Cooncatagory #1 The CLARENCE THOMAS LIFETIME COONCHIEVEMENT AWARD
This award goes to the man/woman on Clubhouse who has contributed the most (in deeds and dictate) to tearing down the Black community for the express benefit of upholding white supremacy. This person will 12 out of 10 times side with the whites over the blacks—no matter what the issue is. They are perhaps the most despicable Coons that affect the culture because they honestly and truly hate Black people.
Cooncatagory #2 The UNCLE RUCKUS DON’T TRUST THOSE NEW NIGGERS OVER THERE
This award goes to the man/woman most skilled in scapegoating disaffected minorities for all that ails society. Particularly within the “black community”. This person is usually a cantankerous old person (or young person with an old ass decrepit soul) that has failed at the game of life and only seeks to find excuses for why it’s someone else fault that they’re a loser 😞. You will usually find this type of coon on Clubhouse dressing down Black immigrants using pseudo history that they pulled out of their ass or a bunch of other nonsense that they claimed to learn from their nana.
Cooncatagory #3 The HERMAN CAIN RIDE AND DIE AWARD
The Herman Can Ride AND Die award goes to Coon most likely to lay down his or her life to preserve the white supremacist construct. They would literally sign a waiver and/or NDA to protect their favorite white supremacists as they freely spread invective, misinformation and deadly viruses 🦠. This person loves white supremacy even more than their own family.
Cooncatagory #4 The STEVEN FROM DJANGO DON’T TOUCH MY MASSA, HIM BEEN GOOD TO ME AWARD
This award goes out to the Black man or woman on this app who will protect their massa at all costs. Well almost. Unlike the Herman Cain Ride AND Die award this sort of coon only rides the bus 🚌 until the wheels fall off. At which point they hop off and either falls in line with some other white supremacist benefactor. Or pretend that they were down with the blacks all along (lying with a straight face). They are the embodiment of the house nigger. For them it’s all about self preservation more than anything else. It’s evidenced by my favorite scene in Django when he told them to say bye to Ms Laura. Even though Stephen loved him some Candyman and he just finished watching his massa die, he was much more interested in fleeing than fighting. That’s typically how this type of coon moves on Clubhouse.
Cooncatagory #5 The TERRY CREWS GYM CROW IS NOT RACIST award.
Terry Crew Gym Crow Error Award goes to the type of coon that has more muscle 💪🏿 power than brain 🧠 power—even the ones that don’t have muscles. They typically apologize for the racism in our midst rather than challenging or even acknowledging it. When shown real-time blatant racism in society this type of coon sees no racism, hears no racism and feels no racism. Unless of course it’s a Black person “being racist”. You’d actually hear some of them say things like “Black people are the most racists people in America”. Their Twitter activity is also eerily similar to the following:
Cooncatagory #6 The VAN JONES CRY ME A RIVER award.
This award goes to the type of coon that whines incessantly while cooning hard. He or she lacks core convictions so they have a bi-partisan flow to their coonagraphy. One day you might catch them pushing or protecting a Democratic agenda and the next day you might catch them co-crying over some Republican nonsense. The one thing that’s consistent is the paper trail. This sort of coon is on a paper chase and in such their opines are subject to whichever way the money goes.
Cooncatagory #7 The WILLIAM O’NEIL COONINTELPRO PAID AGENT Award
This award goes to people/Clubs who have joined organizations and movements (on and off this app) that publicly purport to support Black people but secretly seek to divide and destroy real progress within said community. Some of them talk a very good game and are skilled in the art of double speak and bullshit rhetoric. Many are great orators actually. But upon interrogating their thoughts and motives it becomes crystal clear that J Edgar Hoover would have hired them. This type of coon is most certainly on the payroll of some nefarious clandestine white supremacist organization. You don’t even need the receipts to tell.
Cooncatagory #8 The KANYE WEST, SLAVERY WAS A CHOICE AWARD
This award goes to the Black man or woman that routinely blames Black people for the conditions that white supremacy created. They are often heard saying that white supremacy does not exist or that white supremacy is a mind set as opposed to a systematic structural impediment. The level of psycho babble that emanates when they go off mute 🤐 has the listener wondering 💭 what their IEP looked like through school. They consistently wade into topical conversations that they have absolutely no grasp of. On Clubhouse they simply repeat long debunked talking points, anecdotal stories (that others have told) and regular ass white supremacist propaganda. They are followers that look in the mirror and see a leader.
Cooncatagory #9 The BEN CARSON GIFTED HANDS BUT USELESS MIND Award
This award goes to someone who on the surface is seemingly bright. At least they should be according to their stated credentials. Then they unmic and make it painstakingly clear that their brain is like that egg on drugs from that commercial back in the day.
Cooncatagory #10 The Kevin Samuels/Tommy Sotomayor , damn I hate Black women award 🥇
This award goes to the Black man on this app who inexplicably ,incessantly and most consistently tears down Black women. You will see them on this app blaming Black women for everything from eating the apple in the garden of Eden to mass incarceration of Black men in America. The cause of all the world’s problems according to this person are Black women. Many of these dudes hate their mothers and/or don’t know their fathers. In their mind most single mothers became single mothers via immaculate inception. From their room titles to the banter in their spaces it’s nothing but toxic. Only therapy can help this type of coon to become well.
Cooncatagory #11 The Pink Pill I hate all Black men award. Even the good ones (because they don’t exist)
This award basically goes to the female counterpart of the ignorant Black women male haters. You will often hear them propagating terms like hypergamy and divestment to explain away their anti-blackness. At the end of the day they are jaded in ways that are far above my pay grade to diagnose.
Cooncatagory #12 The LARRY ELDER GIVE REPARATIONS TO MY MASSA SINCE I CAN’T BE HIS SLAVE ANYMORE
The LARRY ELDER GIVE REPARATIONS TO MY MASSA SINCE I CAN’T BE HIS SLAVE ANYMORE award goes to the Black man or woman who would literally vote to bring back chattel slavery because they feel like they secured space in the big house. Basically we are talking about people who are sad that they were born too late to be a house nigger. The Larry Elder Give Reparations To My Massa Since I can’t be his slave anymore type coon aspires to be the kind of coon that the Stephen From Django became. Minus the dead master of course.
Cooncatagory #13 THE I’M NOT BLACK I’M OJ OR WHATEVER Award
This award goes to the Black man or Black woman on this app that claims to be everything but Black while often times denying having any roots to Africa. They include nappy head and lace front Indians, aboriginal people, Moors, Israelites and all sorts of other goofy things that most of the people on this app never talked about before coming on here.
Cooncatagory #14 The African that was running for Governor that said Black history month should end but none of the people that bring him up seem to know his name award.
This award goes to the non-African American non ADOS Black person that are either domestic or abroad pushing white supremacist talking points and ideals. Sometimes they agree with American bred coons and sometimes they defer. Either way they share the same contorted worldview that has been highly tainted by white supremacist thoughts.
Cooncatagory #15 The Herschel Walker Run nigger Run Award
The Herschel Walker run nigger run award goes to Negropeon most skilled in the art of assuaging guilt and placating the fragile feelings of bigoted whites. They often tend to embody and accentuate the most negative stereotypes about Black men. Whether it be running faster into a brick wall for entertainment purposes, having multiple babies from multiple women (and not taking care of them, or speaking fluent slave English this person checks all of the stereotypical tropes on the box. To the most racist white minds in America the Herschel Walker run nigger run award is the model Black American. Particularly if they can get this person to parrot their political and philosophical talking points Ad nausea.
Cooncatagory #16 the Tariq Nasheed All Black lives don’t matter award
This award goes to the Black person on this app most skilled in delineating blackness. In fact delineation is their favorite new word. This type of Coon often comes across as halfway intelligent until you give sufficient push back to their talking points. That is when you find out that this person is another black selling out to white supremacy.
Cooncatagory #17 The Chuck and Shaq Shuck & Jivers minstrel duo of the year award.
This award goes to the duo on this app that exists solely to entertain and assuage white people while simultaneously humbling (and humiliating) Black people. You will often hear these two in the most Buffon like fashion finger wave to Black people for the most minor infractions while forgiving the most egregious offenses of Black people by whites. This modern day Amos and Andy minstrel act usually works in tandem. Where you see Coon Frick you normally see Coon frack. So this particular Coonomination MUST be of two Clubhouse Coons that are most often mixed together and co-singners of each others constant Coonery.
Cooncatagory #18 The Stephen A Smith Jerry Jones is a good man award. Don’t nobody better say nothing bad about masa Jerry.
This award is similar to the Chuck and Shaq shuck and jivers of the year award except it’s a singular individual. This person again is bombastic, loud and proud about their overt defense of white supremacy. No excuse to too lame 😒 for this person when it comes to protecting whites racists. At the same time no explanation for why a Black person may come up short in any given scenario. You will usually find this sort of coon saying things like “white supremacy does not exist” or “Black people are as racist as white people”.
Cooncatagory #19 The Candace Owens Super Mammy I want to breast feed white babies 👶 for a living award.
This award basically goes to the female version of Cooncatagory #18. She like he will do and say anything to protect their white supremacist benefactors. Ask her about any infraction against Black people. From Trayvon Martin, to Ahmad Arbery to Sandra Bland and she will consistently land on the point that they are all responsible for the unfortunate events that claimed their lives. Racism or white supremacy will never be a conclusion of theirs.
Cooncatagory #20 The Heisman of Coonery. Also known as the Coon of the year also known as King/Queen Coom also known as the Ace Boon Coon.
The 2022 Heisman award of Coonery goes to the coon on this app that checked the most boxes of Coonery this past year. Meaning they displayed a healthy combination of characteristics from Cooncatagories 1 to 19.
There’s a strange new phenomenon taking root in a growing number of circles within our community. I like to call it the Nigga’s Rights movement. It’s a movement of brothers that incessantly bemoan all things superfluous–from why Ciara don’t want Future no more to why Kevin Samuels should be awarded the Nobel Peace prize. I really need you niggas to cut this goofy shit out because you are embarrassing the rest of us with the Ralph Tresvant Mr. Sensitivity routine. Kunta Kinte did not get his foot caught off trying to escape working the field from sun up to sun down so that you niggas some 200 years later can be on Beyonce’s internet from sun up to sun down whining about how Kizzy wears her hair. It’s self defeating behavior family.
It’s far above my paygrade to diagnose your depression and prescribe therapy so this is 100 percent free game. Get some fuckin therapy! Talk to your mom and dad. Have a conversation with your younger self and forgive yourself for not being cool enough to land the popular girls during your formative years. More importantly forgive the women that are outside of your reach and play in the lane that the cards of life dealt you. Every man ain’t going to land the video vixen “dime piece” that you see in your favorite rappers videos, nor is any man owed one. A lot of you niggas can actually pass for cool kids in your adult years if you simply shut the fuck up about the frivolous fuckery that you banter about day in and day out. The level of
carrying on Karening on that see on social media from Facebook to Clubhouse (and all apps in between) from some of you brothers is eerily similar to how a lot of white women act when they are faced with such oppressive sightings such as Black people barbecuing in the park, selling water on the street and other offensive actions like minding our black ass business. I’m noticing a growing nexus between the Black men that I’m speaking about and a lot of white women. Many White women want to end the system of patriarchy and misogyny but wish to keep in place systemic racism. The Niggas Rights movement seems to want to end racism but wishes to keep the pillars of patriarchy in place. Again, cut this goofy ass behavior out. It’s not getting us anywhere. Stop carrying childhood disappointments into adulthood. You niggas are arrested in development. Hug it out, cry it out. Whatever you do, keep that fragile fuck boy shit off of social media.
