey wrench in a playa’s game (from least to greatest)

10. Karrine Steffans

Now Ms. Steffans makes this list more so due to the quantity of dudes that she played side piece to than the quality (for lack of a better word) of life, power or fortune that she stripped from them by becoming the albatross that side pieces often morph into. She did however pen a salaciously embarrassing tell all that had to at least bring a little discomfort to her part time bed buddies. So in the absence of quality here is her quantity –along with the superlatives she tagged her desperadoes with:

Ja Rule (called wifey dumb), Ice-T(sugar daddy), Shaq (sugar daddy) , Bobby Brown(junkie) , Usher (jerk), Puffy (on the down low), Xzibit (down low) Juelz Sanatana (hair puller) Young Buck (her favorite trick), Jay Z (hard to look at), Pusha T (chronic bad breath) Trick Daddy (energetic), Mos Def (chronic bad breath) Too Short (Too talkative) Q-Tip (asshole), Mase (asshole), Wyclef (bad breath).

While I’m certain most of the aforementioned did not skip a beat in so far as their climb to success in their industry, they at least had to deal with the side eyes of their respective wives and committed lovers when it was revealed that they too were dipping in community booty and being made props to sell crappy books. Not a good look–even for a rapper.

9. Amy Fisher

This is another one where a sensationalized story was more of an impetus to this becoming fodder for new reporters and gossip columns than an actual down fall of a man who gambled it all on a piece of ass and lost. In fact one could argue that the Long Island Lolita as Ms Fisher was so infamously called helped pluck Joey Buttafuoco from from obscurity and for a time made the guy a quasi celebrity. Though he will always where the crown of being a cradle robbing teen stalker since Amy was a 17 year old student when he decided to side piece her. But what really earns her a spot on the SPA list is the attempted murder charge she got for trying to kill her back seat lovers wife by knocking on her door and shooting her in the face. Way to pick’em Joey!

8. Rasheeda Moore

Rasheeda Moore was a 38 year old former model and cover girl when her name became synonymous with the phrase “THE BITCH SET ME UP”.

After a series of run ins with the law (from DC to LA )the FBI approached Ms. Moore to aide and abet them in their quest to take down current Ward 8 council member and former DC Mayor Marion Barry– and boy did she deliver. While the good Mayor was busy trying to get some ass his side piece Ms Moore was busy trying to save some ass–her own. She damn near shoved the pipe down his throat (while he was trying shove pipe somewhere else)and he might have gotten to hits of the crack before the FBI busted in and cock blocked him out of both the crack rock and the ass crack that he originally came to the Vista hotel for in the first place.

Now a mayor of a major city and capitol of the United States, getting caught with a crack-pipe in his mouth, set up by his side piece (in conjunction with the FBI) would normally be enough to win the SPA or at least rank closer than spot number 8, but luckily the DC voters are extremely forgiving and even more forgetful because a mere four years later they voted to re-elect him marking one of the most fascinating political comebacks of the 20th century.

One a side note: If the voters in Toronto are half as magnanimous as the ~~pitiful~~ merciful voters in the District of Columbia (circa 1999) than the Rob Ford re-election team has good reason to be optimistic.

7. Ashley Dupre

The Village Voice dubbed her the most famous hooker in America after it had been revealed that then New York Governor Elliot Spitzer was paying out of the wazoo for side booty (upwards to $5,500 per hour). Ms Dupre in this case inadvertently helped push Spitzer off of his perch when those massive wire transfers to the Emperors Club (the escort service that employed Ms Dupre) triggered an FBI investigation. The Governor went on to resign from office in shame. However the real shame is the fact that he raised the price of tricking to such a ridiculous figure. $5,500 an hour? If that was the cost for all side action the world would be free of infidelity.