One more thing. Cut out all of that “I’m an Alpha Male” talk. First and foremost a real Alpha Male has no interest in engaging in the bitchy conversations that you niggletts engage in daily. More importantly being an “alpha male” is relative to where you are, who else is in the room and what metrics are being used to gauge ones Alpha dog. If your crying ass is in the room with Mike Tyson and the metric being used is who the last man standing would be in a 3 minute round of boxing, nigga you are nobody’s Alpha. Truth be told more than half of you petty ass petite niggas would not be alpha dogs if y’all were in a room full of many of the same Black women that y’all decry day in and day out. So for the sake of Black Jesus can y’all please stop this Nigcel behavior. I say this will love and sincerity. We are in a much larger fight against white supremacy. We need y’all catty asses to let go of y’all petty beefs with the sisters and join us in this fight verse our collective oppressor. Who knows, you may even impress that pretty girl that don’t notice or refuses to recognize you due to your penchant for punching down. Said with all love and sincerity.
A real Nigga 🤷🏿♂️Continue reading Open Letter to my Brothers (some of you niggletts)
Let me let you all in on a little secret. I’m talking about one of those Love Craft cosmic intergalactic travel type secrets. One of the reasons why 2020 seemed like the longest and most unbearable years since Jesus was merked and the dawn of the AD era began is because 2020 started five years ago in 2016. Real talk– we been on some real live Ground Hog’s Day type shit for four whole years. That’s why 2020 was such a never ending saga. No bullshit, it’s in the good book. Not the Bible, but the one that Atticus and nem was beefing over with that white lady/man.
The only thing that has been more consistent, persistent and perpetually disappointing to the culture than 2016-20 are those pesky mammals from the procyonid family (🦝). You see there are two pandemics wreaking havoc on and within the Black community. The COVID-19 outbreak which of course incubated in 2019 and gave us the Corona Virus and the lesser talked about COONVID-16 outbreak that took form in 2016 and ended up saddling us with the Coonrona Virus. Both have combined to raise the misery index of the Black community to epic levels. And while heard immunity, a vaccine and time will do away with one of these major maladies adversely affecting the culture, the other one shows no sign of going away. After all, their archetype has been around literally since the slave ships. I say all of this to say that being ever more vigilant about the ethos and intentions of our “cousins” in politics, media, arts & entertainment and anyone else with a modicum of influence is germane to our survival as a culture as well as our collective peace of mind. It is for this reason that we highlight annually the top purveyors of coonery for the year. It’s normally a top 10 list, but 2020 has been so coontastic that we have no choice but to expand it to 20. Even with 20 there will invariably be many coons that deserve to be on this list that will not make it. And for that I apologize. With out further ado I present the top 20 coons of 2020.
NUMBER 20. VANN JONES
I struggled with whether or not Vann should make this list. Not because he ain’t been coon tripping–clearly he’s had some major moments of coonery. But because the year 2016-20 has been so Coonified, by adding Jones there will invariably be coons out there well more deserving of the spot that will be either left off the list or relegated to mere honorable mention. He was added First and foremost to dispel the myth that black conservatives have a monopoly on coonery. They don’t. There are indeed liberal leaning black folks with coon like proclivities. In other words Cooning is a bi-partisan sport.
Maybe it’s the coffee at CNN maybe it’s the water in the water cooler. Whatever the cae may be Vann seems to be going through the same intermittent episodic bouts with coonery that Don Lemon struggled with years back before he grew his hair out, switched to a black barber and uncooned himself. The good news is Vann at worst is what we call a redeemable coon (as Don Lemon proved to be). He has not done or said anything that would warrant a permanent ban from the cookout or block party but he did book end his coon spree in a way that would make us remiss not to acknowledge and chide him for. The first was giving a teary eyed co-sign of Fuck Boy 45 after he managed to make it through his first State of the Union Speech by reading verbatim from the teleprompter with minable ad libs (never mind the speech was riddled with falsehoods and shameless campaigning) and the second being the more recent balling tears when the news media finally called the 2020 race in favor of Joe Biden. Again, not the worst coon act in the world, but this nigga needs to get it together.
Another reason why Vann Makes this list this year is the fact that he don’t know what IDFWPWFWPWIDFW means…
…So while even though he’s a redeemable coon, he gotta stay in the coon corner until he learns what the fuck IDFWPWFWPWIDFW means and adheres to the standard.
Number 19. President Obama
I know I know. How dare you call the first Black president a coon. Just so you know, it hurts me to have to add him to this list almost as much as it hurts some of you to read it. I never thought that we would have to add him to a list of such dubious distinction, but here we are. Now two things can be true. Barack Obama could be both the best president in modern history as well as a rather mediocre one–especially given who his predecessor and successor was. It was not exactly a high bar that he had to hurdle. But this is much less about Obama the president and much more about Obama the former president.
After Dumbo the 45th took his oath of office, aside from the occasional where’s Waldo type photos from vacay island on our social media timelines, or public appearances where Michelle would gross us out by eating candy from George Bush’s dirty ass sweaty palms, we did not see or hear much from our beloved first Black Family. It was not until Bernie Sanders looked as though he was headed towards the Democratic nomination did we begin hearing from this guy again. And I’m not necessarily mad at him for that– I get it. Joe is his boy who was his wing man of 8 years. And while it’s clear as day the former “community organizer” chose collegiality over community, if his meddling in the affairs of the people would have stopped there he does not make this list. Even with both he and Michelle Obama authoring books replete with residual smoke for Reverend Wright while all but erasing the disdain that they collectively shared with the people for the Bush crime family and other odious white supremacist elements in American politics that propelled him to the legacy he has today, he would not have made this list. The 19th addition to this years top 20 Coons list was actually an 11th hour addition. So as off putting as it may come across to call the first president a coon, he kind of earned it.
The movement to defund the police seems rather nascent but it’s actually part and parcel to the larger prison abolitionist movement that goes back at least 20 years. The idea gained rapid traction after George Floyd was lynched on camera for all the world to see. That moment along with the state sanctioned and state approved murders of Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Taylor the movement to defund the police picked up major steam. So much so that the Minneapolis city council voted to defund and disband the Minneapolis Police department– the very same department responsible for choking the life out of Floyd. It was eventually vetoed by the mayor but it forced the mayor to re-allocate 8 million dollars from the police departments 179 million budget while they negotiate further re-appropriations. The funds are to be steered towards programs that tackle mental illness and violence prevention. Now 8 million dollars may not seem like much and it really isn’t. But it’s 8 million more towards programs that enrich the community and 8 million less for one of the forces of destruction in the community. Moreover its 8 million dollars that they would not have had were it not for their threat to defund and disband. Who is President Obama or anyone else to tell that city council or that mayor that their decision was wrong? An even better example is the Camden model. In 2013 while Obama was still in office the Camden New Jersey Police department was disbanded over systemic abuse. They ended up rehiring most of the officers but they had to go through an extensive interview process that included a psychological evaluation–things that their union would have blocked had not the community voted to disband. And while the end results were not perfect, homicides have gone from 67 in 2012 to 25 in 2019. Excessive force complaints went from 65 in 2012 to 3 in 2019. Camden is a very poor city so overall crime rates are still high. Defunding and/or disbanding a police force in a given community will never equal perfection but what I does perfect is a strategy of removing police union bosses from the bargaining table when it comes to negotiating the health, safety and welfare of black and brown communities that they neither live in nor have love or empathy for. Make no mistake about it, the police unions are the immovable objects in the room as it pertains to police reform. On each and every policy prescription that anyone with a semblance of concern comes up with they block it.
Which brings us back to President Obama. For 8 years President Obama tried nicely to get the cops to stop killing black people. It did not work. They kept on killing us. For 8 years Obama tried to make it possible to enact more punitive measures for officers that murdered innocent unarmed Black people. That also did not work–they kept escaping justice and in many instances got their jobs back. That’s what makes Obama’s most recent comments regarding the call to defund the police so curious and frankly coonish. Here’s Obama on the question of defunding the police:
If you believe, as I do, that we should be able to reform the criminal justice system so that it’s not biased and treats everybody fairly, I guess you can use a snappy slogan, like ‘defund the police.’ But, you know, you lost a big audience the minute you say it, which makes it a lot less likely that you’re actually going to get the changes you want done..The key is deciding, do you want to actually get something done, or do you want to feel good among the people you already agree with? And if you want to get something done in a democracy, in a country as big and diverse as ours, then you’ve got to be able to meet people where they are. And play a game of addition and not subtraction.President Barack Obama
There’s so much wrong with what he said here. First and foremost it’s not about us being treated unfairly. It goes without saying that police treat many of the Black people that they encounter unfairly. But that’s not what’s driving the movement. It’s the fact that they continue to kill us with impunity. With all due respect to the former president there’s a sense of urgency that his flippant response is lacking. And that’s understandable because he will never have to worry about a 3 AM call from authorities letting him know that Sasha or Malia had to be killed because some white boy with a badge mistook their cell phone, purse or Subway sandwich for a gun, feared for his life and shot them down. But for us regular people the situation is much more dire. Another curious thing about his quixotic quip is he juxtaposed defunding the police with his moderate stance of getting things done. Here he’s comparing the growing movement to defund the police (something that is actually working where applied)to what he accomplished vis-à-vis police reform– ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING. And to be clear I don’t condemn Obama for getting next to nothing done in the area of abating police violence against Black people. For the most part I take him at his word when he said that his hands were tied and that’s why the killers of Tamir Rice, Mike Brown, Freddie Gray walked with not even a slap on the wrist. What I will not accept from Obama is him trying to tie the hands of others that refuse to have their hands tied or their power to effect change in the area of ending police brutality thwarted. His wayward words did just that. And don’t just take it from us at the Rant–Our favorite president ruffled quite a few feathers with his nonsense:
Now I’m not going to go as far as to say that Obama has been elevated for the express purpose of silencing black dissent but I will say that he was dispatched to do exactly what he did in that interview and that was to muddy a message that was gaining more and more traction around the country. The man that was dubbed the explainer in chief due to his uncanny ability to break down the complex but critically necessary in the most laymen terms could not find the time, words or energy to explain the myriad ways that a defunding of police departments and reinvesting in the communities could take form. The man that expertly explained why undocumented citizens should be allowed to get drivers licenses, why transgender students deserved to use the bathroom of their choice and why every able body in America needed to sign up for Obamacare or face a fine, found it too hard to break down what the term defund the police means. I’m sorry he has to do better than that. we deserve better than that. I take no pleasure in adding a man of Obama’s ilk to this list. If there were an African-American royal family it would be the Obamas. I want to love the Obamas as much as most people love them, but in all honesty I struggle sometimes to simply like them based on the auspicious start to their post presidency. If I could be a bug in the ear of the Obamas I would urge them to be much more like James and Rosalind and a lot less like William and Hillary. Their legacies would be much better off and so would the Black community.
NUMBER 18. JAMES CLYBURN
Representative James Clyburn is the quintessential Black gate keeper. That is the role that he plays for the democratic party. He’s the house majority whip whose main job is to whip black and brown voters into alignment with the corporate democratic establishment. He’s the wool over the eyes of the poor and middle class Black people in his district. His record of misrepresenting the interests of his most loyal constituents rivals only Mitch McConnell. The highly gerrymandered majority Black district that he
represents misrepresents has a median income of $35,000 per year. Pretty much the same median income that existed when he first walked into congress almost 30 years ago. Now of course that’s not all his fault but for whatever reason he does not think that Medicare for all, higher wages, and free tuition was something that they deserve because in 2016 and 2020 he opted to be the pillar behind the firewall that secured the nomination for both Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden, two candidates who stood staunchly against those measures because like Clyburn those industries funded their campaigns. But we have come to expect and frankly accept this sort of non-representation from some of the CBC members who claim to serve in the best interest of Black America. So that’s not what landed him on this list.
After the Democrat’s dismal performance in the 2020 house races where they lost upwards to 10 seats the party needed a scapegoat. Instead of being introspective and looking at their lack of messaging they trotted out their
kingmaker butler to serve up their lame excuse for futility on a platter and that’s just what Clyburn did. “Sloganeering” is the term that he used to ascribe the problem that beset their party. He said slogans were the reason why democrats running in red gerrymandered districts lost their re-election bids. In other words it’s because of chants like Black Lives Matter, Medicare for all, the Green New Deal and defund the police that white republicans voted for white republicans.
With American law enforcing from around the country recently storming the capitol to “take their country back” this interview sure did age badly. Unless of course you actually think that all of those yahoos that stormed the Capitol in defense of their republican president would have voted for the middle of the road democrat that lost their seat in congress to a congressional representative with Trumpian proclivities if only they would have never uttered the phrase “defund the police”. Except none of the Democrats that lost their races supported defund the police. They did not support the Green New Deal, Medicare for all and were pretty damn silent on the Black Lives Matter movement all together. Perhaps that’s why they lost. I digress…
Clyburn followed up this Angry Uncle Ruckus interview with an open letter entitled The Fake Fight Between Me and Cori Bush. Cori Bush is the only congressional candidate that ran on defunding the police and being as though she represents a district that includes Ferguson it’s an issue that obviously had resonance with the people of that community. In the short and brief open letter he says:
Like Ms. Bush, I began my political career as a protester. I met my late wife of 58 years during an incarceration that resulted from one of those protests. Although Emily and I almost always agreed on the purposes of our protests and political activism, we didn’t always agree on what approaches were best. We did agree that the slogan “burn, baby, burn” undermined our efforts and eviscerated political support we needed to succeed. That is my fear of the slogan “defund the police.” I get that it is a rallying cry and shouldn’t be taken literally. But it is being weaponized by sinister forces and is undermining the political efforts of some reliable political allies.
I prefer “reimagine policing” as a rallying slogan, but I am doing all I can to help Ms. Bush succeed. We are united in the goal of making desperately needed systemic changes to community policing.
Real cool story old man but that’s a lie. In essence he’s saying that the Black Power movement of the 1960’s was to the civil rights movement what defund the police is to the movements of today which for the most part is the movement to save Black lives and ensure that our lives have value. There’s so much overlap in that movement that it defies logic to erect such a false dichotomy. Defund the police is the next iteration of Black Lives Matter. Black Lives Matter was as toxic a term 6-8 years ago. Today it’s as ubiquitous as a Nike symbol.
The truth is there’s not a nice enough way to word police reform to get a man like James Clyburn on board because he is as beholden to the police unions as any blue blooded Irishman in congress. I know this for a fact. In 2014 then congressman Alan Grayson proffered an amendment (1033). The amendment had nothing to do with defunding the police. It was simply to halt shipments of military equipment and hardware to local police departments. Only 7 CBC members voted in favor of the amendment. James Clyburn was among The Treasonous 32 CBC members that voted against demilitarizing the police. I’m not here to convince you of the efficacy of the term defund the police I’m simply here to let you know that James “the Butler” Clyburn is lying to you about it playing a role in the Democrats dismal election day performance and more importantly he’s lying about why he is so vehemently against the term. He’s against the term because its the single biggest threat to the strangle hold that police unions have at the head of the table when negotiating the health and safety of his constituents. I’m sure he would rather these union bosses be more humane but he loves his leadership position too much to risk it for us. And for that he’s a coon.
Number 18. O’Shea Jackson
The former childhood actor (ya’ll know this dude never sold crack or gang banged) turned movie director, turned Big 3 creator, turned purveyor of viral bullshit, better known as Ice Cube was another 11th hour add. He leap frogged a lot of lames to make this list in 2020. Aside for his 2017 hit dud Arrest The President, Dede’s cousin has been radio silent about national politics and the whole presidential race that had been in full effect at least since 2018. So it came as a great October surprise when two months before the election he unearthed some contract with Black America that no black person that you or I know previously signed or approved of. So with the obviously forged contract in hand Dough Boy secretly met with Jarad Kushner to remix his father in-laws Platinum Plan for the Blacks–because everyone knows the blacks be liking platinum 🙄 . As one would expect, many of the Black people that Calvin was purporting to speak for had some questions. He did Roland Martin and other programs hosted by Black moderators where it became painstakingly obvious that his Contract with Black America was signed with the same pen used to sell the barbershop to Lester Wallace. In the face of being shown not only how fool hearted it would be to trust any promises made by Trump he was shown how much of the policy prescriptions in his “contract with Black America” was present not only in the policy pushes from Black Lives Matter and other activists that were on the ground shedding blood, sweat and tears in the streets for the last 4-8 years, they were also present in some of the 400 plus bills collecting dust on Mitch McConnell’s desk. When told of this, instead of humbly conceding to the points being made he took a defensive stance uttered some ADOScentric jibber jabber and doubled down on the dumb shit. The interview(s) was a disaster and as he continued doing media tours trying to sell us on his sell-out plan he got worse and worse. When asked how he felt about the Trump campaign using his plan and his name in tweets as an endorsement even though he never formally endorsed him, Calvin simply said “both parties do that”. When asked about Trump’s penchant for giving life and energy to white nationalism he said both parties were racist. He was even asked (by a white guy) about police brutality and Trump’s refusal to utter a single word to deter police from killing Black people with impunity and once again Mr. Fuck The Police was on that all in the same gang bullshit before making it known that he was still yet undecided on who he was voting for. The last sit down with The Queens was perhaps his most telling. I will not bore you with a synopsis of it but I did leave the clip for you to catch in its entirety on your own time (feel free to circle back when you’re done reading).
Luckily for Calvin Palmer Jr. (and us) Shade 45 was not re-elected. Had the interference play that he and other members of the hip-hop community were hired to run worked he would undoubtedly have fallen further down this list among the irredeemable coons. But if he keeps tweeting fuckery such as the following illustration, he will undoubtedly reach the point of no return.
Trump ain’t even paying his own legal team for his millions in legal fees. For CubeAnon to repeat such a falsehood for public consumption means one of two things. It means he was fully complicit in the Trump plan to curtail the black vote, or he got conned by the same conman that Elizbeth and nem got conned by…
Number 17. Terrance Williams
SEND THIS TO EVERY REPUBLICAN
If y’all don’t object to the fake election result then we will object to you being re-elected!
FIGHT FOR TRUMP OR WE WILL NEVER FIGHT FOR YOU AGAIN!!
**RT if you agree
Donald Trump is a certified grifter. That is a well know fact. Over and above the fact that he’s a grifter, his presidency has spawned a whole new level of coonery whereby the most random, mediocre Black faces feast off the crumbs from the table of a master grifter like himself in the most shameless fashion. We saw it first with Diamond & Silk. To these women’s credit they peeped game early and got in on the bonanza. “Comedian” Terrence K Williams is the 2020 version of Diamond & Silk. He, just like that Frick and Frack tandem are unabashedly in it for the money and I can’t fully blame these talentless twits for their low hanging fruit come ups because were it not for the Trump gravy train they’d likely qualify for the welfare programs that they decry. But I will call it what it is—COONING. The fact that a publishing house thought it prudent to market and distribute a book authored by this clown is proof enough. What the fuck is a foster house anyway? Either way, with Dumbo leaving the white house, I hope they still have beds for my dude because the grift is over for his type of coonery. I’m afraid the GOP will have to go back to their traditional stick (or whatever) up the ass Black Republicans that are much more bourgeoisie than bombastic with their political diatribes.
16. Terry Crews
While there are far more influential and frankly anti-black coons out here, Terry makes the grade for two reasons. First and for most for making this trash ass movie:
This movie was easily the worst made in 2020. It’s so bad that you almost want to watch it just so you can safely say that you watched the worst movie of the year. From the opening scene to the closing scene the shit got progressively worse. If Terry Crew’s mentality was summed up in a movie it would be that god awful John Henry. The other reason why he makes this list is due to his selective “wokeness”. It was laudable that he as a man could identify with the #MeToo movement (minus allowing another man to grab his dick) while calling out patriarchy and rape culture. As a Black man that understood the necessity of #MeToo I’m sort of perplexed that he struggles to keep that same level of energy, empathy and understanding for the even more necessary #BlackLivesMatter movement…
Like the coons before him his online activity is proof positive that he belongs on this list.
I’m convinced he wanted to be on this list. Shame on me for falling for it.
15. Herman Cain
Say what you want about the homie Mr. 999 but he was willing to lay down his life for the cause. He figuratively ran through a brick wall full speed to further the aims of people who paid less homage to his memory than folks did Dark Skin Jermaine. It is for that reason we feel compelled to posthumously bestow the 16th spot for the top 20 coons of 2020. How are you gonna give your life for the movement and they move on as if you were mere road kill (🦝)? To his credit his Twitter is still more poppin than the dude that he gave his life for.
14. Isiah Washington
My dude ain’t been the same since he tried to rape that gay dude on the Set of Grey’s Anatomy (or whatever they said he did). In classic coon fashion ole boy is a hop on hop offer. No core convictions, low self awareness and rather delusional in how grandiose he sees himself. From 2017 to 2020 he was a certified Black MAGA. A funny thing happened in-between the clock striking the new year and MAGA terrorists striking the US Capitol…
To his credit he is abandoning a sunken ship. Unfortunately it appears that he’s in too deep to escape the sunken place.
13 & 12. Herschel Walker (and his weirdo ass son)
In their own words…
Like father like son. Not much else to add.
11. Lil Wayne
This little junkie ass son of a grown ass man named Baby has been on the coon train for years now. If this raggedy ass little nigglett would not have received a pardon from Fuck Boy Forty-Five he would have been much closer to the number one spot for his betrayal of the culture. At least we now know why he sold his masters for a measly 100 million dollars. I wonder how much of the money went towards the ransom he had to pay to stay out of the fed pen.
10. Brandon Tatum
Brandon Tatum is actually a Coonvid-16 alumnus. He co-founded the Blexit movement with Candace Owens. The Blexit movement was of course a play on the Brexit term. The idea being that Black people should leave the Democratic Party in 2016 for the GOP as the Brits did the European Union. Even though Donald Trump won the 2016 election, it was not due to Black people in mass exiting the Democratic party for the GOP so therefore Blexit was a fail. But that ain’t why he’s on this list. I actually was not aware of this Coon prior Ahmaud Arbery being executed by some Georgian white supremacists. Before any of the most damning facts came out he rushed to victimize the victim by posting a bunch of speculative things that turned out not to be the case. He criminalized Arbery and tacitly excused his killers. He later went on to do another video about the Elijah McClain where he was even worse. He falsely stated that Elijah McClain initiated the contact with the police and blamed him for his own murder.
Like the Coon Terrance Williams he is all about the grift. After each and every whack ass video he puts out he drops links to merchandise that he sells to his mostly all lives and Blue Lives matter viewership. He’s another one that will be looking for a new hustle once the MAGA era subsides and police accountability becomes a national security imperative.
9. Tim Scott
Tim Cain is your typical garden variety coon. He’s what we call a classic coon (also known as a stick up the ass coon). He’s likely been that one black friend, one black neighbor, one black classmate and co-worker for most his miserable life so being a coon is kind of his natural inclination. As oxymoronic as it sounds unlike many others on this list he’s keeping it real. He really is a racist white man trapped in the body of a lame ass Black man.
8. Ben Carson
This nigga ain’t been the same since they performed that lobotomy on him swapping his once gifted hands for his now grafted mind.
7. Clarence Thomas
If we were compiling the all time greatest coons list no doubt Clarence Thomas would be number one because there has been no Black man (past or present) that has contributed as much towards the maintenance of the white supremacist construct while simultaneously holding back Black progress than Clarence Thomas. Clarence Thomas is to cooning what Michael Jeffery Jordan is to basketball. And unlike in MJ’s case there is no GOAT debate. Clarence Thomas is GOAT of cooning. But yet and still the best that we could do this year is give him the number 7 spot. To be clear it’s not because he lost a step in his step & fetch routine. It’s simply that 2020 was such a vintage year in cooning that he was outcooned.