6. Monica Lewinsky

Unlike Ms Dupre Ms Lewinsky’s take down of her king of the hill seemed much more premeditated. Now a 50 year old leader of the free world sleeping with a 22 year old intern is just bone deep dumb. No excuse for the lower chamber over ruling the upper chamber on that one. That being the case to go to such lengths as to preserve a semen stain on her dress after a job well done at least to me denotes a woman with a motive. Even if she was devoid of ulterior motivation her damage was pretty significant–at least it was 20 years ago. She helped get a sitting president impeached. She would actually be higher on this list had not he been able to remake his public image to the point that he can garner 250K plus per speaking engagement. But she seems not to be done…

Monica and her sordid tales from the 90’s have recently been resurrected. First via a Rand Paul mention and more recently via her own volition as she penned a piece for Vanity Fair. Her re-introduction to public life is as curious as Rand Paul’s invocation of her name was dubious. And she came back with an attitude and vengeance with scorn for everyone from Beyonce to the feminist movement all the way back to the woman whose husband she borrowed 20 years ago. This is what she had to say about Hillary…

“Yes, I get it…Hillary Clinton wanted it on record that she was lashing out at her husband’s mistress. She may have faulted her husband for being inappropriate, but I find her impulse to blame the Woman — not only me, but herself — troubling.”~ Monica Lewinsky

So let me get this straight. You give fellatio to the woman’s husband, preserve the DNA evidence on your dress for proof– then when it becomes a headline story and the shit hits the fan you’re mad at the woman you wronged?

Monica sounds like she’s arrested in her development. She’s still that same little chubby 22 year old blonde brunette playing hide and ~~suck~~ seek under the executive desk in the oval office. Nothing else makes sense to me.

5. Rachel Uchitel

Tiger was on top of the world before the first of his many dalliances outside of his marriage began to unearth themselves. He had just come off winning his 14th major (the Australian Open) and had Jack Nicholas’s 18 majors record firmly insight because up until that fateful day in November of 2009 when wifey went HAM on him and his Escalade, From 1999 to 2008 not one year had gone by without Tiger winning at least one major–he has not won a single major since Ms Uchitel among other mistresses came to light. I imagine Jack Nicolas is celebrating with the 1972 Dolphin’s team. His record is at least as safe as theirs so long as omnipresent side piece remain in existence.

4. Mark O’Donnell

Before there was such thing as a Jersey Bridge-Gate there was a Jersey Bi-Gate. Who said that side piecery was only reserved for females? This particular man on man tryst cost the New Jersey governor his political career. Too bad that he was not a black athlete–in which case all he’d have to do was hold a press conference declaring his true sexual proclivities. If that were the case he’d be more hero than goat. Thank god for “black privilege” huh? Just kidding.

3. Donna Rice

If I said the name Gary Hart you’d likely say, “Gary who?” The reason why he’s less prominent in the history books is due to the woman sitting on his lap–or the paparazzi that snapped the now infamous Presidential campaign ending photo.

In 1988 Gary Hart was far ahead of the democratic pack when his long rumored infidelity finally came to light. Within weeks his campaign and poll numbers took a nose dive. He went from being the sure shot democratic nominee to lagging behind even Jesse Jackson for said nomination. When you have less hope than Mr. Keep Hope Alive you are officially dead in the water and that just what happened to Harts presidential aspirations. So while Donna Rice may seem like a rather obscure name, in order to fully understand her historical impact and moreover her SPA ranking one must grasp the counter-factor of what would have been.

2. Rielle Hunter

John unlike Gary had no chance of winning the democratic nomination the year that the National Enquirer caught him with his hand in the cookie jar. He still however had substantial political clout when he gracefully bowed out of what essentially became a two person race to the nomination between Hillary Clinton and President Barack Obama. In addition to losing ALL of his political capital for which he would have easily been able to parlay into a cabinet position (thereby keeping his presidential ambitions alive) he lost his wife who was dying of cancer, the trust of his family and the public, and faced federal campaign violation charges for allegedly supporting his mistress and their forthcoming love child with donor money. He beat the case but the entire trial in error only served one purpose and that was to permanently bury the reputation and political aspirations of a man who in 2000 came within a hanging chad of becoming the vice president . His once very bright and limitless political future has been relegated to one of histories myriad foot notes of would have, could have should have…

and the SPA award winner is…

Now before we present the SPA (side piece award)winner allow me, or rather the Good Book to further expound on what happened with our boy Samson :

6 So Delilah said to Samson, “Tell me the secret of your great strength and how you can be tied up and subdued.”

7 Samson answered her, “If anyone ties me with seven fresh bowstrings that have not been dried, I’ll become as weak as any other man.”