6. Jason Whitlock
This lame and lazy ass tub of lard built an entire sports journalism career on coonery. For the last several years his job at Fox Sports was to make white guys shaped like him feel more superior than the greatest black athlete. Especially if said great Black Athletes are outspoken. Nothing gets under this dudes skin more than a Black athlete standing firm. To be an unapologetic Black man in the sports world is to be an anathema to everything that this dude represents. If you asked Whitlock 45 is not the bigot, LeBron James is real bigot . In fact according to Fatlock, Black men are actually starting to wake up to the goodness of the Donald.
I Think we have been carrying on a facade for three-and-a-half years as a Black men that somehow we can’t relate to Donald Trump, that we didn’t celebrate him in hip-hop music for decades, that he wasn’t friends with countless Black athletes, entertainers, celebrities…That facde is starting to end…and I think that’s why you’ve seen the rapper Ice Cube, you’ve seen 50 Cent and Kanye start reaching out and acknowledging the truth that they really don’t have a problem with Donald Trump ~ Jason Whitlock
To be clear, there is some truth to what Coon number 6 is saying. However to the extent that Black men in America relate to the 45th president of these United States is the extent at which these misguided brothers are moved by sentiments of patriarchy, self centeredness and narcissism. His racism is just the cost of doing business and so long as said racism does not affect them or their pockets they are good. And that’s why we call them coons. But they remain a small percentage of Black men overall but Jason Whitlock is indeed one of them.
5. Vernon Jones
Vernon Jones is a congressional representative from Georgia. He was a life long Democrat who switched allegiances to Republican party. He penned an open letter to white people explaining why:
I am no longer a Democrat. I cannot stand for the defunding of the police, higher taxes on working families and job-killing socialist policies that will devastate Americans of all walks of life… Is how he starts the mindless missive.
He goes on to mention his strong support for police at least 4 more times with no mention of police accountability or the fight to protect Black people from being abused by police. Even more than a coon, this dude is a coward. Hopefully the Black people in his district will awake to his coonery and boot him out of office in 2022 because such a Black man in office is dangerous for our community.
4. Candace Owens
Candace Owens is another Coonvid-16 alumnus. As a matter of fact she is the Valedictorian of the 2016 Coonrona class. She more than any of these other new school coons perfected the art of the grift. She was a chief organizer and architect of the young Black Dummies for Trump movement…
In the YBD’s defense, it was not just the propaganda pushed by Owens motivating them flock to the White House in new school Nazi regalia—they were also being paid by this mistress of misinformation. So says Robert Longfellow who furnished receipts in his article aptly titled: Edgeless Candace Owens Pays Black People to Attend Donald Trump’s Latest Stunt.
For all the cooning that she did in 2020 she still ended up getting passed over when it came to the
GOP Donald Trump convention and that obviously that made her feel some type of way…
…It seems they might have a new flavor of the month.
3. Kim Klacik
Kim Klacik was to Candace Owens in 2020 what R Kelly was to Aaron Hall in the 1990’s. Kim came in and stole all of ole girls thunder. Her Brazilin weave and Wringling Brothers make-over supplanted Candace’s plain Jane split end look with the Good Ole Boys. Rhetoric wise it was pretty much all the same. She made her national debut by riding off of the public angst that the 45th president directed at the late Representative Elijah Cummings while chair of the House Oversight Committee investigating the Fuckery between he and the Russians. She sent out a tweet lambasting Cummings and Baltimore that was later re-tweeted by the dude that can no longer tweet. It went viral and she instantly gained most favored coon status. So much so that she was able to parlay her disrespectful words about Baltimore and Elijah Cummings to a run for the late representatives vacated seat. Thankfully she lost but not before having a Million Karen March through a three block radius in Baltimore trying to bring more shame to the community and culture while shamelessly cooning for kudos.
2. Kanye West
Kanye was the first major hip-hop artist to co-sign and endorse the overt white supremacist in office. His betrayal of the culture opened up the doors for others to do the same. He is what we call the ultimate culture vulture. This culture gave him more fame and fortune than he could have dreamed of but some how it still was not enough. He used the perch that the culture has given him to re-distribute white supremacist misinformation and propaganda to. For that he should never be forgiven. I don’t care how crazy the dude acts. Fuck him forever!
1. Daniel Cameron
May the spirit of Breonna Taylor forever haunt this sick and sorry son of bitch ass nigga. There is no greater example in 2020 of a Black man betraying the Black community than what this sucker ass dude did to our beloved sister Breonna. If “on sight I’m beating that ass” was a person that person’s name would be Daniel Cameron. Nothing short of a beat down is deserved by this dude and I pray that it one day happens. I also pray that it be recorded for public consumption so that it would deter future coons from committing such dastardly deeds to further ingratiate themselves with their white supremacist handlers.
The role that Cameron played in the miscarriage of justice endured by Breonna Taylor’s family and by extension the Black Community will be with us for posterity. He will be the poster boy for selling out the Black race for years to come. This is an offense against the culture and entire human family that should never be forgotten. He needs to pay for the bitch ass move he pulled. By any means necessary. Periodt!
2019 has been yet another coontastic year with Negros selling their souls for pittance, throwing the culture under the bus and cape crusading for white supremacy. This procyon lotor outbreak has gotten so bad that the lines have thoroughly been blurred between acceptable black behavior and gross violations of the culture. One of the bigger misnomers about Coons today are that they are self loathing individuals that hate the Black skin that they were born in. In actuality the opposite is true. They actually love themselves. They love themselves a bit too much. To the point of narcissism and if there is a tie that binds all persons making this list is the fact that their extreme narcissism and self serving ways precludes them from having the requisite self awareness to avoid promoting and propagating white supremacy. So with out further ado here are the top ten habitual offenders of 2019…
#10 Kimberly Klacic
I know you are like who is this bih? And normally I’d be on some “Harpo, who dis woman” type shit myself but home girl has a story to tell. You see back in the day Kim Klacik used to be down with the blacks. So much so that she went to an HBCU (Bowie State). Everything was fine and dandy with the blacks until she came down with a case of alopecia and loss all of her hair. At that point (according to Kim) the blacks started being mean to her and when you are black and other blacks are mean to you, the only right response is to become a republican. At least that’s the rational that Kim used for voluntarily entering into the Sunken Place. But that’s not what gets her on the list this year. What got her on this list was her skillful use of the twitter app. By posting a few dumb words from her smart phone she was able to attract the attention of the reigning most powerful person in the world (allegedly). This alleged most powerful person in the world parlayed her dumb words into a cyber bullying/misinformation campaign targeting the then chairman of the House Oversight committee the late Representative Elijah Cummings. Months later when Representative Cummings met his untimely demise this happened:
Yeah, ole girl is running for Elijah’s vacated seat. Baltimore ya’ll got one damn job in November of 2020. If you fail the whole damn city is making this list for 2020.
#9 SHAQUILLE O’NEAL
A brief recap: John Schnatter the now ousted CEO and founder of Papa John’s (but still the majority stake holder) wadded into waters too deep for him to navigate, swim or even doggy peddle through while trying to ride the wave of white supremacist angst directed at Colin Kapernick and other NFL players for their on field protests of police brutality. He basically tried to the blame the lagging sales of his nasty ass pizza on NFL players. It did not land well at all. Even the racists gave him a side eye with that one. Jethro and them were like “dude, your pizza sucks ass”. It ended up being a huge PR nightmare for him and the sales for his nasty ass product took an even bigger nose dive. He then did what any wealthy white proprietor of junk goods that heavily depend on the black dollar to turn a profit–he hired a PR firm to right his sinking ship. The PR firm that he hired set up a conference call with him and some of his board members to plot and plan how they can in the future avoid Papa John Schnatter from self destructing again and taking all of their profits with him. That did not go so well. On the call presumably to show his new found empathy for the blacks he recalled how much better things are for them today because they no longer get dragged through the streets on the back of good people’s bumpers until they died (he did not call them good people but that’s what he was thinking). Not to be outdone by himself he went on to say “even Colonel Sanders called blacks niggers” . At this point his board of directors had no choice but to save him (and their stock options) from himself and ousted him as the CEO.
With the companies public relations nightmare taking an Elm Street like turn the board decided that this was a job that only Super Man could fix and since Christoper Reeves is no longer around they hired
Shaq-Fu Shaqcoon to clean up the mess.
The self described Big Aristotle has an annual salary of around 60 million dollars with a net worth around 400 million. Having hit the DNA lottery at birth and parlaying it into a top 15 (at least) all time spot in the NBA, one would think that a man of Shaq’s ilk would have little incentive to play clean up boy for the racist white proprietor. Much to the chagrin of black people that don’t appreciate being referred to as niggers by white CEO’s of a Pizza franchises that push pizza on the public that taste much more like the card board box that it’s delivered in than actual pizza, our boy Shaq joined the board of Papa John’s to give its racist founder the cover he sought so that he could keep slinging that dirty dough in the hood. To add insult to injury he signed on to bring that nasty ass shit to HBCU campuses across the nation. In a normal year that alone would make him King Koon for the year. Sigh…this is not a normal year…
#8 The ADOS/FBA movement
ADOS (African decedents of slavery) and FBA (foundational black Americans) are two nascent movements centered around organizing the progeny of America’s former African slaves to procure reparations and to organize politically. On the surface it sounds rather innocuous and even laudable. That is until the leaders start talking. When you cut through the fast talk and circular logic the net result of their political action is white supremacy in black face. Their talking points are replete with natavism, xenophobia and anti-immigration sentiments. At times it’s hard to distinguish MAGA speak from ADOS speak. In fact there’s even some MAGAites pushing ADOS.
When Ann Coultergiest is shouting your organization out on Twitter, it’s safe to say your organization is on that bullshit. Worse than that, an intra-squad beef erupted between team ADOS and team FBA. Long story short, ADOS was co-founded by lawyer and Youtube personality Antonio Moore and former Democratic strategist Yvette Carnell. In comes “filmmaker” and author of self help books (for pimps) Tariq Nasheed.
Tariq had been shouting out ADOS giving them positive press so they in turn started to embrace him so as to get more of his followers into the ADOS fold–because everyone knows a movement is not a movement devoid a bunch of simple niggas skilled in the art of mackin broken women. ADOS leadership has this thing called “staying in code” which is basically code word for not saying or doing something super lame to embarrass their already super lame movement. Staying on code for the most part meant to not make the obvious any more obvious than it was. Tariq being Tariq took things a bit to far with this errant tweet:
Antonio Moore and Yvette Carnell took obvious umbrage because Tariq confirmed the greatest fears of the movements biggest detractors and that is the fact that the ADOS movement is one of the black arms of America’s white supremacist movement with the express purpose of suppressing the black electorate so that the current white supremacist commander and chief could win a second term. They followed his tweet with a tweet trying correct his faux pas, Tariq up’d the ante by doing what he does best and made a diss video while also creating his own million minion movement (FBA). Yvette followed up with a video of her own and from there #ADOSvsFBA became the funniest thing trending on Twitter.
And while it’s all fun and games watching stupid people bicker over stupid shit what these people are doing really is self defeating and in the long run dilutes the power of black people and the power of the black vote. At a time in human history when global white supremacy is on the rise and these KKKrackers are taking their white nationalistic ideals international and strengthening their global ties with like minds across the globe, we are hustling backwards by taking an opposite approach by erecting false dichotomies among the worlds majority people.
I will leave this one last message for my misguided brothers and sisters that think it prudent to follow these ADOS/FBA bammas. Your African blood is thicker than the white man’s American borders. Get your heads right.
I’m gonna leave ya’ll with this too:
#7 Stephen A Smith
Stephen A Smith has been cooning under the radar for a while now. He’s made the top ten at least once or twice in the past decade. What makes him kind of dangerous is the fact that at times he will get it right and use his position in media responsibly and advocate for Black people as opposed to being the masters mouth piece. Then there are other times…
Earlier this year Smith secured the bag. He signed a contract extension for 10 million dollars annually. Now I was not hating but I did wonder aloud how the fuck this loud mouth ass three point perimeter hairline having ass dude was get that kind of dough. I wondered that until of course the NFL tried to play Colin Kapernick for Boo Boo The Fool. It then became quite clear. With the NFL being his networks biggest client at least part of that 10 million dollar salary was earmarked for the tap dance for Massa routine that he pulled in the wake of Colin Kapernick not allowing himself to be played by Roger and nem.
Before Kap’s team sniffed out and made public the shady language in the waiver that he was to sign before being allowed to show case his talents in front of a bunch of NFL scouts that were already well aware of what he could do, it was understandable that some in the media (mainstream and social) would blame Colin for the fiasco that his NFL work morphed into. Stephen A was one of the loudest voices of rebuke of Colin. After more information came out (information that Smith was already privy to) it became obvious that the league was trying to put Kapernick in a trick bag. Smith even tacitly acknowledged this in one of his myriad diatribes on the matter. Yet he still clung to the company line and blamed the victim. His on air counter part who happens to be white (Max Kellerman) was a bit more insightful and intellectually honest about what was going and they went back and forth over the issue for the next week. They brought Terrell Owens on the set because like most black people he voiced displeasure with how Stephen A Hairline was reporting the story. TO always being good for at least one memorable sound bite did not disappoint the diaspora. Son told Smith that Kellerman sounded blacker than him. That shit really hit a nerve. While that was a basic fact that most observers knew already, the reaction from Smith was priceless. Nigga damn near had a baby on set and now forever lives in coon infamy. As he should.
#6 Isaiah Washington
This dude ain’t been right ever since he got fired for beating up that gay dude on Shonada’s set. He has since that time come out of the closet as a card carrying Black MAGA who routinely gets into Twitter spats with sisters much smarter than him. But like most Coons his ignorance is only outmatched by his arrogance so he regularly gets his ass handed to him in the Twittersphere:
#5 Tim Scott
There really is nothing to see here. Tim Scott for probably his entire adult life has been a “One Black”. What’s a one Black you ask? Thanks for asking. A One Black is that one black friend, one black neighbor, and/or one black colleague that’s so comfortable in the alabaster spaces they dwell they will do almost anything to maintain the extreme minority position in the given construct. Nothing great or even good is ever expected from a One Black so it would be foolish to expect anything from Tim Scott. Now that Obama is no longer the president, Tim Scott for the most part is the most powerful black man in America and as such we’d be remiss not include him on this list because he continues to play a major role in codifying the white supremacist ideals pushed by the wicked white men that he surrounds himself with. If this was not such a high tide in coonery a black man with his power so willingly able to acquiesce to the white supremacist demands of his constituents would be closer to the number one spot. And if this list was the top ten coons of the decade as opposed to the top ten of 2019 he’d definitely be ranked closer to the number one spot because he’s been carrying the Tiki torch of white supremacy in the US Senate since 2013.
#4 Ben Carson
Uncle Ben is another top ten coon mainstay and like Tim Scott would be much closer to the number one spot if this was the all decade team. Him coming in at number 7 for 2019 should not be seen as him having a less coonish year. It’s simply that 2019 had so many vying to be the head coon in charge that Ben’s maladjusted slow thinking slow speaking ass was too unwitting to compete with this years crowded crop of coons. No worries though–he will be back next year. I’m certain of that much.
# 3 Jason Whitlock
Jason Whitlock has never met a free black man that he did not hate. From Lebron James to Colin Kapernick he has a serious beef with any black man that has an semblance of awareness. He has a job as as a sports journalist despite not being a good writer, not knowing much about sports, and not having an athletic bone in his bloated body. His sole purpose in American media is to make couch potatoes that sport MAGA hats feel like they are greater than the great black athletes denigrated daily by dip shits like himself.
#2 Candace Owens
What is there to say about this chick that you already don’t know. She’s the black female face of the MAGA movement, all 3 percent of them heffers. Like the coon before her on this list her existence in the public space is solely for the purpose of giving racist whites as much cover as they need to continue being the racist degenerate pieces of shit that they have been since 1619. Her relevance while waning was significant to the white supremacist movement. She has propagated enough propaganda over the last few years to infect the minds of some of the more malleable and maladjusted in our community.
Candace Owens while dumber than a door knob is dangerously deceptive. While its easy for those of us with an IQ over 50 to dismiss this foolish woman and her foolish chatter–the young, dumb and aloof among us are far less able to abate the specious messaging.
#1 Kanye Kardashian West
Before I get started on this stupid nigger (he gets the er iteration because that’s what they call his dumb ass when he leaves the klan meet ups) let me quickly respond to those who will be quick to claim that I’m hating.
You god damn right I hate that nigga. I hate that nigga so much that I’m starting to hate you niggas that are not smart enough to know that Kanye hates you. Kanye unfortunately has an undue and out sized influence on the culture (he almost single handily made skinny jeans with big ass stupid look sneakers cool) and he’s using it in the most reckless and selfish manner. In a day and time where white supremacist propaganda is being incessantly spewed daily and from the highest office in the land, instead of using his perch and influence to combat the propaganda, like the self absorbed coward that he’s become he cosigned and doubled down on the dumb shit. His disrespect for our ancestors while giving props to our oppressors is an unforgivable act of betrayal of the people and the culture. What is there not to hate about the fuck shit that this fuck boy has been on?
Kanye more than anyone else on this list exemplifies the kind of narcissistic self-idolatry that the current occupant of the white house routinely displays and is seemingly making acceptable behavior. Moreover he’s bastardizing the culture by lending his name in the name of the culture to white supremacy. That’s not hip-hop. Hip hop in it’s purest and primordial form is and always will be a rebellious form of expression. It is FUBU. For us by us! It is not a tool to be used by the oligarchs to maintain and spread their empire. That does not mean that every artist should be a KRS-One or a Poor Righteous Teachers, but does mean NO artist should ever be an avatar for white patriarchal power. For the last few years that is the dominant role that Kanye has played. A loud and proud mascot for team White Supremacy. You lame asses that continue to support this bitch ass dudes wayward behavior by buying them ugly ass shoes, streaming his whack ass negro spiritual remakes and attending his plantation style Sunday services are utterly worthless because you are encouraging this foolish fuckery and it’s no longer funny or entertaining. The shit is sick. He is not well and neither are you.
After two nights and twenty contenders the results are in. The debate winners, the debate losers and the ones that would be doing us all a favor by debating from the couch or some pundits chair for the third debate in September. Ranked in order from best to worst…
THE WINNERS CIRCLE
Elizabeth Warren—Elizabeth Warren came out with another strong performance and was the clear winner(of both nights). She was attacked off the break and clearly had a plan for it because she left the stage with at least one body in tow. She was forceful and fearless in the face of Omni-directional attacks with none of them sticking. Expect her to get another post debate bump. She’s the real deal.
Line of the night: “I don’t know why anyone goes to the trouble to run for president to talk about what we can’t do and what we won’t fight for”
Bernie Sanders—Like Warren, Bernie came under a lot of “friendly fire” and likeWarren he was ready. His counter punches were Floyd Mayweather like. And again like Warren he left with a body. Actually he left with a Zombie since he essentially killed the same dude that was previously murdered by his tag team partner.
Line of the night: “By the way, the healthcare industry will be advertising tonight on this program” (to modarator Jake Tapper)
Marianne Williamson— Marianne had a far less eccentric debate than her first. Her presence amounted to a breath of fresh air for a stale and long stagnant body politic. She brought a much needed spiritual element to the race and one that would be wise of the others to incorporate into their daily diatribes on the stump. She made it crystal clear (to anyone with a third eye) that in addition to the partisan wars afoot there is a spiritual war to be fought and that we had better gear up for that battle in this asymmetric war for the soul of this nation. While everyone and their mamma knows that she will not come close to winning the nomination, her infusing the process with some much needed spiritual enlightenment can only be a boon for the party. When she does finally drop out her endorsement will be significant.
Line of the night: “If you think any of this wonkiness is going to deal with this dark psychic force of the collectivized hatred that this president is bringing up in this country, then I’m afraid that the Democrats are going to see some very dark days,”
Pete Buttige— Mayor Pete had a decent debate. He managed to parlay his Rhode Scholar education and his above average oratory skills into a decent debate performance. I don’t know that it is enough to lift him from the basement where he’s currently polling but it definitely will keep the corporate dollars coming so count on seeing more Mayor Pete.
Line of the night: “It is time to stop worrying about what the Republicans will say. It is true if we embrace a far-left agenda, they are going to say we are a bunch of crazy socialists. If we embrace a conservative agenda, you know what they’re going to do? They’re going to say we’re a bunch of crazy socialists. So let’s just stand up for the right policy and go out there and defend it.”
Steve Bullock— The Montana governor in his first and possibly last debate showing did not do awful, but he did not do great that great either. His very worthy mission to remove dark money from politics is laudable but next to impossible because its too much dark money drowning him out his message. And I’m not even talking about the swampy dark money in the Trumpublican party and RNC–I’m talking about the dark money flowing some of the very same candidates he was sharing the stage with.
Line of the night: I honestly can’t remeber
Beto O’Rourke— The good news is unlike the last debate and unlike your boy Waldo there was at least a Beto sighting. He was lively and had a few good moments. The bad news is he did nothing to revive his campaign that’s basically on life support. There’s a US Senate seat up for grabs in Texas. He should probably aim a little lower than he is right now.
Line of the night: “There is a new battleground state: Texas, and it has 38 Electoral College votes”
Amy Klobuchar— Iv’e never in my life met an Amy that was extraordinary or memorable in any discernible way. In fact every Amy that I’ve ever encountered has been borderline mediocre. Night one of debate number two did little to change this salient fact (no offense to anyone named Amy).
Line of the night: People named Amy don’t have lines of the night. They just breath loud.
John Hickenlooper— Johnny Boy did not have very many good moments in the night one debate. In fact by my count he had exactly zero. If I were to put on my conspiracy theory hat I would say that he’s running in this race not so much to win but to play part of the inorganic consensus being pushed by the establishment that most voters don’t want radical progressive changes. I don’t know that he helped that cause either.
Line of the night: “This notion that you’re going to take away private insurance for 180 million Americans, who — many of them don’t want to give it up, many of them do want to get rid of it but some don’t, many don’t — or you’re going to with the Green New Deal make sure every American is guaranteed the government job that they want. That is a disaster at ballot box. You might as well FedEx the election to Donald Trump.”
Tim Ryan— Timmy turned in another underwhelming performance. He did manage to get more talk time in during the second debate. The bad news is nobody was listening. Even worse he had flashbacks of that time he ran across his geriatric neighbors freshly manicured lawn.
Line of the night: “I know, I wrote the damn bill!”
John Delany– John like the John Hickenlooper before him (and Timmy before that) were placed in this contest for one reason and one reason only. To be the great white
hope dope in waiting just in case the preferred great white hope falters in the contest. I have reason to believe that all three failed in their commissioned goals so it is less than likely that you will see any of them in the next round of debates
Line of the night: Who the fuck cares?
THE WINNERS CIRCLE
Julián Castro— Julian had a very good debate performance and made good use of his limited talk time. With the success that Kamala had in debate number one the strategy was obvious–Go at the former vice presidents neck and for the most part that’s what most of them did. The difference however between how Castro went about taking down the perceived front runner and how the rest of the field went about it is the difference between organic matter and inorganic matter.