8 Then the rulers of the Philistines brought her seven fresh bowstrings that had not been dried, and she tied him with them. 9 With men hidden in the room, she called to him, “Samson, the Philistines are upon you!”But he snapped the bowstrings as easily as a piece of string snaps when it comes close to a flame. So the secret of his strength was not discovered.

10 Then Delilah said to Samson, “You have made a fool of me; you lied to me. Come now, tell me how you can be tied.”

11 He said, “If anyone ties me securely with new ropes that have never been used, I’ll become as weak as any other man.”

12 So Delilah took new ropes and tied him with them. Then, with men hidden in the room, she called to him, “Samson, the Philistines are upon you!” But he snapped the ropes off his arms as if they were threads.

13 Delilah then said to Samson, “All this time you have been making a fool of me and lying to me. Tell me how you can be tied.”

He replied, “If you weave the seven braids of my head into the fabric on the loom and tighten it with the pin, I’ll become as weak as any other man.” So while he was sleeping, Delilah took the seven braids of his head, wove them into the fabric 14 and[b] tightened it with the pin.

Again she called to him, “Samson, the Philistines are upon you!” He awoke from his sleep and pulled up the pin and the loom, with the fabric.

15 Then she said to him, “How can you say, ‘I love you,’ when you won’t confide in me? This is the third time you have made a fool of me and haven’t told me the secret of your great strength.” 16 With such nagging she prodded him day after day until he was sick to death of it.

17 So he told her everything. “No razor has ever been used on my head,” he said, “because I have been a Nazirite dedicated to God from my mother’s womb. If my head were shaved, my strength would leave me, and I would become as weak as any other man.” ~ The Good Book (Judges 6-17)

Let me let me put this biblical parable in a laymen perspective for those of you who played hookie from Sunday school. This dude Samson had not one, not two, but three clear cut signals from Delilah that she was in on the conspiracy to bring him to ruins. Yet and still he gave her the combination key to his life. That’s some Queen B shit for ya.

and the SPA winner is….

1. V. Stiviano

But I’m sure that you already knew this when you read the title. V. Stiviano cold went Sampson and Delilah on old man Donald. I mean never mind the two Bently’s, the Ferrari and the 1.8 million duplex that his wife is suing her to get back, that’s nothing. That’s not even enough for her to make the list, much less be number one on it.

Ms Stiviano of black and Hispanic heritage pulled off a feat that would make Delilah blush with pride. She got a rabidly racist tycoon to expound in the most visceral fashion on his profound and long rumored disdain for black people and other minorities as if she was not one herself. Her gangster is to be respected. She could probably teach classes on how to win in the side piece lane because while THOT’s be searching for ballers at All Star weekend she’s busy searching for the good fellas that actually pay the ballers. The V in V. Stiviano obviously stands for victory because she’s winning.

On a side note, it’s going to kill Donald Sterling to not be able to sit court side while his million dollar niggers are playing abd remain in contention for this years Larry O’Brien trophy. Many think that ultimately he’s winning because he’s about to make a one thousand percent profit on his 13 million investment. He’s not winning because he’s already a billionaire a couple times over and has completed no less than 95.3 percent of his lifespan which means that he can’t even spend the 2 billion that he already has in his coffers–he won’t even see the possible billion that he makes from the forced sale of his team due to all that older money in the way.

The day has finally come that his lowly, perpetual last place Clippers are playing for it all and he can’t even tune in TNT to watch them because he’s been so excommunicated from the game. Donald Sterling, thanks to V. Stiviano is the first person to ever have his NBA League pass revoked. The struggle is real for that cat. He might soon be worth 3 billion dollars but he’s still losing. Hell, even he’d tell you that much.

Damn you V! (in my Donald Sterling voice)

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