When the news shows and talking heads report on Julián’s “attack” on Biden they normally start the clip at the point when he verbally smacks him making it seem premeditated (as many of the other attacks against him and his record). The truth is Julián was on the stage minding his own business selling his own ideas when Biden thought it prudent to come for him. Now we can agree or disagree with his assertion that crossing the border should be decriminalized but I’m guessing Biden wishes that he would have silently disagreed.
Julian Castro to no one in particular: “‘Open borders’ is a right-wing talking point, And frankly, I’m disappointed that some folks, including some folks on this stage, have taken the bait.”
Colorado Senator Mike Bennett gave him the shaken head white man universal disapproval gesture while pivoting to his own immigration talking points followed by Kirsten Gillabrand and Kamala Harris. Biden decides he wants to circle back to Castro’s quip.
Joe Biden: “Julián, excuse me, the secretary, We sat together in many meetings. I never heard him talk about any of this when he was the secretary.” Joe Biden:
Line of the night: “Mr. Vice President, it looks like one of us has learned the lessons of the past. One of us hasn’t What we need are politicians who have some guts on this issue”
Cory Booker--Cory came into the contest in desperate need of a break out moment and while he indeed got that moment (a few actually), it came about far more inorganically than Castro’s or even some of the others that made it to the winners circle on night two. He had been sparing with back and forth with the former Vice President for the weeks leading up to the debate so it came as no surprise that he was going to come for Biden which he did. For the most part his punches landed. Biden got in a few good ones on him but for the most part Cory stayed on message which was mostly that positive and happy go lucky talk about bringing the country together. I mean ain’t no body believing all that kumbaya bullshit but he did do well enough to come in second place for night two
Line of the night: “Mr. Vice President, you can’t have it both ways, You invoke President Obama more than anybody in this campaign. You can’t do it when it’s convenient and then dodge it when it’s not.”
Andrew Yang–Andrew had a decent showing. He got off a few good lines and lets be real, most of ya’ll signed up to get that $125 from the Equifax breach knowing your credit unworthiness makes you least likely to be hacked. Who would not want $1,000 per month free and clear no questions or strings attached? Sign me up!
Line of the night: “We need to do the opposite of much of what we’re doing right now, and the opposite of Donald Trump is an Asian man who likes math”
Tulsi Gabbard– Tulsi is another low percenter that finally had her moment. She came at Kamala pretty hard on her criminal justice record. It was not earth shattering but for the fact that Kamala had no response to the attack she would not be part of the winning circle (or at least further down).
Line of the night:
“When you were in a position to make a difference and an impact in these people’s lives, you did not, There’s no excuse for that and the people who suffered under your reign as a prosecutor, you owe them an apology.”
Bill Deblasio– Bill DeBlasio, also known as the 4th moderator, made it to the winners circle if for no other reason his persistence. If I was not Brooklyn born and bred I’d say something like “Bill is the typical annoying ass New Yorker(that does not mean you should not state the obvious). And while he is just that, his performance warrants some merit because they were so heavily issue oriented in an otherwise low brow debate devoid of true substance. At least in a contextual sense. It was a lot of surface speak. Even when threatened by his fellow moderators that his time would be cut short for be interrupting they would often come back to him to allow him to reiterate the talking points that he just got off on the next persons watch so it really is hard to call him a loser on that night. Even if most New Yorkers believe him to be just that.
Line of the night: “For all the American citizens out there who feel you’re falling behind, who feel the American dream is not working for you, the immigrants didn’t do that to you,” The big corporations did that to you. The 1 percent did that to you.”
Micheal Bennett– Senator Michael Bennett had a fairly decent performance and made good use of the time allotted. While he did not do much to get him in the top tier, he did bring some much needed clarity and relevance to the vapid busing back and forth between the two top tier candidates that he shared the stage with.
Line of the night: “This is the fourth debate that we have had, and the second time that we have been debating what people did 50 years ago with busing, when our schools are as segregated as they were 50 years ago,We need a conversation about what’s happening now, and when there’s a group of kids in this country that don’t get preschool through no fault of their own and another group does—equal is not equal..We’ve got a group of K–12 schools that are good because families can spend a million bucks, and you got the Detroit public schools that are as segregated as they were.” —Equal is not equal.
Kirsten Gillibrand–Kirsten has been searching for that magic moment in this campaign since her Al Franken false start. Debate number two did not change that fact.
Line of the night: “So, the first thing that I’m going to do when I’m president is I’m going to Clorox the Oval Office” (I know. Corny AF)
Jay Inslee— Colorado Governor Jay Inslee had for the most part an uneventful debate. With his pet issue being attacking climate change, there’s no great loss to that cause as it has unanimously been adopted by the entire field.
Line of the night: Does it really matter???
Joe Biden–If you listen to the arm chair Monday morning pundits you would walk away believing that Biden had a half way decent performance. And in their defense it was a half way decent performance given the bar was set so low for the supposed front runner and best equipped candidate to take on Trump that all he had to do was not fall asleep on stage to get good press clippings the following day. If however you believe your lying eyes and ears over the Morning Joe set you’d come away with a similar conclusion. In Biden’s defense virtually everyone on stage had their sights trained on him and most of them got off at least one good dinger. To his credit he at least tried to hit back this time and actually landed a few good ones. But overall his performance was very poor. On at least three occasions he could not finish his thoughts while in mid-sentence. Cory Booker rightly called him out for hiding behind the Obama legacy for all things good but running away when anything even remotely controversial or in need of deeper analysis was on the docket. Even worse he and his team in the mainstream media have created a post debate narrative that all of the contenders shooting daggers at him are really shooting daggers at Obama as a way to inoculate himself from a credible critique of his questionable policies of the past and present.
Line of the night: “Go Easy on my kid”
Kamala Harris— Senator Kamala Harris had a really bad night. She actually performed better than Joe Biden and at least a couple of the others that were ranked higher on this list. She gets last place because for at least the last week or so Tulsi Gabbart had been telling anyone that would lend her their ear that she was coming for Kamala. Jake Tapper knew, Bashar Al Assad knew and even the Russian bots who normally traffic in falsehoods knew that Tulsi was bringing some smoke for Kamala. Jake Tapper being the messy shit starter that he is set Tulsi up perfectly for the kill and she went in. Kamala gave a weak response and referee Jake Tapper threw it back to Tulsi to pile on even more. Kamala was given another chance to respond and she basically said she’d rather speak on Biden.
“That is simply not true.”
To quickly summarize the two debates night one was Greco Roman Wrestling while night two was straight WWE. The two top tier candidates were well versed, well prepared and obviously practiced what they were going to preach. The two top tier candidates from night two were winging it and by all objective measures they failed miserably.
When Billy Porter decided to dawn a custom Tuxedo dress for Oscars I’m pretty sure that he knew that he’d steal the red carpet spotlight. What I’m not sure he was aware of about his red carpet choice is that it would spark (or re-ignite) a heated conversation about black masculinity and the conspiracy (real or perceived) to emasculate the black male. It is this authors opinion that there is indeed a problem of emasculated black men in America. However I don’t know that any of them showed up at the Oscar’s or where dresses.
- 1.deprive (a man) of his male role or identity.”in his mind, her success emasculated him”
We can’t have a conversation about emasculated black males without including the most powerful black men in the country. Otherwise what’s point? If the emasculated black man is a problem for you and you are not talking about the black men in congress you don’t really have a problem with emasculated black men. You have a problem with gay men and you should at least be honest enough with yourself to admit as much.
Ayanna Pressley (D-Mass.) , Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-N.Y.) , Ilhan Omar (D-Minn.) and Rashida Tlaib (D-Mich) have courageously taken the congress by storm speaking the harsh truth to power broaching taboo issues with vigor and honesty that many of the black men that have preceded them by decades have never even thought to broach.
What’s worse is these black men when these woman are taking bullets for their courageous stances are no where to be found when it comes time to defend them effectively leaving these four women to defend themselves from omni-directional racist and sexist attacks. When Rep Ilhan Omar made the infamous “All about the Benjamins” tweet she was widely condemned–from the GOP, the media and many in her party. She was forced to apologize for making an antisemitic comment even though nothing at all was antisemitic about what she said. Not one of the black males in congress thought to shield this young lady from any of the bullets aimed her way. I wonder why.
After being forced to apologize for telling the truth she was made the subject of racist, Islamaphobic tweets from the WV GOP. But none of the people that condemned her for telling the truth said anything about racist attacks on her.
Greg Meeks for an example is a “strong progressive voice” surely he would take umbrage with the racist manner in which is colleague. After all he went to great lengths to rebuke Minister Farrakhan for what he perceived as an antisemitic comment made by him. So he has to have something to say about what was said about Rep Omar. After all she too is a Semite.
Got all this smoke for Farrakhan on behalf of the poor oppressed Jews of the world but So far no Twitter mentions on behalf of his colleague.
Hakeem Jeffries who is in the number three position within the democratic caucus. You can catch him on CNN or MSNBC any day spitting daggers at Trump. Surely he’d at least take to Twitter to get the sisters back…
I searched his twitter high and low for a sign of manhood in the form of speaking real truth to real power, but nope. Then I recalled that time that Israel went on one of their many offensives versus a defenseless Palestinian population in Gaza whereby babies were being blown up kids were being taken out by snipers and Israel was naturally being condemned by the international community. Hakeem had this much to say at the AIPAC rally for Israel in Brooklyn.
“We know Israel lives in a very tough neighborhood, and there are certain realities to that. We mourn the loss of civilian life on both sides of the conflict. But when you live in a tough neighborhood Israel should not be made to apologize for its strength. You know why? Because the only thing that neighbors respect in a tough neighborhood is strength.” ~ Hakeem Jeffries
Those are the thoughts of an emasculated black male because as
black men strong Black men our job is to fight against white supremacy not on behalf of it. And make no mistake Star of David white supremacy is still white supremacy.
It took a strong woman of color to get the sisters back which further impugns the manhood of the emasculated black Milquetoast men in congress…
Then there was this fiasco where once again a sister speaking the cold hard truth about something that frankly this brother should have taken more umbrage with.
As the head of the committee Rep Cummings should have been the first person to rebuke Rep Meadows for his shameless display of tokenism. Instead he left it up to the women of color on the committee to handle their white man problem.
To make matters worse even after she emasculated the white man for talking reckless the long emasculated black men came to his defense. Will the non-emasculated black men in congress please stand up and be heard? There’s little sign that they exist.
In summation if you have a problem with a black man who on his free will puts on a dress to celebrate his idol or his sexual freedom but don’t have a problem with all these powerful black men who has Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s hand up their skirts grabbing and leading them by their vagina’s you are focused on all the wrong things…
2018 was yet another year of classic coonery. In this Trumpian
era error that we’re in the midst of there seems to be a new breed of coon brewing in urban America. I can’t quite place a finger on what it is about the Orange Idiot that’s giving rise to this samboian outbreak but it is at least in part to his extreme narcissism and extra rapey ways. What I have noticed is that a lot of the black men that support or defend the reckless behavior of this current president exhibit some of his most untoward and reckless personality traits. At least that’s the theory I’m going with. I digress…With out further ado here’s your Top ten for 2018…
10. The Baby Coon Bootcampers
Random Fun fact: A group of raccoons are called a nursery or gaze.
When I was a young dumb 20-30 something I did my fair share of really dumb things. Thankfully camera phones were not ubiquitous devices back then as they are now. I’m even more thankful that my formative young adult years did not coincide with a rabid coon outbreak such as the one that led to this gaze gathering at the White House. Some of these young and dumb millennial’s will live to regret this photo op while others in this nursery will grow up to be full blown coons. Either way this posterior inspired photo op will be around for posterity so whether or not these young, dumb malleable minded minions will inextricably linked to the Class of coon 2018.
9. Herschel The Coon Walker
When you’re born black and the black folks that birthed you feels fit to name you Herschel, it’s not 100 percent your fault that you grew up to be a coon. Herschel and President Adolt Twittler go back to to his failed days as a professional football franchise owner.
He was literally Benedict Donald’s original favorite field Negro…So it should come as no surprise that decades later he’d make the smooth transition to the prototypical house negro.
8. Jim “Crow” Brown
Speaking of former NFL running backs suffering from CTE there’s this old fool. Many thought that his dalliance with coonery would be brief and by now he’d humbly come back to the tribe to petition for forgiveness ala Chrisette Michele. Nope! He’s a proud coon and is as perennial a member of the top ten coon list as he was the Pro Bowl. Ya’ll boy is gone for good.
7. Jason “the Witless wannabe white wonder”Whitlock
Jason Whitlock is what you would call an OC (original coon). What differentiates Fatlock from the fuck boys (and girls) that precede him on this list is the fact that his Tom Coonery did not start (at least publicly) during Jive 45’s infamous and most unfortunate rise to the presidency. In other words cooning has always been part of his DNA. In his defense he has no discernible talents so cooning is next to 100 percent responsible for his success in life. So while he knows next to nothing about the sports that he’s paid to report on and he’s obviously never played a sport outside of maybe a hot dog eating contest or three, his value to his employer Fox Sports is his ability to assuage and massage the fragile white ego of white supremacist sports fans across the nation. Something that he’s pretty good at. Nobody can make bald, fat, nonathletic couch potatoes feel superior to the Colin Kapernicks and LeBron James of the world like Whitlock is able to do. Believe it or not that takes as much skill as it does audacity.
6. A Nigga named Paris (Dennard)
Say a prayer for our boy Paris. He had a pretty rough year. He spent most of the year taking verbal beat downs on CNN while frivolously failing at defending the foolishness of the Dump administration in viscerally embarrassing fashion. After stacking all them L’s CNN ended up cutting ties with him for being a pervert. No offense to the #MeToo movement but that boy ain’t hardly interested in vagina. It really was a misunderstanding…
5. Bobcat Johnson
Bob Johnson on the low has been cooning forever. The Founder of BET was one of the early culture vultures of hip hop. His cooning reached a crescendo in 2008 while campaigning for Hilliary Clinton in the 2008 Democratic Primary vs then Senator Barack Obama. At a black church of all places he dropped the timeless jewel
“As an African American, I’m frankly insulted that the Obama campaign would imply that we are so stupid that we would think Bill and Hillary Clinton, who have been deeply and emotionally involved in black issues when Barack Obama was doing something in the neighborhood that I won’t say what he was doing, but he said it in his book,” ~ Bob Johnson
Who would have thunk that 10 years later he’d be palling around with her arch enemy and the father or modern day white supremacist terror.
4. Coondace Owens
The baby coon summit was the brainchild of Ms Owens. Her corrupting so many minors in a single coon swoop should be enough to land her on this list. She has become one the darlings of conservative media and white people who prefer their blacks to be kind of racist towards other blacks. Like a nigga named Paris she takes a major L every time she ventures away from the Fox News studio to opine on shit she has no clue about–like life itself. If the term Poor little tink tink had an avatar. It would be this whack ass chic and that was made abundantly clear the day she dared to debate Dr. Micheal Eric Dyson on MSNBC.
3. Uncle Ben Carcinogen
Uncle Ben is making black history and he don’t even know it. In every horror movie the black guy dies first. This black guy is two years in and still running. Many careers have come and died entering the Trump White house and this nigga is still breathing. That’s a remarkable feat if you think about it. Unless you watched Bird Box and understand that the retarded mother fuckers like Ben and Candy don’t have to wear blind folds because they have have a built in immunity.
2. Tim Scott
With President Obama now citizen Obama Tim Scott is the most powerful black man in America. By default he makes the list for being in such a powerful position as a United States Senator while being the weak pathetic bent back bitch ass that he’s been since being elected. As senator he’s rubber stamped every racist bill, judge and cabinet member that was put up for a vote. He’s a truly deplorable black man that will go down in history as one the most destructive to black people and progress in America with how he’s comported himself as Senator.
2a. Clarence Thomas
Tim Scott rivals only Clarence Thomas when it comes to the race for the black person that could set black people and black progress back the furthest. Every day this human lawn jockey thinks of how he can throw a monkey wrench in the black come up. I know that we are not supposed to wish death on folks but come on my good Christian friends. He has a lifetime appointment. I need this nigga to die in order to live my beast negro life. #HurryUpAndDieYouVarmint
1. Koonye Kardashian West
Kanye was hip hop. Not the totality of the construct but a firm part of it and he has the receipts to prove it. And while the Donald Trump brand has had it’s fair share of mentions in hip hop (particularly before his foray into politics) he’s the antithesis of hip hop so even though on paper Mr Kardashian is a powerless peon, his Trumpian antics and mushroom dick riding have a deleterious affect on the culture. For that he can never be forgiven. Like Ben and Candy he don’t have to wear a blind fold because he’s already touched. But we not gonna excuse or write it off as mental illness his major transgressions. As black people and progeny of slaves still living in a world rife with white supremacy we all have truama running through our DNA. Some of us choose to embrace the plantation and in most instances the motivations are more selfish in nature than they are subconscious. Plantation Psychosis is what we would label what ails Kanye and there really is no cure. That’s precisely why he’s on the trading block for the next racial draft.
Before you accuse me of being hyperbolic for calling the Black Panther movie the seminal movie of the 21 first century understand that the 21st century is a mere 18 years old so it’s not like it was up against a great deal of competition. That said the title is a bit of an understatement because it’s actually the most seminal movie in the last 100 years (at least). Now you can feel free to lambaste me for being hyperbolic. But I implore you to hear me out first.
Art imitates life and vice versa. 50, 60 , 100 years ago a film like this could never have procured the financing because the guardians of Hollywood’s purse strings were well aware of how powerful media imagery is on the collective subconscious of a nation and how the collective subconscious of a nation being triggered has the power to create huge paradigm shifts in a relatively short period of time. Ronald Reagan is the lord and savior of the conservative id to this day, not because of what he did as governor of California or president of the United States. Ronald Reagan earned his stripes as the god father of conservative ideology for what he did in Hollywood. Not as the D List actor that he was, but as the head of the screen actors guild. As guardian of American cinema he made sure that every movie that he had the power to green light was way more John Wayne than John Brown. If a movie promised optics that codified White patriarchal supremacy it was green lit and fully and very easily financed. If it had even a semblance of an opposite affect it was stopped in its tracks and those who were part of the failed project were essentially black listed and labeled communist sympathizers.
It’s hard to overstate the correlation between what comes on the silver screen and how the it affects the worldview of the masses.
Take for instance Birth of a Nation (The original 1915 movie). It was hailed as cinematic genius and in a way it was. Not because of a creative plot but because of how it helped stamp white patriarchal supremacy as the dominant theme of the 20th century American ethos. Even more indelible was the damsel in distress trope of white women at the hands of the scary black man. A trope that still holds a lot of weight in this day and age.
As you can see media imagery and subliminal messaging are extremely effective and long lasting–much more than most consciously know or understand. If it were not so effective a 30 second super bowl commercial would not cost 5 million dollars and product placement in movies would not cost exponentially more (I can only imagine how much Lexus paid for their prominent feature in this movie).
For the sake of brevity I’m going to highlight just a few of the paradigm shifting subliminal and not so subliminal messages that were inherent in this movie that seems to have taken root in the collective unconscious of not just African-Americans writ large but Americans of all walks.
Africa minus European Encroachment = Wakanda. Diamonds + salt + gold + iron + cobalt +uranium + copper +bauxite + silver + petroleum + cocoa beans + platinum + phosphate + tropical fruits + zirconium + unlimited sunshine = Vibranium. While the nation of Wakanda is no doubt a mythical land, make no mistake about the fact that the wealth and resources boasted about it in the movie is very real and very tangible. Africa is the home of humanity. The cradle of civilization that if it were unmolested by colonization and mass human trafficking as a continent it would be every bit as powerful, self sufficient and self sustaining as the fictitious nation of Wakanda. One of the most beautiful things about this movie is the fact that it has inspired regular run of the mill American Negroes, the type that would normally be averse or indifferent to the motherland, to be far more embracing of it and intellectually curious about it. Some of the same black folks that propagate half and barely truthful talking points like “Africans look down on black Americans” showed up in movies theaters in dashiki’s talking about “Wakanda for life”. Some see them as hypocrites. I see Ne-growth. More importantly I see what Marcus Garvey saw when he created the Black Star Line and his back to Africa movement. Not necessarily or solely in the physical form but back to Africa mentally. The village within the diaspora concept.
Paying homage to paying homage
Paying homage to ones ancestors is not uniquely African. At least not on a surface level. There’s all sorts of buildings, bridges and monuments erected in honor of the dead colonizers. However the African centered form of homage whereby calling on and leaning on the elders and ancestors for knowledge, strength and wisdom is indeed uniquely African. Ostensibly the deeper the roots and tradition the more knowledge, wisdom and strength that can be gleamed. Nothing illustrated that salient fact more than juxtaposing T’Challa’s trips through the ancestral plane with Killmonger’s trip. T’Challa during his first trip through the ancestral plane went in lacking the confidence of a king. Burdened with taking over the thrown from his father who was killed T’Challa needed reassurances that he was up for the job. T’Chaka reminded him that he prepared him for this day giving him all of the assurances that he needed and he came back to present day Wakanda with the requisite confidence to defend all challengers to the throne. During his second trip through the ancestral plane he had even more confidence. So much so that he challenged the wisdom of his father and the ancestors that preceded him for their failure to share the wealth, resources and technology with the rest of the African diaspora still under the firm grip of white supremacy. In that instance he was actually standing on the shoulders of his ancestors and seeing far past their highest visions. Conversely when Killmonger went through the ancestral plane he did not have a very deep path to draw from. His father who never made it to the elder stage of life was probably the same age as Killmonger was when he was killed so you essentially had a person who was arrested in his development seeking wisdom from someone who was equally suspended in a primordial state of being. Since nothing plus nothing equals nothing Killmonger arises from the ancestral plane even more reckless than when he laid down. The great take away from these two cousin’s trip down ancestral lane is that sins of the father revisit the son and the sins of an absent father revisit and oftentimes destroy their sons. Something that many of us know all too well.
Black Girl Magic Galore
What do the #Blacklivesmatter, #Metoo and #OscarSoWhite hashtags have in common? #Timesup here is your answer: They were all the brainchild of black women and they all sparked major movements that to this day are major disruptive forces that have to be reckoned with.
As we delve deeper in to the Aquarian age feminine energy across the globe will only get more powerful and more potent so it would behoove black men to get ahead of the curve and be like T’Challa when it comes to incorporating the wise council of the women around him. One of the things that made T’Challa a successful King in the movie was his willingness to accept and respect the wisdom of the women around him. They proved to have more foresight and loyalty than his right hand man and that is a lesson that black men in America would be wise to adopt and adapt.
If every black man had him a Shuri for a sister, a Nakia for a wife, an Okoye as consiliari and 5 star general and a Ramonda for a momma we’d be a formidable force in this world as a people. As a matter of fact many of us have Shuri’s, Nakia’s, Okoye’s and Ramonda’s in our lives, we are just failing to recognize them. Ask failed US Senate candidate and former judge and accused pedophile Roy Moore if black women are formidable foes. Word to the wise. Surround yourself with some of these Wakandan warrior women already in your orbit.
Nobody wins when the family feuds
One of the reoccurring and more heated debates that I’ve seen post premiere has been the T’Challa vs Killmonger debate with many strongly feeling that Killmonger was the real hero in this fictitious tale. People expect those that are commonly referred to as “Hoteps” (by 2019 I hope that we can retire that phrase as a pejorative) to be more team Killmonger than team T’Challa but it’s not just the Black Israelites expressing these sentiments. People of sound mind are also concluding that Killmonger was more protagonist than antagonist– something that I find heartening and a bit disheartening. It’s somewhat disheartening in a way because despite him shooting his formerly ride or die Wakandan like woman through the heart and almost choking out an elder Wakandan woman there’s obviously a lot of passes being given for sociopathic behavior. It’s heartening at the same time because the movie was obviously able to evoke the long dormant wholistic thought pattern that was once common place in the Afrocentric thought process. One of the major problems with the African-American mindset is how we have been conditioned to think and process stimuli in such a binary manner. So while you may cringe at some of the Killmonger was the next Malcolm X quips and comparisons that cross your social media timelines take solace in the fact that some of our people are simply enamored with the fact that revolutionary thoughts, reversing the plight of of the historically oppressed and calling out the progeny of colonizers is what moves them more than some of his untoward antics and actions. In other words contentiousness is trending and it’s hard to construe that as a bad thing. Moreover the rage and inexplicable anger and angst possessed by Killmonger is inherent in some form or fashion in most black men in America.
James Baldwin said it best when he mused ‘to be a negro in America and relatively conscious is to almost always be in a fit of rage’. That described Killmomger as much as it describes most black people in America hence his widespread resonance amongst so many people. The myriad conversations and debates about who should be the King of Wakanda is more cathartic than problematic because it grants us a chance to do some Self reflection about who we are as a people and what our rightful place in the world is. Most importantly it grants us the opportunity to see Africans in Africa, abroad and state side as our cousins, brothers, sisters elders etc who we are only disconnected from via the dastardly deeds of European colonization and chattel slavery. In fact the plight of the black family in America is a microcosm of what the plight of Africans in Africa are. We have common issues so it only makes common sense for a symbiotic and unbreakable bond be forged. With all that Vibranium flowing through the continent matched with all the intellectual property and ingenuity possessed by African-Americans it’s high time we set up trade routes and strategic partnerships that would be mutually benefit. The Chinese have made major inroads in Africa because of their monetary prowess. The United States and NATO is deep in the continent via Africom. Black people collectively don’t have the money that China has nor do we have the air craft carriers, surface to air missiles or anything near the stockpile of weapons of mass casualty possessed by Africom but what we do have is the blood royal bloodline-Wakanda for life right?
2016 was a vintage year for cooning. It was such a vintage year in grand coonery that if cooning in 2016 was a bottle of champagne it would be a bottle of that 1992 Dom Perignon. The 2016 cooning was so abnormally ubiquitous that the usual top ten year ending coon list had to be expanded exponentially to a top 100.
The good news is the level of coonery has dropped back down to normal levels in 2017 and we are back to the top 10. The bad news is niggas are still cooning hard which makes this list a necessity still. That said and with out further ado I present to you the top ten coons of 2017 and the last 10 people that you’d invite to the cookout or any other gathering of proud Negros in fellowship.
9 & 10 Diamond & Silk
Like their fearful leader and fellow wearer of bad hair pieces Donald John Trump, this unbearable unbeweaveable doltish duo traffic heavily in alternative facts. Their incoherent psycho babble even to the most loyal fucktrumpet white supremacist supporters of the American idiot in the Oval Office are nothing more than useful idiots (situational) to be called upon in those rare gatherings where wearing black face just won’t suffice to get said racist point/taunt/joke off.
Long story short this ratcharded duet sings one of the more innocuous coon tunes. They are the Mitchell & Ness of coonery. A throw back to the chitterling circuit and minstrel act days. They’re much more detrimental to the overall coon cause than they are to the culture because they represent the sum total of what being a coon is and that is to be a mascot for white supremacy. These two Nebraska Coonhuskers with all of the cooning that they’ve done in the Trump
era error have earned themselves at best the right to have their faces dawned on a football helmet as the mascot of Billy Bob and thems favorite football team. Their YouTube channel and legion of Alt-right followers on twitter is pretty much their zenith.
8. Pastor Mark Burns
What do you call a black evangelical Christian? Other than a fool, a tool and a coon nothing. Pastor Mark Burns who has become an annual mainstay on these coon lists makes another top ten finish for his rabidly coontastic support for Roy Moore in his failed Senate bid. Amid allegations of being a child predator and upon the revelation that Judge Moore felt that America was last great back when Mark Burns ancestors were slaves. Being the steadfast fellow that he is Pastor Burns did not let a little racism and sexual assault against minors deter him from hopping aboard the Roy Moore Pony express. Mr Burns much like Cubic Zirconia and Polyester are not the kind of coons that are dangerously deceptive whereby they are a threat to attract more black people into joining their chorus of support for overt white supremacy. They are barely able to carry out their primary role which is to assuage white guilt by providing cover for overt racism. Their hyperbolic proclamations and embarrassing antics makes it hard for anyone not already on the Trump or alt-right bandwagon to take them seriously. In many ways they serve as living breathing and incessantly blathering examples of what we within the culture bemoan about token Negroes and how and why they are granted platforms. If you’re mediocre or less as a black person and you talk up white supremacy while talking down equality there’s a pretty good chance that you will land a job that will compensate you for far more than you’re worth.
7. Jason Whitlock
Jason Whitlock is another perennial top ten coontender for sell out of the year. Just like Pastor Burns and the hoodpossum duo of Diamond & Silk he’s a talent-less twit who only has a national platform because he recklessly uses it to denigrate black people and all of the worthy causes that the black community holds dear. What makes his coonery far more egregious than coontestants 8, 9 and 10 is the fact that his platform is not only a national one but it affords him the right to assault the the truth daily. The truth about black lives matter, the truth about why players take a knee for the anthem and just about any truth that speaks to the reality faced by the poor, black, brown and disaffected. His employer Fox Sports I suspect know this is why they hired him. The good news is the fact that they also hired Shannon Sharpe and that’s who we can thank for the skit behind the picture above being shelved before going live. Our “friend” Jason Whitlock thought that it would be a good idea to poke fun at Colin Kapernick and movement that he sacrificed his NFL career to support. While it never saw the light of day the point conveyed in the picture was crystal clear.
6. Sheriff David Clarke
Former Milwaukee sheriff and current Fox News coontributer David Clarke while high on the list for cooning this year had a pretty down year as it pertains to reaping rewards for his constant coonery. After being a faithful surrogate on the chitterling circuit extolling the virtues of the most virtue-less human being on earth he was expected to be taking a cabinet position with the administration somewhere within Homeland Security. That job never materialized. Instead what followed him was a series of lawsuits and investigations. He’s being sued for the inordinate amount of deaths in his jail as Milwaukee sheriff and now being investigated by the FBI for abuse of power. The dip shit sheriff also thought that it would be prudent to have his deputies harass an airline passenger for having the audacity to shake his head at his cooning ways. This led the FBI early in 2017 to get a warrant to search his email. Fortunately its probably why he did not get hired to work for the federal government and unfortunately for him why he did not rise higher on the top coon of the year list from 2016 to 2017. The good ole sheriff may soon see his usefulness expire.
5. Ray Lewis
Ray Rat is another two time top ten finisher. He actually finished number 2 last year out of 100 coontestants so finishing 5th this year among only 10 coontestants is kind of an improvement. Ray only had one certified major coon moment this year. After lambasting Colin Kapernick and his taking a knee during the anthem all last year Ray found himself at the cross roads of the culture that spawned his legend and the cross hairs of white fragility when he was forced to make a decision to take a knee or stand for the anthem. As fate would have it he was scheduled to be an honorary captain of his former Baltimore Ravens team for their overseas game in London the very same week that his president Donald Jerk Trump fired a salvo at the entire NFL by calling the protesting players sons of bitches while imploring their teams owners to fire them. Needless to say players around the league were more emboldened and defiant this particular week and players from both sides were demonstrative in their response to the presidents taunts. This left Ray with one of two choices. Stand for the anthem or take a knee. Never one to be confined by binary decision making the quick thinking former all pro linebacker took two knees leaving him with the predictable excuse that he was praying and not protesting. His lame excuse however did not inoculate him from the hail storm of salty white tears. In fact the very same white folks that offered him effusive and endless praise a year ago at this time for being a black face opposing social justice and equality managed to have a petition waged against him to have his statue removed from the Ravens stadium.
4. Malcom Jenkins
Now standing on the sidelines holding up a right fist 👊🏿 (the universal sign of black power and struggle in America) while the rest of the 50 thousand or so in the stadium are wittingly and unwittingly paying homage to chattel slavery and American aggression with hands on heart singing an ode written by slave owning Francis Scott Key is hardly something to label one with such a dubious distinction. However when that one player who hoisted a black power fist during the anthem co-opts a movement and starts to secretly negotiate on behalf of players taking knees during the anthem with demonstratively more skin in the game questioning the integrity of said dude is apropos. Even more damning is the devil within the details of the deal that this single player struck with NFL ownership to bring an end to NFL player protests of the National Anthem. To make a long story short. An NFL player that has never taken a knee during the anthem negotiated a deal with the NFL’s owners to bring an end to players taking a knee. And that’s not even the kicker. The kicker is that the almost 100 million pledged by ownership over a period of almost 10 years will only be granted if the players come up with half of the money. And oh yeah the money that ownership forks over will be deducted from funds earmarked for other worthy charitable giving like breast cancer and domestic violence.
Word to the wise. Never trust a nigga named Jenkins. He’s gonna do some Real Jenky shit on you 100 percent of the time.
3. Parris Denard Donald Trump has had a pretty tumultuous first year in office replete with all kinds of self inflicted foul ups, bleeps and blunders. He’s been criticized from all corners of the political spectrum for them. Almost all corners that is. Donald Trump is to Parris Dennard what Ms Jenkins was to Bonita Bitrell. He ain’t one to gossip but…
…Don’t nobody better say nothing bad about
Ms. Jenkins Donald Trump in front of the boy Parris. He goes hard in the paint for Trump. Harder than anyone else on television. To the point that he’s become an easy and favorite target of CNN anti-Trump pundits. He’s taken some brutal beat downs on CNN panels in the last 12 months but remains steadfast as a stalwart defender of all things Trump.
He clearly wants that number one coon spot and though he may have come up short in 2017. He is in pole position for the number one coon spot in the future.
2. Ben Carson Uncle Ben is another annual attendee at the Coon award show. He’s cracked the top 5 for at least the last 3 years in a row. He gets the number 2 spot for 2017. With the departure of Niggarosa Manigault Dr. Carson remains the lone black face in the whitest presidential cabinet since Reconstruction. As the head of HUD Carson was made to appear on capitol hill to explain away the draconian cuts being made to agency. Carson had little grasp of the cuts or the intended and unintended consequences of them and how it would affect the people that vitally depend on it as a resource. His cringe worthy performance while being queried by Congressman Al Green will live in infamy and again serves as yet another reminder of the kind of ineptitude that even your most accomplished coons are equipped with. White privilege has nothing in coon privilege. Absolutely nothing.
1. Tim Scott
Token Timmy while under the radar in so far as embarrassing coon antics and overt expressions of love for master has been playing a major role in codifying the white supremacist gripe on America. He voted affirmatively to confirm Jeff Sessions as attorney general and Betsy Devose as Secretary of education two people whose policies directly impact in the most negative ways black people. He also voted to confirm the myriad unqualified hacks that will infect and infuse more top down racism in the judicial system for generations to come. He’s easily the most powerful black man in America next to Clarence Thomas and he’s arguably done as much damage to the future of black America in 2017 than Clarence Thomas has done over the last 25 years sitting on the Supreme Court.
Most recently he voted along with his white supremacist caucus in he senate to reform the tax code shifting even more of the burden to keep this nation afloat on the poor and middle class. At the all white white house day party celebration he was positioned up front as Dystopian Donald’s favorite African-American. If a silver-lining exists hopefully it will be that such an optic will finally illustrate to white Americans writ-large that coons are as detrimental to them and their future success as they have been to the black community. Not holding my breath but that is my hope.
Shout out to team Uncoon: